Did I ever tell you about the time Jonathan Penner sold me into slavery? He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile,
ol' Penner, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!
0 Kudo
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The Church of Jonathan Christ - The Leg and The Resurrection
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 Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4176 (03/27/08 8:42 PM) Registered user
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 310 (03/27/08 9:24 PM) Registered User |
Jonathan Penner CAN believe it's not butter!
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 PagongSchlong |
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Posts: 2380 (03/27/08 10:58 PM) Registered User |
Jonathan Penner used to jog around the block with a refrigerator on his back.
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Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4189 (03/27/08 11:02 PM) Registered user
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I don't think I've slept in like 4 days.
Jonathan Penner did 3 tours in 'Nam…… I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Penner! |
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fredpenner |
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Posts: 65 (03/27/08 11:04 PM) |
Glad to see the wiki page has been fixed.
Praise Jonathan Christ and his word. |
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PagongSchlong |
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Posts: 2381 (03/27/08 11:06 PM) Registered User |
Noah got the idea to build the ark after listening to Jonathan Penner talk in his sleep.
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Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4191 (03/27/08 11:12 PM) Registered user
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So anyways, Penner would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra "Beverly". And he taught
it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with %@$+@ in his eyes, Penner had to shoot the maid.
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Undertakeress |
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Posts: 5141 (03/27/08 11:15 PM) Registered User |
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jonathan the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died (and resurrected). The other three wise
men were enraged by the preference that Jonathan showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of
mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 312 (03/27/08 11:16 PM) Registered User |
Jonathan Penner makes crop circles. Not that he cuts the corn, it's just that he can make corn lie the fuck down.
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Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4192 (03/27/08 11:16 PM) Registered user
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It was the sight of Penner's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane!
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 313 (03/27/08 11:18 PM) Registered User |
Okay I'm committing an act of personal sacrilege with the next one, but....
Jonathan Penner made the shark run up on Tom's machete in Palau. |
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Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4194 (03/27/08 11:19 PM) Registered user
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Did I ever tell you about the time I had breakfast with Penner? Penner drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for eight months straight.
When he woke up, he rubbed his eyes and said, "All in all, I prefer gin!"
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 314 (03/27/08 11:23 PM) Registered User |
Ian Rosenberger did not jump off the final immunity challenge in Palau after 12 hours for his personal ethics. Jonathan Penner pried him off the buoy. Penner
knew for him to come into the Survivor world that his prophet Tom had to win.
(that'll make up for my Tom sacrilege, I think) |
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Us Kids Know |
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Posts: 4196 (03/27/08 11:25 PM) Registered user
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Did I ever tell you about the time Jonathan Penner showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl. Well, Penner shows
up and you know he's a big fella. Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's
drunk and he's Penner! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Penner! We spend the weekend in the Poconos - he loved me like
I've never been loved before!
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PagongSchlong |
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Posts: 2382 (03/27/08 11:28 PM) Registered User |
You know, Jonathan Penner is able to shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe.
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SurvivorArctic |
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Posts: 6874 (03/27/08 11:46 PM) |
you guys should take this schtick on the road! |
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PagongSchlong |
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Posts: 2383 (03/27/08 11:50 PM) Registered User |
Jonathan Penner once punched a hole through a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 315 (03/28/08 12:10 AM) Registered User |
The secret scene we never saw, and proof that Jonathan Penner is a man among men:
During the 'Stones Throw' challenge, as Airai kept throwing their stones at the tiles that broke but did not fall, Jonathan cried out 'I mean....MY ASS!' Jeff Probst replied 'You guys need to stop bitchin' and start throwin'.' Suddenly Jonathan walked over to Jeff and kissed the hell out of him. THAT'S the way he shut up Jeff Probst for good. Later that night, Penner made a man out of him. |
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Undertakeress |
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Posts: 5142 (03/28/08 12:11 AM) Registered User |
Every time Jonathan Penner ejaculates, an angel gets it's wings.
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melicatsmom |
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Posts: 316 (03/28/08 12:18 AM) Registered User |
In two Survivor seasons, Jonathan Penner competed with an injury to his achillies tendon, endured three trips to Exile Island, mutinied, re-aligned with Aitu,
endured being called horrific names, was denied a family visit with his wife, had five stitches put into one knee, and competed with an injury to the other
knee that led to a life-threatening infection before he was medically evacuated almost by force.
So....what's YOUR fucking excuse???? |
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- Survivor Sucks
- Lions, Tigers, Survivors - Oh My!
- Survivor Spoilers
- MESS Hall Tribal Council
- FOB
- Survivor Speculation
- Survivor 18+
- MESS Hall Archive: S2-S6
- MESS Hall Archive: S7-S9
- Spoiler Attic
- The Amazing Race
- Big Brother
- Big Brother - PAST SEASONS
- The Apprentice
- American Idol
- American Idol PAST SEASONS
- The Mole
- Lost
- Other Shows That Suck
- Off Topic
- Clubs That Suck. No, Really.
- The Dump
- Monster Island
- Purgatory
- FAQ
- In Memory, 9/11/01
