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 Jitensha |
What constitutes verbal/emotional abuse? |
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Posts: 13461 (06/24/08 10:06 PM) I Must Be Psychic |
How do you judge this?
My friend won't stop bitching about her boyfriend being controlling and making her cry all the time, but I want to know if I should be worried or tell her to shut the hell up and stop being a gigantic baby. |
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shiza h minelli |
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Posts: 1160 (06/24/08 10:12 PM) |
I hate people who complain and complain and complain about their bf/gf/spouse but never do a thing about it...
I would ask her point blank if she feels she is being abused... if she says yes ask her why she is staying and if she needs help getting out of the relationship... if she doesn't and is just a tool staying with an idiot, I'd drop her... |
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Shag |
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Posts: 5342 (06/24/08 10:13 PM) Still OT Forum Dominator
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If he's belittling her and trying to make her feel less worthwhile, then yes, he's being abusive. Tell her so. Whether or not she remains your friend
after she doesn't listen (and there's a good chance she won't) is up to you.
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maadx |
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Posts: 33 (06/24/08 10:15 PM) |
If she's crying all the time--- that's abuse... U should be worried, but if she is one of those who refuses to leave him get help then there is nothing
u can do.. let her know her options & give her advice, but u can't make her do what she should do
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 goner1 |
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Posts: 5052 (06/24/08 10:16 PM) Registered User |
She'd be bored with a guy she couldn't bitch and whine about tho wouldn't she? It sounds like she'd find drama anywhere.
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Hamdingers |
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Posts: 9204 (06/24/08 10:16 PM) |
I don't have any psych training other than basic experience, but verbal/emotional abuse, ultimately, is only effective against a reasonably strong person
if there's a threat of physical violence. Otherwise, deadzoning would work for everybody. So if she's not in fear of being injured, she needs to shut
the hell up and start ignoring the asshole.
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PatadyBag |
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Posts: 5233 (06/24/08 10:17 PM) Registered user |
Maybe your friend should lose some weight so she can attract someone who doesn't need to shit all over her already rock-bottom self esteem to enjoy being
with her?
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Shorty |
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Posts: 2111 (06/24/08 10:18 PM) Registered user |
I totally agree with shiza. Some people buy into a victim mentality for themselves. No matter who she was with, she might paint a picture of herself as a
victim. Every guy is always going to do her wrong cause victims see everyone as out to get them. These are the people who think if they tell their sad story to
enough people that somehow in the telling they'll get released from their emotional burden. It really only keeps them entrenched in that crap cause they
eat that story for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I'd ask her what shiza suggested. If she responds by being the "tool" then ask her why she doesn't want more for herself. No one can ever give you self-esteem. It's something you can only get from yourself. |
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The Balloon Artist |
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Posts: 1484 (06/24/08 10:18 PM) |
If she fears solitude more than his company, she has the problem
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OT recruiter |
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Posts: 849 (06/24/08 10:19 PM) Registered user |
maadx wrote:Not necessarily. She could be crazy or a crybaby Anyway, no matter what you say, she will not listen to you. Just give her some obscure general advice and let her cry herself to sleep. What did the bf do btw? |
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The Balloon Artist |
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Posts: 1485 (06/24/08 10:21 PM) |
SWM with inferiority complex seeks co-dependent SWF to abuse and belittle.
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ObservingEgo |
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Posts: 6191 (06/24/08 10:26 PM) Hi, you two!!! : ) : ) |
The Wheel of Control??? |
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WylDawg |
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Posts: 15687 (06/24/08 10:29 PM) Registered user |
There's no such thing as verbal abuse. You're a wuss if words get to you.
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Jitensha |
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Posts: 13463 (06/24/08 10:31 PM) I Must Be Psychic |
i think she seems to be part using me as a sounding board/therapist, and part is actually fearful/concerned.
some of it seems pretty mundane shit, like oh he never listens to me blah blah blah. the parts that make me a bit leery are how he doesn't like when she talks to other friends, or when she tries to talk to him, he apparently gets extremely defensive and turns it all back on her and makes her feel like shit. Maybe she just sucks at debate? |
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Undertakeress |
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Posts: 6831 (06/24/08 10:32 PM) Registered User |
Maybe she wants attention?
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Strange Flute |
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Posts: 2528 (06/24/08 10:37 PM) Registered user |
Maybe the guy has control issues and is insecure. If he's dating a girl whom everyone thinks has low self esteem, then what does that say about him?
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The Balloon Artist |
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Posts: 1488 (06/24/08 10:38 PM) |
Strange Flute wrote: He knows how to pick them?
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Shorty |
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Posts: 2117 (06/24/08 10:39 PM) Registered user |
I think those pretty much go hand in hand. Bullies always look for weaklings that they can dominate.
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The Balloon Artist |
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Posts: 1489 (06/24/08 10:40 PM) |
Some women have antennae that seek these kinds of losers.
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Strange Flute |
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Posts: 2529 (06/24/08 10:42 PM) Registered user |
My advice would be to find a healthy outlet for both of their problems. Invest in some S&M gear and get busy.
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shiza h minelli |
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Posts: 1161 (06/24/08 10:47 PM) |
Jitensha wrote: people can use their friends as sounding boards for specific problems a couple of times MAX per problem... after that they are just bitching and moaning without taking action... I think that now, at 35, I have less patience for people's baggage. I don't hang out with people who constantly have problems in life w/ partners... jobs... whatever... because their problems always inevitably become your problems. A few years ago I had to 'break up with' a friend because she was always having some sort of conflict or crisis in her life... I was a good friend
for years, giving advice and offering assistance until one day I couldn't take it anymore and had to end the friendship... it was one of the best things I
ever did.
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