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I fail in a lot of things. My opinion on Survivor castaways is not one of them.

21. Michael "Mikey B" Bortone



Memorable Quote: "Our tribe consists of 'Big Bird', the Southern Princess', we got the 'Incredible Hulk', we got 'Jon Bon Jovi in his prime' and then we got 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'. Man! It's gonna be a crew, Ha! Ha! Let me tell you!"


I don't get why Mikey B. gets any hate at all. On the show, he was funny, he knew how to play the game, and he obviously watched the show before. While I think anyone who complains about the fans not being real fans is a liar (It has been proven that all of Kathy, Chet, Tracy, Mikey B., Natalie, Jason, and Erik have watched every season. We're not sure about Mary, Truck, or Alexis, but I'm fairly confident that Alexis is the only true mactor who had never seen Survivor before being cast as a fan. Not everyone can be a Suckster.) It was good to see Mikey B. try the splitting vote strategy that I'm sure most of us have dreamed of doing on the real show. Also, he came to Sucks, and he pops in occasionally with his insight. So what if he seems like maybe he is a media whore? He's watched Survivor...since the beginning. Also, some of his confessionals were gold.

We saw on the show that Mikey B. was screwed over by a power hungry alpha male. While I have never hated Joel for his moves on the fans tribe (it was refreshing to see an alpha male play the game, no matter how strong Joel was trying to play it), I disliked how he turned on Chet the moment the tribal swap happened. This isn't about Joel, though, but Mikey B.'s supposed showmance was taken out in a somewhat ridiculous struggle for power that we hadn't seen since Rob and Sean sent Hunter home on Maraamu. Everyone on the fans tribe was constantly thinking, and Mikey B. just happened to be on the wrong side of things. Had he not been taken out, he could have continued to be a great character. Also, we later found out that at the fan's second tribal council, the vote was 4-4-1. Mikey B. actually got a tie on his side, but for some reason, the editors didn't include it (most likely because they didn't have time with the bloated cast, but I'm not going to get into that right now.) Anyways, Mikey B. was not a bad player at all, and he is my 21st favorite pre jury boot.

19. Carl Bilancione



Memorable Quote(s):
"I've been working my a- buns off, Frank's been working our buns off, and we're always thinking the next step ahead. These other people don't do that."
"You see those people on the Grassy Knoll? It's a conspiracy."
"If they thought they signed up to go to the YMCA and roast marshmellows and maybe win a million dollars, they're wrong."
"You see a strong four some here. You see a weak three some here. Where you gonna put yourself? He [Silas] would be a complete fool and an idiot to not side with the type four."


The leader of one of my favorite alliances of all time (#4 to be exact, see my alliance ranking thread), I feel like I may be ranking him too low. This New Yorker was amazing whenever his face was shown on screen, and it was a travesty that he went out the way he did. It's also a shame that few people even remember him.

Not only was Carl quotable, smart, and an extremely hard worker, he was a born leader. He is never mentioned as the leader of the Samburu elders, but it is clear that he is the one who pulled everybody (Frank, Teresa, and Linda) together to make a tight foursome. He was a strategist far ahead of his time with the way he worked on Silas. Unfortunately, Frank's big mouth was too big, and Lindsey overheard one of his conversations with Silas. Before that, Silas was clearly on their side, but the annoying pieces of shit went on the move. Logically, it made absolutely no sense for Silas to side with a group of three lazy assholes over a group of four motivated hardworking members of the tribe. They had all seen Australia, and they all knew that they needed at the very least, 5 people at the merge. Carl knew, and told us, that Silas would be an idiot to side with the group of three. Had Lindsey lost the tiebreaker, Silas would be voted off the very next night. Instead, something else happen.

Frank was the obvious target for being extremely bossy. Also, Linda was extremely crazy. Carl should have been in no danger to get any votes from the young brats until those two left. That's not what happened, though, because Carl was voted out because he didn't need the money. He didn't need the money because he mentioned what cars he owned. Are you kidding me? You are going to keep someone you absolutely hate over Carl for money? (I loved Frank, too, so I can't be that mad but still) Also, Carl, being a dentist, should know a lot more than some bitch on her period. I don't care what anyone says now, but when Africa was airing, absolutely no one was rooting for Lindsey in the tiebreaker, nor did anyone think she actually had a chance to win. She was a moron, yet that moron sent a likable guy, good strategist, and great character home far before his prime. Fuck you, Lindsey.

Why isn't Carl ranked higher? I'm actually not sure. I like everyone else on this list quite a bit. Maybe because I ended up liking T-bird and Frank more than Carl in the end? Also, I liked a bunch of other people from Africa. Losing him didn't kill the season for me, especially with what happened two episodes after he left.

Spoilers for the next 4...