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Big Brother w/ Marcellas: And Then There Was One

By Marcellas Reynolds | Article Date: 9/18/2008 2:00 AM

So it all came down to two. Dan and Memphis are the last men standing. A little over 10 weeks ago, 13 strangers walked into the Big Brother house. Some stranger than others.

What an oddly awesome cast this season; Renny, the over-the-top Darlin' from N'awlins. Jerry, at 75, the oldest House Guest in Big Brother history. Libra, the mother of five month old twins who left her husband and three kids to compete. Steven, the gay rodeo star with very little grasp of the game but whoa was he hot. Jessie, the super hot natural body builder who took arrogance to a new level and oh, was I willing to go. And let's not forget the homophobic son of a preacher man Ollie, who thinks the gays aren't getting into heaven but he can nail as much premarital tail as he can get. For me those listed were the stars this season. The ones you couldn't help but watch. The ones that caused the drama and in some cases the fun.

But at the end of the day, this was Dan and Memphis' show from start to finish. On the first night we met Memphis and saw he was a fierce competitor. Don't feel sorry that Memphis didn't win Big Brother 10. Oh... Did I not tell you? Dan won.

Memphis won a vintage car on the very first night. He also walks away with a cool $50,000 as runner-up. Very early on, Memphis played the game skillfully. With only one true enemy, the cantankerous Jerry, Memphis made situational allies from week to week without alienating anyone. The one misstep Memphis made this season was evicting Keesha. By giving Keesha, his longtime ally, the boot, he made a powerful and vocal enemy on the jury. And the thing is... he didn't have to do it.

If he'd kept Keesha in the game, I believe had she won HoH, she would have kept him and evicted Dan. Memphis could have beaten Keesha had they made Final 2 because the jury was mostly women and, historically, women do not vote for other women.

In the biggest rout in Big Brother history, Dan won seven to nothing. The entire jury voted for Dan, and they should have. Dan played a near perfect game. His only mistake was the Veto Roulette he played before nominating Michelle for eviction. He could easily have done it without the histrionics, but wow, was it fun to watch. The most interesting part of Dan's game was how readily he adapted to every situation in the Big Brother house. Even when in danger, he was never thrown off and kept his eye on the prize.

I went to the finale on Tuesday. Honestly, I dreaded it. I hate Big Brother reunions. To be brutally honest, I don't like very many of the ex-House Guests. That isn't me being mean, that's the truth. I have very little in common with most of them. That's one of the things that makes Big Brother such an interesting show. Taking strangers from very different walks of life and tossing them in a bubble and watching as they try to get along and figure co-existing out. There is really no other experience like this. It's one I share with less than 150 people. Does that shared experience make us friends? No. I guess it's like going to the same high school in different years. Or even better, being in the same fraternity or sorority.

I don't know... maybe my disdain for other House Guests has something to do with my disdain for having done Big Brother. I still, after six years and two seasons, have mixed feelings about the show. In some ways it was a blessing. In a lot of ways it's been a curse. I most often compare it to having done porn. It might have felt real good while you were doing it, but the ramifications live on and on and on.

Erika from All-Stars jokes that her last name is "From Big Brother." The would make me Marcellas "Shoulda Used the Veto." That's what it is! Six years later, my appearance on Big Brother is distilled to one thing; I didn't use the veto and save myself from eviction. Year after year after year. Season after season after season, I'm referenced by the current House Guests, the internet fans and anyone else as Marcellas "Shoulda Used the Veto." It's a little tiring.

The other thing that annoys me? Being on Big Brother was not a benchmark in my life. It was a funny little bump in the road that is my life's journey.

The thing I hate about Big Brother reunions is the competition. It's like, "what are you working on now?" "How'd you get that?" "Who's your agent?" "I'm gonna be a star!" Dude! That stuff makes me sick. Show me who you are. Have a real conversation with me. That entertainment stardom stuff is a grinfuck that messes with your head.

Being in entertainment is how I make money to live. It's not who I am. The real Marcellas wishes he was rich because he'd be a Black Howard Hughes walking around his estate in his bathrobe with tissue boxes for slippers, ordering in food and men. In that order.

Back on point because this isn't about me, I attended the finale. I opted against sitting in the audience. One thing I've learned about sitting in the audience is you are trapped. You have to smile when you don't wanna and clap on cue. Sorry, I only dance when I'm paid. I'm also not that desperate for screen time. Instead I sat in the VIP lounge with other House Guests and some of the families of the current contestants. There was free food and drink and after weeks of the Master Cleanse, I was so ready for some chicken fingers, veggie focaccia and meatballs. And an ice cold Corona to wash it all down.

Yes, I'll be back on the Master Cleanse the day after the wrap party.

On live video screens, we get to watch the finale. Back stage with me was a whole lot of Season 9, which I didn't watch so I had no idea who they were. I did see Joshuah (whom I love), Chelsia and Parker. My dearest Gretchen was there in her role as host of House Calls. I miss her, not House Calls, and love that it's a clusterfuck without me.

From Season 8 I saw Dick and bumped into Jen, who was with her boyfriend Nick, on my way in. The show progresses and in the audience there is Bunkie and Beau, two of the other gay ex-House Guests. There is also Ashlea from Season 6 (gorgeous) and James from All-Stars. I'll admit I did have a twinge and think "Hm mm... Should I have sat in the audience?" Another trip to the buffet cleared that right up.

