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80. Sandee Birdsong (Miami)
14th/15 Place



What kind of bird's song would Sandee represent? Probably something that sounds like a birthing yak.

The best word I can use to describe Sandee is ignorant. I'm not talking about Michael Jackson "Stop it your ignorant" ignorant, but more like, "I'm clearly one of the front runners here even if I haven't come close to winning a single thing" ignorant. Ignorance is surely Sandee's bliss. We were met with Sandee's Georgian accent in the opening episode, and was fairly UTR the whole way, making a jambalaya with a spider crab. I love jambalaya, but I don't know if I want it with spider crab, just saying. Sounds like a mutant hybrid where I'd turn into a crustacean mutant with giant pincher claws and growing four extra legs.

Okay, that was weird. Sorry, went off on a stream on consciousness and didn't get off. ANYWAY, in the second episode, we learned more about her, so being the astute and experience reality TV veterans that we are, we immediately know that she was to be booted. Okay, that's fine. She was clearly fodder anyway, and she can leave. No biggie.

But here's the thing. The challenge was to cook "upscale barbecue", which is an oxymoron unto itself if you've ever been to one of my family's cook-outs on the charcoal grill. What Sandee decided to do was poach lobster in a vanilla sauce or whatever. Maybe it was upscale but she didn't cook it on the grill. At all. And she just thought her dish was fine and was shocked for being in the bottom, when she didn't barbecue a thing, and her vanilla lobster was so overpowering and boring (I forget which was which because really, who gives a shit?). The best moment though was once she was eliminated, she walked in first to the stew room with everyone cheering for her then saying, "Nope, it was me."

Ingridient: Dates. Even dates wrapped with pancetta couldn't disguise the fact that her dish sucked.

79. Eugene Villiatora (New York)
10th/17 Place



If Eugene is indicative of Hawaiian cuisine and chefs, then I'll make sure I make Hawaii the last state in the Union I visit.

Eugene's proud to tell you that he has no culinary school experience whatsoever. He's from a "rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean", and he'll make you love his food damn it. Okay, seems promising for a "you suck at cooking, but we'll keep your around for a little bit and have you redeem yourself" edit. Especially when in the first challenge he somehow stumbled on cooking beans and curds, a typical Indian dish. Could he actually make a run for the gold like so many other self-taught chefs and succeed?

Of course not! God, how naive could you be? Seriously. The rest of his time here, Eugene makes mediocre dish after mediocre dish for the remainder of the season, and my hatred starts during the wedding challenge when he decided that making sushi was a good idea, then neglecting to tell Gail's guests that they have to make the sushi themselves. Moron. When his group was in the bottom, he bitches in his confessionals that he doesn't need education and he knows what he's doing. Obviously not if you're always in the shitter!

Oh, and he tried to convince us contrary to Martha Stewart that housewives use corn starch to thicken their stews. Um, no. That's fucking disgusting. Slow and steady is always the way to go with cooking stews so you never have to use corn starch. Idiot. Plus the fact that Eugene constantly delved into Asian and Pacific cuisine and wouldn't ever try to compromise or learn to improve himself as a chef, he's seriously something that was better suited for being an early boot on Hell's Kitchen. And to think for a smidge I actually liked him. Hmph.

Ingridient: Coconut Milk. I don't think there was anything he cooked during the show that DIDN'T involve coconut milk.

78. Preeti Mistry (Las Vegas)
15th/17 Place



Yeah, this segment is basically going to be me bitching like the previous two how much they suck and how stupid they are.

Preeti says she's a woman, but I don't see it. On the TV, in this picture, just in general. She's either a man or a transgender. But let's not try to make this about her gender. Let's talk some shit about her personality and how much she sucks at cooking!

We all know she was cast as fodder, and again, she seemed like someone who was like, "Wow, I can't believe I'm on this show! I hope I can go far!" I always feel sorry for those who actually think they have a chance when the producers are really rigging it for the ones that they want to win *coughKevinJenniferCVoltaggioscough* But regardless, she wasn't that visible or important in the first two episodes, and what really makes her this low in my eyes is her elim episode.

