Watch out, Cold Stone Creamery, because Stephenie has a SWEET TOOTH!
Stephenie is sweeter than a slice of lime, covered with table salt. In fact, if I could pour salt into my eyes as a sacrifice for the eternal love of
Stephenie, I could and should and would. But not pepper - because I have an allergy to that and I go into an asthma attack and all. It gets ugly.
Stephenie was the best player to ever play the game... of lacrosse. And also the second best player to ever play Survivor, behind Rupert of course. But being
2nd place is very very good, especially considering the fact that shes a woman, which means its hard to even be good at anything when you have such an obvious
handicap. I <3 the fact (or fiction) that she never EVER gave up. She has so much heart. Like, seriously, her heart is the size of a watermelon
(seedless, DUH!), and shes invited all of us to slice it open and have a piece of it and her sweet sweet summer sweetness(s).
Well, Im happy Stephenie said yes to being my date for the prom!!! Isnt she beautiful? Shes so awesome that shes gonna win the award for both Prom Queen and
Prom King!!! Especially because she could kick any guys ASS (Season 8 of Survivor for all you newhbs). So we went to the prom. I ordered the Chicken Picata.
Stephenie ordered the 728 1/2 oz. Roasted Elephant with a side of coolness, courage, and popularity.
After the prom (where we danced to Taylor Swift!), Stephenie changed into her after-party attire (basically she glued a bunch of Skittles to a hefty garbage
bag, but she looked so fucking hot because it was so tight on her), and she laid on the couch as so. After we got a little crazy and each had a sip of Mikes
Hard Lemonade (were such party animals!), she told me we were gonna have the best night ever! I got so excited and started sweating profusely (its a glandular
problem, and partly because Im really fat - Im working on it). We pulled out everyones favourite game, Yahtzee and started playing. Stephenie rolled a
Yahtzee on every turn! I almost rolled a Yahtzee on every turn, too, but I had to settle for 4-of-a-kind on one of them 
... man I felt like such a loser.
And deservedly so. She called me retarded because I lost, and shes right. She also said I was gay, which I thought she meant that I was happy, but she
clarified herself and said she meant I was non-heterosexual. I asked her what this meant, and she said it means I am sexually attracted to other boys.
Then she left me. And I cried for a couple of weeks, continuously.
But dear Stephenie, me, us, myself, ourselves, I, and we all still adore the heckage out of you!!! You were such a champion and a genius. I bet you could
climb to the top of Mount Everest in 5 minutes... in a bathing suit.
You are so awesome and special. Its like God said "I want to make a girl who can outdo me in anything. And put her on the 10th season of Survivor."
And he did!!! Im crying! Thank you God!!!