Julie Chen looked lovely in a sleek black shift. Julie takes us to the jury and their deliberations. First is the always painful and pointless "I wonder who is the last juror" section. Just when all the HGs are bashing Jerry, bang, Jerry walks in. You know that every House Guest on Big Brother 10 is stunned and pissed that 75-year-old Jerry made it damn near to the end. And they should be. That's right up there with Cowboy making it to Final 2 on Season 5 and Chicken George outlasting Alison, Danielle, Diane, James, Jase, Nakomis and me, several of the greatest players in Big Brother history, on All-Stars. Yeah I said it.

Now the deliberations begin in earnest. Many are mad at Jerry. Many are just mad. They figure out that Dan and Memphis had a deal for Final 2. Duh. Do you think? They figure out that they've been played. It's even said that the two evil people made it to Final 2. Personally, I don't think Dan or Memphis were evil. They just outplayed everyone else. In light of some of the ugly things that April, Jerry, Michelle and Ollie said and did this summer, Dan and Memphis look like two (incredibly hot) choir boys.

What I love about this segment is the finger pointing! The "shoulda, woulda, coulda" was flying. Regrets and recriminations abound. Jerry and Renny fight! They yell at each other and Renny (in a cheap pearl choker and very pretty tank dress) is hysterical. Renny calls Jerry a "chauvinist pig" and Keesha asks, "can you feel the love in the air?" Classic. I'm gonna miss Renny. She was great TV. Jerry ends with "who's the worst of two evils and who deserves it more?" Who's evil here? It's a game. You may say they were dicks, you can say they were liars but evil seriously doesn't apply. It's a game.

Funniest line of jury; Jerry asks, "are we all that gullible?" Libra retorts, "apparently so, we're sitting here."

I felt a little sorry for Jerry's wife, who sat near me in VIP. He wasn't liked and people booed when he spoke. In VIP, when they didn't boo, they laughed at him. That's what's great about VIP. You can actually boo in VIP. On the stage you can't boo, you have to clap and smile and be nice. It's exhausting.

At the end of the deliberations, which were actually very logical, the jury does Q & A with the Final 2. The questions are whack. Memphis blows it when Renny asks, "Memphis what in this game did you do for me?" He stammers and then gives a nonsensical answer. I can't believe he got stumped by Renny. Dan at every turn tosses Memphis under the bus ever so subtly. Dan and Memphis both give great end speeches and it looks like it could be close. It's well edited because it isn't!

The jury is introduced and come out one by one. The House Guests have to bend over awkwardly to high five and hand shake audience members. They aren't savvy enough to know it looks crazy on camera. Renny, who curtsies when she comes out, takes way too long to come down the runway. She literally high fives everyone in sight. It's a little like watching that old movie What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?

I'm lost in space at this moment pondering how many people in this cast are missing teeth and how they lost them. How does that happen? And how do you get cast on a show missing teeth? I mean, even on Flavor of Love or I Love New York, the cast has all their teeth. Are there really that few people that want to do Big Brother that they cast people missing their teeth? Voting commences right away and is done with each juror giving a little speech and then voting. Again, Renny takes way too long with a rambling speech.

The votes are cast and the first four evicted House Guests are introduced. It dawns on me that the first three guys evicted are the hottest. Brian, Jessie and Steven all look good. Julie asks Brian what his opinion of the Final 2 is. It's actually scathing.

He points out that the Final 2 never attacked a single person and the game never became personal for them. That's the truth. In a season of vicious name calling, neither Dan nor Memphis resorted to those tactics.

He then points out to the jury that everyone saw how nasty they were. He talks about Ollie's behavior, which elicits a laugh from this dullard. It's an uncomfortable moment. Julie then asks him, "Who else Brian?" Yeah, Brian is a bitch for the man.

He moves on to Michelle attacking Libra's ability to be a mother for taking the trip to Hawaii from her in the Veto competition. Michelle laughs. Another uncomfortable moment. Brian then moves on to April and Michelle in the jury house, attacking Keesha's physical appearance. Brian is spanking ass, ladies and gentlemen. Julie Chen then asks Steven what House Guest's behavior surprised him the most sitting at home watching. This whole thing is a set up because Steven then calls Jerry to task about calling Dan Judas. They roll a greatest hits package on Jerry and it's his lowest moments in the show. It's brutal y'all. Jerry stammers through an apology. Weakly.

Julie reveals that Dan was America's Player for one week. The jury all says they knew it. Jessie has the opportunity to speak to Dan and opts to speak to America. Apparently, he doesn't care that much for America and his response ends in a fart noise. Hmmm... Julie then announces that there is another prize. America will be awarding one of the jurors $25,000.

I hate this prize. During All-Stars it went to about the least deserving House Guest in Big Brother history. I could just see that fan base creating bots to auto vote on-line and converting their life savings into quarters in order to use the payphone to cast multiple votes. But I digress...

The winner is announced. It takes four votes to win and the first four are for Dan. He deserved it. It's announced that Jerry is the runner up in the jury prize (who voted for him?) and in a shocking moment the winner is Keesha. I really thought it would be Renny.

Oh, and as a side note, some really hot guy in the audience hugs Memphis excitedly. I wanna know who that is because his silhouette was slamming.

And that is it ladies and gentlemen. Another season bites the dust. It was one of my favorites. Just below Season 5, but right above Season 6.

See ya next year!