Okay. Just finished watching the premiere episode of the 19th installment of "that which shall not be named". I had high expectations prior to
tonight. Past few seasons have been disappointing, and the amount of pre-season hype has been off the charts. I even heard an ad on the radio today in the
car with white trash Russ-hole talking about how he's going to give malaria to his whole tribe, or something like that. Figured I could put my hatred of
one person to the side, look past the laughable casting choices for this season (yet again), and still try to enjoy the season.
Within the first 3 minutes of tonight's episode, however, I found out that this was going to be a lost cause. My main thoughts walking away from this premiere episode tonight were: 1) "Lord Jeebus, please save me", and 2) "What the fuck just happened?"
Mark Burnett shoved an empty Corona bottle down my throat, and then kicked it until it broke. No intro sequence so that I could at least put a name to a face. Little to no emphasis on the survival aspect of this show. And instead, yet another round of "first impressions" garbage that have turned this show into an absolute travesty. Twists, protocols, and mathematical witchcraft for selecting leaders and challengers, enough to make even the most casual fan of the show go into a nervous breakdown.
Let's meet the players. Fourty-seven wearing purple. Twenty-three wearing yellow. A fat lying sack of shit Joe Pesce asshole named Russell who is starving for attention. Also, it appears that Rupert finally used his million dollars to have a sex change and change his name. (S)he almost started blubbering about being picked on in middle school AGAIN in Episode 1. And 9 other girls from Los Angeles named Kaitlyn. You've got to be fucking kidding me.
So close to 40 minutes of this show is devoted to Russhole's pathetic lies, where he thinks he's being funny, and Shambo's wry commentary that draws no laughter from the audience. She also flirts with the Coby edit for a few minutes, feeling singled out. I barely get introduced to another 5 or 6 players. The other dozen? I don't know their names. I don't know where they are from, what they do, etc. All I can recall are a few one-liners that were so racist and superficial that it makes Cook Islands look like a fucking gem. So basically, I get 2 people shoved down my throat, never even hear from another 7 or 8 girls, AND get to listen to Jeff Probst talk for another 30 minutes? Give me a break. I wash my hands of this season.
Another overall casting success. We were told in the previews that this season would break records, and I walked away from the TV tonight feeling like someone had broken my neck. Kudos, Lynne Spillman. Thank you for taking me to the brick oven tonight and making a pizza with my face. Thank you for turning our Thursday evenings into a form of mandatory torture, where as loyal fans we feel obligated to watch this week after week, holding one small glimmer of hope that this season MIGHT be different, that maybe this season won't bore us or confuse us too much. Thank you for casting such a diverse crew of characters from all across the country, with 9 of them from the same zip code.
The real shame is that I really used to like this show. A lot.
So what was the main problem with tonight's episode? Was it the departure from normal editing patterns from the early seasons of Survivor that introduced us to nearly ALL the players, which once made this show so awesome? Or was it the over-emphasis on stupid stuff, worthless challenges, and twists? The answer: Neither, really. It's more like: CBS has done their research and figured out all the things we hate most about this show and its players, and intentionally goes out of its way to ONLY show us that footage.
I give up on Survivor: Samoa, season 19. But the prospect of what is to come in season 20 is the only thing that this show can hang on to. A record number of former players to root against, which will likely give us a merged tribe that equals a mass orgy of incompetence, stupidity, and sloth, which will give this forum and others so much fuel for the fire. And for that, I will wait patiently.
Good night.
Within the first 3 minutes of tonight's episode, however, I found out that this was going to be a lost cause. My main thoughts walking away from this premiere episode tonight were: 1) "Lord Jeebus, please save me", and 2) "What the fuck just happened?"
Mark Burnett shoved an empty Corona bottle down my throat, and then kicked it until it broke. No intro sequence so that I could at least put a name to a face. Little to no emphasis on the survival aspect of this show. And instead, yet another round of "first impressions" garbage that have turned this show into an absolute travesty. Twists, protocols, and mathematical witchcraft for selecting leaders and challengers, enough to make even the most casual fan of the show go into a nervous breakdown.
Let's meet the players. Fourty-seven wearing purple. Twenty-three wearing yellow. A fat lying sack of shit Joe Pesce asshole named Russell who is starving for attention. Also, it appears that Rupert finally used his million dollars to have a sex change and change his name. (S)he almost started blubbering about being picked on in middle school AGAIN in Episode 1. And 9 other girls from Los Angeles named Kaitlyn. You've got to be fucking kidding me.
So close to 40 minutes of this show is devoted to Russhole's pathetic lies, where he thinks he's being funny, and Shambo's wry commentary that draws no laughter from the audience. She also flirts with the Coby edit for a few minutes, feeling singled out. I barely get introduced to another 5 or 6 players. The other dozen? I don't know their names. I don't know where they are from, what they do, etc. All I can recall are a few one-liners that were so racist and superficial that it makes Cook Islands look like a fucking gem. So basically, I get 2 people shoved down my throat, never even hear from another 7 or 8 girls, AND get to listen to Jeff Probst talk for another 30 minutes? Give me a break. I wash my hands of this season.
Another overall casting success. We were told in the previews that this season would break records, and I walked away from the TV tonight feeling like someone had broken my neck. Kudos, Lynne Spillman. Thank you for taking me to the brick oven tonight and making a pizza with my face. Thank you for turning our Thursday evenings into a form of mandatory torture, where as loyal fans we feel obligated to watch this week after week, holding one small glimmer of hope that this season MIGHT be different, that maybe this season won't bore us or confuse us too much. Thank you for casting such a diverse crew of characters from all across the country, with 9 of them from the same zip code.
The real shame is that I really used to like this show. A lot.
So what was the main problem with tonight's episode? Was it the departure from normal editing patterns from the early seasons of Survivor that introduced us to nearly ALL the players, which once made this show so awesome? Or was it the over-emphasis on stupid stuff, worthless challenges, and twists? The answer: Neither, really. It's more like: CBS has done their research and figured out all the things we hate most about this show and its players, and intentionally goes out of its way to ONLY show us that footage.
I give up on Survivor: Samoa, season 19. But the prospect of what is to come in season 20 is the only thing that this show can hang on to. A record number of former players to root against, which will likely give us a merged tribe that equals a mass orgy of incompetence, stupidity, and sloth, which will give this forum and others so much fuel for the fire. And for that, I will wait patiently.
Good night.
