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What Can We Conclude About Jeff's Fans?

Putting on my Sherlock Holmes cap here for a moment, I'd like to compose a list of the 10 probable traits of Jeff's biggest fans.

1.They're homophobic. Jeff fans don't seem to have any problem with Jeff's frequent usage of some of the worst gay slurs imaginable, the obvious contempt with which he talks about gay people, or his very half-hearted "apologies" over using such slurs(which no doubt was prompted by DR requests to do damage control).

2. They're white supremacists. All of the ethnic minorities on the show are villified by them for doing things far less offensive than Jeff has done. (Natalie lied. Kevin moved some props. Let's kill them.) Kevin, in particular, is absolutely hated for no apparent reason whatsoever -- even though he's clearly a far better person than Jeff will ever be.

3. They're shallow. Jeff was what passed for the "good-looking" guy on this season (even though most of us have seen better hanging out around the nearest street corner). The less attractive guys were not their favorites.

4. They're middle-aged housewives. Listening to various online chats and looking atthe profiles of self-professed Jeff fans, it would appear most of them are women in their 30s, 40s or 50s. Many of them claim to have loving husbands and children, though one wonders how their husbands would react to their wives drooling over some loser on a reality show.

5. They live in red states. Jeff's fans all seemed to take great offense to Chima saying that Southerners can't speak English. In fact, they somehow managed to find this comment far more appalling and worthy of expulsion than Jeff telling peoplehe wanted to stab them in the neck, slit their throat, and kill their families. Never mind that Chima's comment was in direct response to some wake-up calls left by a few rednecks -- who didn't particularly sound like they couldspeak English.

6. They live on welfare and collect food stamps. They see no problem with Jeff receiving constant handouts on this show. Jeff hasn't won HOH? Let's give him the Coup d'Etat so he can have some power! Jeff is a have-not? Let's bend the rules and let him eat and take warm showers and snuggle with Jordan for the week! Jeff is too much of a terrible player to read people and accurately assess who his allies and enemies are? Let's ask the DR to tip him off so Kevin and Natalie will be screwed! Jeff is on the block, lost POV and is going to be evicted? Let's make the key have magical wizard powers so Jeff can stay and people who played the game better than he (which is, well, everyone) can get evicted instead!

7. They have no future or prospects. Jeff is a 31-year-old telemarketer with the emotional maturity of a 15-year-old who lives with his parents. For some reason, they find these qualities endearing.

8. They're lacking in intellect. Posts from Jeff's fans tend to read like a 12-year-old wrote them. Said posts are likely a) full of grammatical errors, b) full of spelling errors, c) devoid of all logic and reason, or d) a very illiterate combination of a, b and c.

9. They're warped, stalkerish and clinically-insane. We know that Jeff's fans obviously don't know much of anything about romance, or else they would not find a brainless, selfish wannabe gangster (who yells at women, utters death threats and slurs, and whose idea of a romantic encounter is to fart on his girlfriend) all that much to write home about. And we know that they're probably not all there, or else they wouldn't obsess about Jeff's and Jordan's imaginary wedding, or about Jeff "leaving" Jordan and hooking up with them and having their babies. Finally, we know that they take any perceived slight against Jeff a little too personally, hence the drudging up of people's personal photos, the exclamation-ridden diatribes if you dare to accuse them of being obsessed with Jeff, and the 1-star rating this post will have within the next 60 seconds.

10. They are childish drama queens who pout and throw tantrums when they don't get their way."WAAA! If Jeff gets evicted, I'm never watching the show again!!!!!!!"

Any questions?