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I know this is past the deadline (no pun intended), but I only just saw this thread. And though I realize I can't be considered for Cryin' Kitten's contest, I still feel the need to post this letter for Jerry. For Jerry.


Dear Jerry,

You came into our Big Brother lives and touched us forever. You marked us indeliably. Scarred us. Molested us. Assaulted and mutilated our every sensibility. Our every sense.

We are forever changed.

You gave us the Jerry X. Butter and salt on bread. A wardrobe of sleeveless tee's beyond compare.

Your mancrush on Memphis ("maybe these shirts will fit you...need a windbreaker?") and your manhate for Dan ("Judas!") showed us your emotional side. And your chivalry towards the ladies ("Renny, you make this food palatable," "I can imagine Keesha masturbating") was an endless source of inspiration to us, as was your tenderness when speaking of your wife ("who?").

But what I will remember most is the way you played your little games with us, teasing us, laying around the BB house like you were unconscious. Comatose. In a fugue, paralyzed, or other such vegitative state. No longer breathing. Heart no longer pumping. Oh, how you played dead, Jerry! How you teased.

I beg you, Jerry. Don't tease us now.

Please get well soon, Jerry. And by well, I mean let your phyical body cease functioning and your spirit/soul/energy pass into the ether where it can share stories of Korean whores and drunk driving with the universe and show your "guns" to a higher power. For this is truly the only way you can be well. Take that metaphorical plunge into the pool of the unknown (yes, Jerry, your dip in the BB pool is the stuff of greatness) and inspire us once more by moving beyond this mortal coil to a new place: that great Big Brother house in the sky. Where no one ever gets evicted. And you always win veto. And Cryin' Kitten has a killer thread (no pun intended) for everyone.

But most of all I have to say thank you, Jerry. For all you've given us, the hardcore BB fans. The feedwatchers. The people who watched you 24-7 and know you like no one else.

So "get well," Jerry. Please. And know that you will never be forgotten by those of us who knew you then and remember you now, just like this: