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Kris Allen, Adam Lambert total poseurs on debuts

November 20th, 2009, 1:03 pm · 23 Comments · posted by BEN WENER, THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER


• Kris Allen (Jive) and Adam Lambert, For Your Entertainment (RCA) -- The good news (for American Idol benefactor 19 Entertainment, anyway) is that these debuts from Season 8's nice-guy champ and flamboyant, shoulda-won runner-up are super-sleek hit machines just waiting to be revved into high gear. There are so many potential singles on each disc, it must've been nearly impossible for the teams behind these nascent pop stars to determine which tune to plug first.

Perhaps that's because there's so much repetition and recycling within each album. I've listened to both repeatedly and still have trouble telling one Train-tracked Allen anthem from another, even the funkier ones where he starts to sound more like Brandon Boyd of Incubus. The bulk of Lambert's Max Martin-designed dance drivel, meanwhile, tends to blur into one long overblown club mix, saved only by his superior singing.

The problem, as has been the case with virtually every Idol-launched talent right out of the gate, is that neither Allen nor Lambert has carved out any compelling identity -- they've merely borrowed everyone else's.

Granted, crafting a unique musical expression is a tall order even Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood have difficulty measuring up to. But I had high hopes for Lambert, the freshest, wildest thing to have emerged from America's favorite singing game-show, and arguably the most insanely gifted vocalist Simon Cowell & Co. have yet to discover.

Yet what little is enjoyable about his first effort, For Your Entertainment (in stores Tuesday), has more to do with the quality of the popsmiths and producers who were eager to lend a hand than the hyper-stylized gender-bender with the spectacular voice belting their melodies.

It's an impressive roll call: In addition to Britney beat-crafter Martin, Lambert gets songwriting assists from, among others, Weezer eccentric Rivers Cuomo, OneRepublic frontman and "Halo" author Ryan Tedder, both halves (working separately, of course) of the Pink/Linda Perry package and, most crucially, Muse's Matthew Bellamy, whose tendency toward the grandiose influences most every moment of Lambert's set.

There are vocal breaks in the thick of the otherwise inane "Strut" (with hilariously bad lyrics co-penned by Idol judge Kara DioGuardi) and the only so-so "Pick U Up" (Cuomo's contribution) that are so exactingly traced from Bellamy's playbook, he should get royalties for them as well. Instead, he only offered "Soaked," a beautiful, magnificently over-the-top piece of Queen-meets-ELO that seems to have inspired Lambert to emulate it every chance he got here. Even the airy delivery of Perry's "A Loaded Smile" can't resist its dramatic pull.

This should come as no surprise, but Lambert on record is exactly what he was on the show -- a talented poseur. Only, now he's mimicking his heroes with big-name backing and a multimillion-dollar budget.

He does so little to claim the Pink cut "Whataya Want from Me" for his own, it might as well have been sung by Ms. Moore, since she's owed both its energy and attitude. He enlists Justin Hawkins of seemingly defunct English band the Darkness for "Music Again," then blatantly copies both the cocksure swagger and high-pitched yelps of that metal goofball; I'm not sure what's more laughable, such shameless thievery or the unfortunate chorus hook "you make me want to listen to music again," for this does not.

It's really too bad the songs are such shallow ripoffs, for Lambert, as expected, more than establishes himself as one of the mightiest wailers in popular music, recent or otherwise. Why he (or his handlers) insisted on stuffing it into so many vapid rehashes of Top 40 formula, I'll never know; why it was decided to focus at least half his album on well-executed but meaningless gay disco tunes is even more baffling.

I'm all for him expressing himself truthfully, and his plastic party-time piffle certainly holds its own against the queens of the genre -- Britney, Kylie, even Madonna. But no matter how out-of-the-closet he has been since wowing on Idol, and bully for him, his reliance on effeminate electro-pop feels like some kind of betrayal of the mainstream viewers who handed him his popularity.

There's little here that bears much resemblance to the showstopper we saw in spring. Only "Fever," principally penned by Lady Gaga (who easily could be the yang to his yin), achieves a rich enough synthesis of everything Lambert is capable of -- it's great dance-rock, as infectious as Scissor Sisters' "Take Your Mama" or any of Mika's bursts of joy. (It's also another radio-ready testament to what an unexpectedly prolific talent Gaga has become so quickly.)

By contrast, Allen's debut is precisely what you'd expect it to be -- he sticks so closely to what worked on Idol, he even includes his cover of Kanye's "Heartless" as a bonus track.

At least Adam has outlandish going for him; Kris is just plain bland, no matter how much his spit-polished generic rock fulfills the wishes of the fans who voted for him. He's the Idol champ most likely to replace the singer from, oh, Lifehouse or Switchfoot.

Allen can't keep from copying his betters, either -- every track seems conceived to slot comfortably in a MYfm mix of Snow Patrol, Maroon 5, soft Incubus, Goo Goo Dolls and John Mayer ("Is It Over" is an utter ripoff of the latter). Though much heartier vocally than his sometimes reedy TV performances would have suggested, he nonetheless suffers from the same affliction that still hounds Chris Daughtry: he can't help but evoke bigger talents, and he's nowhere near developed enough to transcend them.

Because his ambition is so modest -- I don't think he has a clue how to actually be a rock star now that he's kinda becoming one -- it's hard not to root a bit for the little guy. After all, plenty of people find Coldplay maddeningly dull yet think Chris Martin is a swell guy. I'd cut him more slack than Lambert, so born-savvy he always struck me as a seasoned pro merely moonlighting on Idol for giggles. He owed us a more stunning debut; Kris only needed to not sound like Blake Lewis. Both: C+