Please review my short story http://survivorsucks.com/topic/34912/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html en-us Copyright 2006, Yuku feeds@yuku.com (FeedMaster) webmaster@yuku.com (WebMaster) Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:31:20 GMT Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:40:28 GMT Yuku Feeds 1.0 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 Yuku http://static.yuku.com//feed/bypass/images/button-yuku.png http://survivorsucks.com/topic/34912/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html Yuku - free hosted forums and profiles 88 31 {pics-1.1 "http://www.icra.org/ratingsv02.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (nz 1 vz 1 lz 1 oz 1 cz 1 ) "http://www.rsac.org/ratingsv01.html" l gen true for "http://yuku.com" r (n 0 s 0 v 0 l 0 )) Search Search Domain q http://yuku.com/search/direct/ <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3116108/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3116108 feeds@yuku.com (Agent Alex) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3116108 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:34:32 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3116096/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3116096 ]]> feeds@yuku.com (numb) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3116096 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:31:01 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3116070/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3116070 feeds@yuku.com (Agent Alex) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3116070 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:23:53 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3116042/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3116042 feeds@yuku.com (Agent Alex) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3116042 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 12:18:36 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115898/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115898 feeds@yuku.com (smokeitgood) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115898 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:41:18 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115768/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115768
How did everyone like my twist at the end? I have to kill the policeman because he's a murderer but I'm also a murderer and we somehow meet like it was fate, then I shoot him in the face. Should I add more characters to the story like a little sister or a cat? ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Bi Curious George) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115768 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:05:47 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115719/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115719
ps why do you say that it he took the fucking sandwich from his mom's left hand TWICE when that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY. JESUS CHRIST WHY DID I JUST ACCIDENTALLY HIT CAPS LOcK. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (smokeitgood) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115719 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:54:14 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115698/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115698 feeds@yuku.com (jgabler) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115698 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:51:13 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115645/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115645 Link Please wrote:
Much better than anything Scruffy Guy has ever contributed.

Scruffy Guy is a million times better than you, Link Please. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (pretzeldential) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115645 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:39:00 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115571/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115571 ]]> feeds@yuku.com (ilikelissie) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115571 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:20:42 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115564/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115564 feeds@yuku.com (PassionatePiscesMan) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115564 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:18:50 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115494/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115494 feeds@yuku.com (Link Please) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115494 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:00:34 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115487/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115487 Bi Curious George wrote:


It was a dark and stormy night.



Cliched already. Get a new day job. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (star jumper) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115487 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:58:26 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115439/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115439 Sentence 2: Contradicts Sentence 1
Sentence 3: Didn't Read ]]> feeds@yuku.com (pretzeldential) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115439 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:46:12 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115427/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115427

I like that your ma held the sandwich in her LEFT hand.

Good touch with drinking out of a teacup.

When all of our filthy dishes were piled high in the sink, I drank out of the measuring cup...good times. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (ObservingEgo) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115427 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:42:41 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115425/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115425 feeds@yuku.com (Hezbolowme) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115425 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:42:32 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115423/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115423 Dr Weems wrote:
MORE COWBELL!

I'm here. Now what?

]]> feeds@yuku.com (needsmorecowbell) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115423 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:42:21 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115422/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115422 feeds@yuku.com (Jakob Speed) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115422 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:41:16 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115412/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115412
Either way, you did the right thing by posting it here. ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Powers) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115412 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:37:54 GMT <![CDATA[ Re: Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/reply/3115409/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html#reply-3115409 feeds@yuku.com (Bi Curious George) http://survivorsucks.com/sreply/3115409 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:36:00 GMT <![CDATA[ Please review my short story ]]> http://survivorsucks.com/topic/34912/t/Please-review-my-short-story.html I want to sell a short story and be an author. I need some help so please review my story and give me ideas on how to make it better. It has a surprise twist ending.



It was a dark and stormy night. I just got home from school to have lunch at my house and my mom was awaiting for me at the door with a sandwich in her left hand. I walked up to the door and she said "hello honey, here's your sandwich." I took the sandwich from her left hand and walked into the... ]]> feeds@yuku.com (Bi Curious George) http://survivorsucks.com/topic/34912 Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:31:20 GMT