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After following a distress signal to our planet, the starship Arrogant Schoolmarm had sent a landing party to invesitigate.

Upon finding myself, and my deformed mutant chums holed up in an abandoned school house. Headmistress Zeep and her youthful assistant, Mr. Spork, a deeply depressed and overly analytical bore with pointy ears had surmised that we couldn't have possibly sent that signal since we were merely uneducated imbiciles with radiation poisoning. Further investigation revealed that our parental units were the ones who sent the distress signal but were all dead from an unknown viral outbreak that only targeted adults. It was then that the Headmistress violated the prime directive and interfered with our happy lives by attempting to teach us the proper use of the English language instead of using heavy sticks to strike others on the head as a form of communication.

Your humble narrator found himself forceably jammed into a small wooden seat attached to an accompanying desk while Headmistress Zeep taught him the grammatical differences between "affect" and "effect", but all I could think of was bonking her on the head with my pimp stick as she turned to face the blackboard.

Scouring the rest of the room in a quizzical fashion I noticed the other childen were either asleep or dead. Mr. Spork, his face buried in a technical manual and deepy entrenched in thought, gave me an opportunity to wriggle out of my chair and sneak up behind the sour, humorless swine that wrote upon the blackboard. With a quick lift of my right arm and the downward thrust that followed, I had made contact with the cranium of my intended victim...

"Bonk bonk on the head!" I yelled, as she fell crumpled to the floor. The others cheered and tossed random books and filthy unwashed underwear on top of her lifeless corpse. Mr. Spork, oblivious to the revolution that was taking place around him , kept reading so we left him alone since he had no real friends anyway

Our planetary nightmare was finally over, and our uneducated simple minds knew that our way of life was preserved. Thusly, we celebrated into the evening by slinging our feces against the blackboard.