Yuku free message boards

I delivered pizza for a year when I was a teenager -- I remember cocksucker motherfucker scumbags holding out their palms for 22 cents change.

And I also remember this raging, flaming queen who invited me for several bong hits (I accepted) AND a blowjob (I declined -- and I rarely turn one of those down).

No lie.

You'll get better service on future deliveries if you tip well -- word gets out on which houses are generous and which are not. And even if you don't plan on using delivery service often or ever again, think of karma. (It's mostly crap, but think about it anyway.)

I tip the cooze who cuts my hair $5. Look, that bitch is getting near my eyes and ears with clippers and scissors. I want her to remember my generosity and when I tell her my style demands I expect her to LISTEN CAREFULLY next time around and do as I fucking say!

I know a hot pizza delivery dude and I always wonder how I can invite him in and strip

OK, so we know that he's fat. Offer him candy for starters.

Answer the door with your shirt off and watch his eyes. If they drift below your shoulders, he's interested.

Leave a copy of The Advocate in plain sight near the door. Again, watch his eyes.

When handing him the cash be sure to let your fingers linger a few micro-seconds longer than they should.

Order often, during his shift only.

If possible, try to come to the door with a semi.

Increase tip size.

All this will take a while; have plenty of foil on hand to wrap the leftovers.

Offer a bong hit -- hey, it almost worked with me. At the very least you'll get some of his saliva on your bong. How hot is that?

Eventually you'll realize that nothing you do will ever get him into bed and that he's almost certainly straight. So just jerk off while thinking about him like everyone else does.

You should have seen this cable guy that was over here a few weeks ago, Pizza. 6 foot, about 220, solid beef. Blue eyes, short black hair. Fat fingers. Understated ear-stud. All man. Big-ass work boots. Thighs like fireplace logs. Smelled good, too.

I don't masturbate to service-men fantasies, though. But I did enjoy the view.

(This is now a gay thread -- deal with it.)

ETA: Oh, I thought I was replying to Pizzathetic. Whatever. So maybe he's not a fat guy. In MY mind, he is.