*** BREAKING NEWS ***
(AP) A 6.6 magnitude earthquake rocked the Queen Charlotte Island Regions of Canada as its epicenter with effects felt from Prince Rupert, BC, to Metlatkatia,
AK.
It is feared thousands are trapped inside bacon factories and thousands more dead or dying. Rescue attempts are ongoing as workers are listening for any
vocal sounds of "eh" coming from the rubble, and special equipment has been called in to locate the clang of beer cans being opened underground which
would indicate survivors.
