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MikeHaggarKJ wrote:

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JaniTholeMyDolly wrote:

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Ben's coaching career begins (1996-1998)

For Ben, 1996 was a landmark year. He was serving as Vice President of the United Sates of America (in a silent-partner TOP SECRET capacity) in Washington, DC while working for his uncle at "Male Meat" strip club. Alas, coach wasn't passionate about his career choice, not to mention his tips were meager at best. He decided to do some soul searching in a most unique way. Starting in San Felipe, Baja California, Mexico, Ben embarked on a kayaking voyage along the Pacific Coast that would set a Guinness World Record for the longest distance ever traveled in a kayak at 32,132 miles (he circled the globe 3 times).

Ben's journey of bravery was fraught with great white shark attacks, string ray groups, aggressive hammerheads, killer eels, swarms of killer bees, angry barracuda attacks, and even a wrestling match with a bear! But Ben decided just circling the globe 3 times in his kayak was not quite challenging enough. He decided that he would only subsist on a diet of his own urine and a loaf of bread. Ben persevered, despite losing his left leg to a shark during his trek. "I was paddling the second circle around the globe, and this shark just came up out of nowhere," Ben said, "he clearly was hungry so I decided to split my daily piece of bread with him. As I dangled the crust, he instead went for my leg." "I felt the sharks teeth bite into me. Soon, my leg was gone." But this didn't stop Ben. Using a beaded necklace as a make-shift tourniquet, Ben trekked on like a true soldier.

The trek ended when Ben was poisoned by drinking water he had purchased in a village that had apparently been the village toilet everyone shat in. Near death, he was found floating in his kayak off the coast of South America by Elvis Presley who was navigating a yacht in the area. "He gave me a beaded cape to wrap myself in, and used his big old belt on my leg wound." Ben recalled. "As I boarded his yacht, I was still mind-full of not stepping on his Blue Suede shoes." "As a fellow Renaissance man, I can completely relate."

drinking piss, fighting whales and wrestling bears in your journey around the world in a kayak?
where is this from? some joke site?