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I just find any segment of this show that involves food demonstrations or product placement incredibly boring. Between the horrible stilted acting (Bob: when you're hungry, why not just chew some Extra Sugar Free gum? Contestants, smile and nod awkwardly), and the "duh" cooking segments--(turns out, frying food and coating it with cheese is fattening-- why not just eat boneless chicken breasts, brown rice and vegetables! BTW, did you know that vegetables are healthy and low in calories? Contestants smile and nod awkwardly feigning shock), they're worthless and in my mind the reason God invented DVR's.

Honestly.

Though I didn't watch it (zap, zap, zap), I saw enough to get the gist that they were "recreating" fast food favorites with low-cal ingredients.

Who the fuck wants to eat that shit?

Look, as I get older I am actually trying to eat better. I have this pervasive terror that time is running out -- because it is. My body can only handle so much crap before my organs start to liquefy. So I have adopted a high-fiber routine and I actually enjoy that: there is a huge difference in daily energy levels now. I buy "light" products because most aren't too bad. I like veggies so I eat them, but I'm don't WORSHIP them with little shrines and altars. A man's gotta have his BEEF and that's that. If I'm eating something that absolutely REQUIRES cheese, I'm going to use cheese. But I'm not going to ADD shit to food that I don't need. A baked potato is just fine with some light butter -- it doesn't need fucking BACON.

For most people, moderation is all we need. Common sense. Don't be a fucking pig. When I see the footage of these contestants prior to arriving at the ranch, eating buckets of chicken several times a week -- that's just sick. That's eating because you can't handle life and you have given up. (I personally over-indulge in SEX instead of food -- SO much more satisfying, but understand that is not an option for the terminally obese.)

So I give the fatties credit for finally coming to grips with the fact that they need to make a change or they are going to DIE. I guess they DO need some lessons on common-sense eating. But for the majority of the audience... it's boring.

Now, I will always allow myself to enjoy something that is just terrible for me. Life is miserable if you can't just cram something deadly into your mouth EVERY NOW AND THEN. Just not every day...

Last night, I caved in to my desire for pizza. Other than a blowjob, there's little that's more satisfying, am I right?

So I go to this pizza place that has been in business here for more than fifty years. I remember the pizza from when I was a kid. I haven't had it since I was about thirteen and I decided to see if it had changed. It did change, so the nostalgic aspect of it wasn't there for me, but it was still a damn good pizza.

I ordered double pepperoni and mistakenly got double cheese instead.

I am not sure which is worse, but I'm going with the cheese. This thing was OOZING cheese like a lava-flow.

What could I do? Complain and take it back? Fuck that. I ate it.

I recalled stopping the DVR momentarily and hearing Rocco say something about 4,000 calories for a whole pizza. Well, I didn't eat the whole pizza but I sure ate enough of it. Reaching for the stars through a veil of cheese... I did my best.

It was fun. I probably lost a couple weeks of my life to that pizza but I figure they are going to be some miserable weeks when I'm 84 and ugly and mostly senile anyway, so what the fuck. Less time pooping in my adult diapers, right?

Low-fat chicken tacos tonight... I have to do my penance.

Before we know it, it will be Tuesday again and then... oh, the possibilities for gluttony are just endless.