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There isn't anything to say at a party,
until Coach leaves.

I was captured and tied to a stake,
they best me until I blacked-out,
I went in and out of consciousness,

One of them was speaking Pig-African-Pygmy,
I recognize the dialect from my trip with Phineas J. Whoopee
back in the Bongo-Congo Days miles from the Masai Mara,
he was talking about eating my ass, raw.

They did not know I could speak and understand 238 languages.
One of the other Kidnappers wanted me to be their slave,
they put me to work carving out canoe boats from huge trees,
they had great tools that were razor sharp,
after I made 2 canoes I pretended to injure myself.

It worked, I used one of the canoes to escape and the second boat
I drilled hidden holes in it so when they were chasing me it sank.
The piranhas did the rest of the expunging.

So help me God,
Or my name is not Coach.