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Nonentitled wrote:

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When you tell someone who has just pissed you off, but in a non-lethal sort of way that "it's okay" are you lying and are you a lying liar who lies, or are you just being nice and civilized?

You're a liar. And you're not being nice. The whole point of talking things over is to resolve them, so that your relationship with that other person improves in the future. If someone did something that made you mad and you them that "it's okay", then (1) the other person will continue doing whatever made you mad because he thinks it's okay and (2) you will harbor resentment against the other person without his ever knowing it. How can that possibly lead to anything other than a bad outcome? By saying "it's okay" you are taking away the other person's opportunity to make it right with you.

Passive-aggressive people are the lowest form of life in society. People who are aggressive and verbally abusive are scum, too, but at least with them you know where you stand. And sometimes you can reason with them. Passive-aggressive people are emotionally abusive and prevent any relationship from ever getting better. Over time, the only direction a relationship with a passive-aggressive person can go is downwards. They are making a unilateral decision to strip you of your humanity by taking away your opportunity to reason through a disagreement. It's just a way to maintain an illusion of power and control over a situation when they know they have neither.

But there's a big difference between interacting with a friend/family memeber/co-worker who you see regularly and someone you have a one-time interaction with, like someone who works at a store. If the cashier at the grocery store does something rude or stupid, I'll just chalk it up to him having a bad day or being a dick, neither of which reflects on me. So in those kind of situations, I'll say "It's okay" even if I'm pissed, because the alternative is to waste a lot of time on an interaction with a person I'm never going to see again. So there's no real benefit to me, except maybe an ego boost, and I'm emotionally secure enough not to need any of those. But if it's someone I'm going to see again or interact with on a regular basis, how fucking arrogant and conceited would I have to be to say "It's okay" when I'm secretly angry at them?