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Random Musings Volume 5:

- this show is almost over? Final Four? Did it even start?

- said it before and I'll say it again, the talent on this show is beyond AWFUL. Seriously, look at the final product - does that look like something a PROFESSIONAL designer would do? It looks like something a weekend warrior with NO design skillz, training or experience would do. And which room am I talking about? ALL of them.

- Hosting Skillz - big fucking deal. Dan was laughing, Pageant MomShorts was robotic. Big deal. They've never done it before - that can be worked on. Their design skillz suck donkey balls. Who gives a shit if you're an 'energetic host' if you are describing a room that looks like fried fuck. And Clive has no real skillz either.

- Carpenters - wow, the manufactured drama of a lazy carpenter. Seriously? 4 hours and ol' boy did nothing. I do love that EVERY year they have carpenters in there to paint. Yeah, carpenters just LOVE painting. And didn't they used to have interesting photogenic carpenters on prior seasons? Apparently, Design Star's budget has been affected by the economy, because apparently, instead of real carpenters, they went out and grabbed some illegal day laborers hanging in a Home Depot parking lot in the Valley. Oh and I loved when they were rushing. If there's one thing you want to do in carpentry is work in a rushed and frantic manner with power tools!! I guarantee you that there are a bunch of 9 fingered Mexican +@*#* in a Home Depot parking lot right now looking for day labor!

- The Kids - ok, Connor was kinda cute, but the two middle girls. Can we PLEASE insist on NO TV's in the bedroom. Those kids were fucking heffers. Get rid of the tv and go outside and run your ass around the block about 78 times.

- Eco-Friendly - fuck eco-friendly, Fuck it in the ear. I seriously doubt that kid cares sooooo much about 'recycling' - again, seems like another contrived reality show thing like a 'lazy carpenter'. Oh and yes, Dan 'repurposed' that dresser and ooooh, creatively PAINTED IT GREEN. Wow. Please join us next week for more 'Really Fucking Obvious Things'. Yes, he 'repurposed' it, but it was still ugly as shit. So, it didn't get ground up into sawdust. Big deal. Now the kid has an ugly old dresser that is painted the color of Kermit The Frog's ballbag. One man's trash is another man's really fucking ugly dresser. And how exactly is that 'green'? So, they don't buy a new dresser. So what? Does that mean some factory in China got a memo and is now saying 'hey, reduce production of the 5 drawer dresser by one thanks to Kaitlyn McHeffer in Encino'. Oh, and for all of the 'green, green, green', I noticed he didn't low VOC paint.

- Antonio - he still has fangs. Yes, his room was the best, but too me it was sooooo obvious. The MDF rock things were kinda cool (but will attract a shitload of dust), however the dinosaur decals on the wall were hideous and lame. I thought the 'kid holding up TV' was cute, but it was a ripoff. I saw a 'Fathead' thing of that a couple of years ago - may even be on the fathead website. That's the point - where's the amazing new idea? Remember Matt's 4 bed cluster thing last year - that was really cool. This seasons is just people making shitty furniture and putting graphic paint on a wall. He had a 5 year old for fucks' sake. He can do so many cool things - what about amazing ideas of things that convert? I have 5 year old twin boys. They LOVE converting shit into other shit. What about a desk that converts into a play fort or something. Oh and Vern's 'wow, that was REALLY clever to have under bed storage' - Really? In a KID"S ROOM?!?!! Ever open a Pottery Barn Kids catalog? Every fucking bed in there has storage underneath. It's not a new concept Vern, it's a really obvious one.

- Genevieve - LOVED her comment about the color choices. Client says ' I like light blue' - what do they do - they throw light blue on the wall. Try it with furniture, accessories, etc. However, that's kinda hard to do when you can only show for 4 hours and have to go and buy the furniture right from the floor. What if you can't find a light blue chair?

- Fabrics - there is no use of fabric in this show. To me, that' what makes the design awesome. Anyone can paint some graphic shit on a wall, but the key on say, Candice's show, is awesome lighting and amazing fabrics - window treatments, upholstery, carpets, bedding. Seems like, based on the manufactured timelines, they ignore one of the most important elements of design and the thing that will make the designs really work.

- Jason - oh boy, what can we say about the Perez DaneCook Stepbrother douche that hasn't already been said. Ok, you're gay, We get it. Way to move beyond stereotypes!!! Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick. The guy is what 33 years old and acts like a 12 year old girl. Gay people, help me out - why is it that on EVERY reality show, every flamer dude feels the need to say (within 9.4 seconds) - 'Ohmygod, you're GORgeous!'?!?!?! I think it would have been fun to have him do the baseball room - put him completely out of his element. And then see the 17 year kid react when Jason the queen comes in and says 'Hi, I'm doing your room' and the kid saw 'awww, fuck my life'

- Torrie - look, Clarice, the 'i' is a paintbrush. Did I mention that it's a paintbrush? Oh, because you're an artist see. Man, how fucking obvious. Her pagaent hair and makeup and momshorts still bother me. And how did they not give her shit for the 'desk' chair? It was a fucking recliner? How can a kid do homework at a desk in a lazyboy?

- Lonni - I like the home plate thing - that was kinda cool. And her's seem to have the best space plan - it was the only room that looked BIGGER after it was done. But, does a 17 year old kid really want a 'baseball' room? Shit, isn't that kind of immature? That kid will be going to college next year and he wants a little kid's room? Give a 17 year year old boy what he really wants - a TV with an Xbox, a laptop loaded with porn favorites, an iPod docking station and a dresser drawer full of socks to jerk off into. But man oh man she cleans up well, looked fucking AMAZING at the 'judges table'.

- Dan - is it me or does this dude always sound like he has a cold? Please join us on a new episode of 'Green Deviated Septum Design'

- David - oh, hey everyone, look David is here. Why was he even on the show? What did he offer? He came on for what 2 minutes and told them some obvious shit that really had no impact. Hey, at least Tim Gunn can use his Jedi Mind Trick to prevent recovering meth addicts from committing suicide. Oh, but at least we got to see Jason bust a nut when David walked in.

At this point, I have no idea who will win and really don't care. Maybe Antonio since he's 'edgy' or Lonni because she's older and safe and all of the current hosts are young and loud. This show has really jumped the shark though. Remember David and Alice designing the final in a glass room in Bryant Park? That was amazing talent in a very cool setting. This show looks like a very low rent version of that - almost as if the budget for this show is 1/1000th of Season One. Season Four is to Season One what the 'Little Miss Diva Passaic, NJ' pagaent is to 'Miss USA'