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Henry Hill: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny.
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm funny?

Henry Hill: [narrating] And then there was Jimmy Two Times, who got that nickname because he said everything twice, like:
Jimmy Two Times: I'm gonna go get the papers, get the papers.

Henry Hill: That's what the FBI can never understand - that what Paulie and the organization offer is protection for the kinds of guys who can't go to the cops. They're like the police department for wiseguys.

Henry Hill: You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, :You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.: You understand? We were good fellas. Wiseguys. But Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being made, it was like we were all being made. We would now have one of our own as a member.

[Henry, Jimmy and Tommy are digging with shovels to find Batts' corpse. Henry is sickened by the stench, but the others don't appear to be bothered]
Tommy DeVito: Hey Henry, Henry, hurry up will you? My mother's gonna make some fried peppers and sausage for us. Oh hey, Henry, Henry. Here's an arm.
Henry Hill: Very funny, guys.
Tommy DeVito: Hey, here's a leg. Here's a wing. [He laughs] Hey, what do you like, the leg or the wing, Henry? [Henry vomits]

[buzzing over and over on her husband's girlfriend's intercom]
Karen: This is Karen Hill, I want to talk to you. Hello? Don't hang up on me. I want to talk to you. You keep away from my husband, you understand me? Hello? ANSWER ME. I'm going to tell everybody that walks in this building that in 2R, Rossi, you're nothing but a whore.
[gets on phone]
Karen: Is this the superintendent?... Yes, sir, I would like you to know that you have a whore living in 2R. Rossi, Janice Rossi... He's MY husband. Get your own goddamn man.

Jimmy Conway: [after Spider tells Tommy to "go fuck yourself"] I can't believe what I just hear.
[he throws some money on the table]
Jimmy Conway: Here, Spider, this is for you. I got respect for this kid. He's got alot of fucking balls. Good for you, don't take no shit of nobody. He shoots him in the foot he tells him to go fuck himself.
[to Tommy, joking]
Jimmy Conway: Tommy, you gonna let him get away with that? You gonna let this fucking punk get away with that? What's the matter? What's the world coming to?
[Tommy pulls out a gun and shoots Spider in the chest]

Henry Hill: [narrating] Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with the cops, deliveries, Tommy, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by lightning huh? Fuck you, pay me."

Henry Hill: For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again

[Henry has just been busted for dealing drugs]
Henry Hill: For a second I thought I was dead. But, when I heard all the noise, I knew they were cops. Only cops talk that way. If they'd been wiseguys, I wouldn't have heard a thing. I would've been dead.

Henry Hill: If you're part of a crew, nobody ever tells you that they're going to kill you, doesn't happen that way. There weren't any arguments or curses like in the movies. See, your murderers come with smiles, they come as your friends, the people who've cared for you all of your life. And they always seem to come at a time that you're at your weakest and most in need of their help.

Karen: After awhile, it got to be all normal. None of it seemed like crime. It was more like Henry was enterprising, and that he and the guys were making a few bucks hustling, while all the other guys were sitting on their asses, waiting for handouts. Our husbands weren't brain surgeons, they were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners.

Henry Hill: "I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and
ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like
a SCHNOOK."

Then there's the Best Quote EVER from a Movie:

Quint's USS Indianapolis Speech!!!



And the ENTIIRE Godfather I Script!