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goesncircles wrote:

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Carboys Desire wrote:

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Ha! I think the people that write the long narrations care more about promoting themselves than they do about me.

Oh, I think they care...
Care about rubbing in how much better their vacations are than mine, how much better their jobs are than mine, how much more they get paid, how their kids got into better colleges than me, how well their kids married, etc.
Yep, I agree, those are the only people who send brag letters.
You never hear about how Dick lost his job and can't get unemployment, Cindy got knocked up and has to drop out of school, and the annual vacation to Six Flags.

One of the funniest cards I ever got was from my (very funny) friend and her kids. They included, for the first and only time, the printed "Christmas Letter." Or a parody of one.

Their abusive father had just filed for divorce, and threatened them all that they would be living out of dumpsters, and all kind of horrid stuff had happened to them that year. Anyway, they wrote this pseudo cheery note, talking about their plans for change of residence, the best dumpster locations, "Jack and Jill are looking forward to their new adventures and eagerly anticipating their new schools!" (fake names of course here from me) Judith is busy doing research to ensure this new lifestyle will offer lots of learning experiences for the kids, and has redecorated the back of her car to include a bunk-bed motif! She is, in her indefatigable way, embracing the minimalistic decorating tips, since fitting a 5 bedroom house's worth of memories into one car with 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 2 kids is quite a challenge! Jack, ever helpful, was able to steal cans of sterno from a camping store, ensuring his family will have the occasional hot meal! Only 11 years old and already our little provider!"

etc, on about school grades (C's and a few B's and D's) presented in the most flattering light, etc.

I laughed so hard I cried, and then I lost the dang thing--or I would read it every year. (They are all fine BTW.)

Hell, it was so funny. Garbage can haute cuisine recipes, basic black clothing for that stylish look when you don't have quarters for the laundromat, since there simply wasn't room in the trunk for the washer and dryer--

A very depressed little group, mom, 11 year old boy, and 8 year old daughter, started writing it together at the dining room table. Their asshole father had walked out a week before Christmas, calling their mom a leech who would never be able to support the kids, screaming that the lawyer promised he would get the house, grudgingly "giving" his wife the 15 year old car with brake issues, while taking the sports car, tricked out SUV, and boat with him, cleaning out everything of value in the house.

Anyway, they called me after they had been working on their "Christmas Letter!" for about an hour, they were laughing so hard, and I was laughing so hard that it physically hurt. Shouting out new ideas every few minutes, such as "Judith's" plans for "continuing her education" by studying shelters and food banks. "It's always important to continue to grow and learn, especially about one's community, and when one door closes, another always opens! For example, you can do sponge baths, brush teeth, and keep warm...while in the Public Library downtown, which is also filled with great works for all happily browse while getting out of the snow!"

"Little Jane is such a genius! She is so wise for her years, suggesting the mall as a great place to accomplish some of the same things, while Jack is studying up on how to siphon gas!"

I wish I could remember all of it, I don't even feel like I have remembered the really good stuff here. The spin they put on Jim's leaving was truly hysterical.

Actually, I think they only mailed it to a few select people.

BUT, they did mail it to another friend of our who sends those suckers out for real. She couldn't decide if she was horrified or amused or insulted. After talking with me, she went with amused, and ended up laughing as hard as the rest of us.

Anyway, others should do their versions of these and send them! They would be fun as hell to get, and to write. They could be a new Christmas tradition.

I do like one that a rather large family sends out. It's also funny, with pictures, never braggy, but still informative about what everyone is up to. It's a mix of low-key humor and real news--and since I love that (HUGE!) Catholic family, and can't possibly keep up with what's happening with all of them? I like theirs.