Okay, personal question here. How did 9/11 affect you? For me, 9/11 didn't affect me much really. I wasn't in the know at the time and didn't have a clue what was going on. It didn't really change me, but rather how my opinions of our country on the world stage were changed. When the cheftestants learned they were cooking at Nellis Air Base, (which BTW, the commanding officer Dave Belote--who was in this episode--is on Jeopardy right now as a 5-day champion and winning over $100,000), they polluted us with many a-patriotic confessionals. Okay, that's fine. But Preeti's was so strange and just didn't make sense. Okay, now follow me on this one; she got into cooking because of 9/11, but only started going to culinary school a few years ago. Now I don't know what would make Preeti enroll in culinary school so late, but it's just confusing to me and so bizarre. And not in a good way.

So there's that quirk. The chefs decided to split into pairs to cook and Preeti partnered up with Latrine--I mean, Laurine. They decided that for our officers in the Air Force, who just came back or are going to Iraq and Afghanistan, they'd make them pasta salad. And when they landed in the bottom for this salad, the bitch just didn't get it. You're on TOP CHEF! YOU DON'T WIN WITH PASTA SALAD!!![/Tom Colicchio] She got the boot. Bye, okay, won't miss you. Later.

Ingridient: Bowtie Pasta. Because when you're in a cooking competition, making bowtie pasta salad is a no brainer.

77. Betty Fraser (Los Angeles)
07th/15 Place



Oh Bada Bing Betty. You look just like Susanne Sommers on crack.

Can I just say that before I rewatched the second season, I actually liked Betty? That was of course before I converted to the Church of Marcel. Years ago, I never really realized that Betty was just an unpleasant bitch, who started the whole "ZOMG, MARCEL'S AN AWFUL HUMAN BEING!" train that continues to this day.

Okay, Betty is kind of like that person who's so overenthusiastic about everything, and tries really hard to be liked by anyway by placing a lot of hatred towards the person that's at the bottom of the popularity food chain. This person was Marcel, and she starts the hatred during the T.G.I.Friday's challenge when Marcel starts to become frustrated that the fryers aren't working for his onion rings. Betty starts pestering Marcel, and when Marcel defends himself and stares down Betty when her stovetop isn't working as well as she wanted for her grilled cheese, Marcel gets the shit stick. I just don't understand it.

The next episode, Betty cheated during the calorie challenge. I don't give a fuck if she "didn't understand all of the rules", the bitch cheated. Even though changing the recipe for the cookies by putting in sugar instead of Splenda would have still put the entire meal under 500 calories, she couldn't change anything since IT WAS AGAINST THE RULES. Everyone understood this, but because Betty was one of the "fan favorites", she could get away with it. Fuck.

During one of the stew rooms (I think it was during the Thanksgiving episode, but I can't be sure), Betty complains about Marcel not helping her, at which he asks, "Did I not ask you or not if you could help me with my dish?" "Uh--" "Oh! Did you or did you not help me when I asked you for your help? It's a simple yes or no quest--" "IT'S NOT A SIMPLE YES OR NO QUESTION, IT'S AN EXPLANATION! SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU THE ANSWER!" -_- Way to avoid the question, Betty when you know you're wrong.

Then lastly, during the Seven Deadly Sins challenge, Marcel asks the other chefs to help him serve his dishes. Begrudingly, they agree. However, when Betty tries to serve one of his dishes too early, Marcel tells her, "Wait don't go!" at a loud volume. Loud enough to be construed as yelling at her indignantly? Absolutely not. But because he tried to correct her stupid mistake, Betty gets pissy at him because she's an idiot. I am in the Twilight Zone or something? And I the only one who thinks that Betty sucks? Or am I just being crazy?

Ingridient: Red Pepper. Was a base for one of her millions of soups.

Drboboosh2 wrote:

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Betty Seething HATE. I was so happy when she got pwnt by Marcel G.oddess. I remember when Sandee got invited to one of those lame reunions because she's a lesbian and failed... horribly.

Inorite? They couldn't have found another female chef like Sara Nguyen or Elia to take her place instead of Sandee, the chef who was eliminated second?

Page 3 bump. Update in a few. :)