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Welcome to Sucks, Selah! I hope you like it here. Coming in during July is unusual, but It'll give you lots of time to read our (mostly vicious) postings about the show and get an idea of what things are like here. To make your stay more pleasant, here's a few no-nos to avoid:

. Getting involved in the claymate wars. Feel free to say something bad (or even good) about Clay when it's appropriate, but DON'T turn your post into a huge Clay diatribe. The people on both sides are completely loony. The Clay haters are convinced that every Clay fan buys 10 or more copies of his CDs, while the Clay fans still think he's not gay (!).

. To a slightly lesser degree, the same thing applies to the 6 year old Tamyra/Nikki top 4 battle of the first season. Given the other dubious talents that have since made it to the top 3 (Mantasia, Blake, Jasmine, etc.) this has largely simmered down in recent years.

. The battle over whether Kelly or Carrie is more successful is a particularly annoying one that should be avoided at all costs. The American sales of Breakaway and Some Hearts are within 1% of each other (!), but simply calling it a tie and saying that both have done very well would never occur to these folks.

. Saying anything good about Constantine Maroulis. Slimy as he is, he was one of my favorites from that season. But you will receive tons of negative posts. It's just not worth it. In fact, ANY Idol who tries to be a rocker will instantly be accused of being "fake." Sometimes the accusation has merit and sticks (Constantine, Robbie Carrico) sometimes it doesn't (Bo, Daughtry). But it will ALWAYS be made.

. Restating obvious stuff. "Did you know Frenchie's in Rent" is our coded response for stale gossip. Sappy fangirlish/boyish stuff is also frowned on.

. Typos are just a misteak that dint get kawt, but people here will jump on them as if you'd just committed a felony.

. Learn our nicknames for contestants. Fantasia is ALWAYS referred to as Mantasia. Matt Rogers from the 3rd season is called Fatt. Scott from the 4th season is called FF, which is short for "fat f@*k." "The gay Js" refers to the 3 soundalike boybandish guys from the first season (EJ Day, AJ Gil, and RJ Helton), of which RJ really is gay and AJ probably is. Chicken Little and Obesa are Kevin Covais and Mandisa Hundley from the 5th season. Philferatu and Jorbacca were two 6th season contestants whose real names should be obvious. Timberfake is Chris Richardson. This season didn't produce a whole lot of nicknames.

. Liking any kind of white music, especially country, is considered racist by many people here. The code for that is to post a picture of Omarosa, a contestant a few years ago on The Apprentice. In fact, ANY black contestant who has decent manners, speaks proper english, comes from a middle class family, and has parents who are married to each other (Latoya, Vonzell, Lisa) will be accused of "acting white." The idea here seems to be that ALL black contestants should sing nothing but R&B and come from a broken down ghetto background. Some sucksters who object to all this on the grounds that it is reverse racism, like me, will then use the Omarosa post facetiously.

I hope this is helpful.

I'm glad people like my comments (which by their nature will be biased, of course. Another suckster might have a very different list). But I forgot to add two things:

. Making ANY factual mistake about the show, however minor, is a no-no. The people here really are experts and WILL notice. If it's REALLY arcane you will be corrected fairly politely, otherwise you will be reamed. In discussing who'd be eliminated from this year's top 4, I said that 3 women in a row had been eliminated, and Idol had never eliminated 4 people of the same gender in a row. Sounds reasonable, but no. Somebody then pointed out that in the 4th season, after most of the women were gone, 4 guys in a row DID get cut (Anwar, Constantine, Scott, and Anthony). Oops! It was too obscure a fact and was in in an otherwise impeccably researched long posting about Syesha's stays in the bottom 3 for me to get hell for it, but if it had been a quick comment I might have.


. The weight of white female contestants is a sore point for many of suck's posters, who are often gay males that want all the women to have slim (boyish?) figures, when they bother to notice them at all. Virtually every white female who is of normal weight or even the slightest bit more will be called "fat" or worse. This applies not just to the very few women that really were somewhat overweight (Mikelah, Diana) but also ones that were at the high end of normal (Jessica, Carrie, Gina, Amanda, Carly) and some that were absolutely perfect (Katherine). So be careful about the praising the looks of a women who could be called heavy. If the singer is black, nobody will care unless she is at least 50 pounds overweight, and then it will only be noted casually unless she is enormous (for example, nobody made a big deal about Lakisha's weight, even though she was short and probably weighed close to 250 pounds). Jordin wasn't really overweight, but people made an exception for her because she was so tall and criticized her for being "fat" as well.