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Well, I got my new mattress and new bedroom furniture, so that's nice.

We finally found a shade to compliment that lamp.

Still huge problems with the curtains. They are supposed to be "line dried." What the fuck? I'm not stringing up no fucking line!

There was that dead thing.

You think your Thanksgiving was bad, huh? Mine included sausage in the stuffing. I am still scowling.

We tried some new lubricant, just for fun. It was nice! But of course we'll keep going with the Astroglide, too. I mean... it's classic.

I don't have cancer of the spine like I thought.

Angela has been around here and there but she hasn't much discussed her vagina. There's still time, though.

I like the new cell phone.

We finally understand the exact nature of the singularity that created the Universe. But something happened with Tiger Woods and CNN stopped talking about it.

Fat Aunt got Showtime so I figured I'd just record Dexter for myself at her place but they don't have it available OnDemand. I was going to write a letter but I knew no one would care.

We got all those stains out. As long as it isn't blood or urine, most other bodily fluids are easily removed from fabric.

I saw something about Judge Lance Ito in a magazine but didn't care to read it.

Oh! Turns out that garlic is good for even MORE things that I had originally thought.

The baby can figure complex trigonometry now, yet she still can't say my name or use a toilet. Also, I will allow her to sit on my lap but only for short periods of time.

Mom got new shoes. I had to pretend I cared about them.

Farting is still funny.

I wrote that letter to the prosecuting attorney so we'll see what she has to say about that whole deal.

I have UPS coming probably on Monday or Tuesday.

There are seven new Viagra stories I can tell but I'm not going to.

I'll dig out the wreath probably tomorrow.

We just threw out those Russet potatoes.

The four people who have paid attention to me know about my perpetual motion machine so I won't bother to elaborate too much but I should mention that there's been a breakthrough involving diet root beer and the static electricity generated from rubbing a piece of felt against a female platypus. You just have to be careful of the poison but I think it might work.

I still haven't had a bowl of cereal since August.

When I think of more, I'll let you know.