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Shambo's first words were something like "everybody loves me and wants to be around me! I'm a people magnet! ^_^"

Thirty seconds later...


she was the fat girl alone in the corner watching everyone else on her tribe frolic in the ocean. But it was like w/e because she didn't even want to be in the water because they needed to build shelter and collect firewood and she looks bad in a bathing suit and she was afraid if she got too close to Laura in the water everyone would see her erection.

In fact Shambo hated all things pleasant and social as evidenced by the giant stick she had up her ass when the 9021h0s started a stress-relieving yoga class.


For some reason Shambo's dismissive attitude and intense hatred of everything that they did made the girls of Galu distance themselves from Shambo.


iiam. The day came that Shambo was hated by the men as well, and that day was when she lost all of their camp supplies, some of their clothing and a few cameramen (little known fact: this is why Galu wasn't in the first three eps). To pay for these crimes she was sent over to the pit of suck hellhole known as Foa Foa not once but twice.


Russell: "I'm gonna send mah gurl Shambo."
Shambo: "Excuuuuuuse me?"
Russell: "Bitch don't act like you ain't hearing me."

That may have been paraphrased but w/e, the important thing is that she was despised. Once she was embraced so wholeheartedly at Foa Foa, superstar and fan favo Erik came up with the brills plan to NOT openly detest Shambo and reeled her in with a genius plan to "send the girls a message" on his own tribe by pointlessly electing Shambo leader.



Splitting your tribe in half right before a merge DOES seem logical. Such a great plan <3

Shambo was honored but not surprised because she has thousands of years of leadership experience and it was a natural choice. Not long after this failure of the democratic system, the tribes merged! Shambo could finally lead the tribe that elected her leader to victory yay! Except wait no. Instead she would fuck them over brutally and unapologetically. I like to think it was this exact moment that did it.


Laura was eliminated at the very next tribal council. Fortunately for us all Shambo's crazy didn't take a dip just because her archnemesis the Cancerous Medusa was dethroned, deboned and decapitated. NO. Instead it was time to find a new villain in Dave Ball, who dared to suggest that Shambo not boil their community chickens for four hours for fear that it would taste like rubber mold. WELL. Jesus was having none of that because he sent Shambo a Road to Damascus vision that very night


Turns out she's had 30-40 of these Godly visions in her life time, and this time she was prophesying the ninth place finish of gameshow. For some undoubtedly Satan related reason Dave didn't leave until F8, but w/e because Shambo's demons were slain and there was much rejoicing to be had.


Shambo was then uneventfully voted off after her mullet got a HUGE ep 13, including but not limited to descriptions from Russell and a head massage from Brett.


Unwilling to go out without a bang Shambo showed up to the final tribal council dressed in mom jeans and one of the ugliest and least appropriate tops I've ever seen and delivered an amazing diatribe that I will now paraphrase.


She then very publicly threw her support behind Russell ensuring that he would never ever ever win <33333

Thanks Sham!