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CATALIE/CLEMENTINE

NATALIE BOLTON

Natalie was cast as the hot girl fodder on the fans tribe along with Mary (Who?) on the fans tribe in Survivor: Micronesia. There were two problems with that: first of all, Natalie lasted a long time. Second of all, Natalie looked like nothing as much as a cross between a human and a feline. She was a really strange looking character. She was still hot, mind you...just not a beauty queen. Natalie also received what may be the most ridiculous edit that has ever happened on Survivor. She receieved UTR1 and INV1 from Episode One until Episode 11. She was literally invisible. No one had any idea who this faintly bizarre chick was until Episode 11, when she turned into an OTTNN insane woman who hated anything with a penis, and was bonded to Parvati like Rob and Amber in All Stars. Seriously, Natalie was the craziest. From talking about flossing her teeth on people's jugulars, to "don't be trippin'", it was perhaps the most hilarious transformation in Survivor history. Natalie was truly the OTTN feminist lesbot that the producers thought they had in Ami in Vanuatu, and she was damn proud of it. I know Natalie has gained a shocking fan following here at Sucks, and I know that they will be unimpressed with her ranking so low, but her string of UTRs and INVs made it impossible for me to justify placing her any higher. But for her hilarity and ridiculousness, Natalie Bolton receives the 18th spot.

Natalie's Story Arc

Natalie literally did not have a story arc for most of the season. I think her story can be best summed up by one of her fan threads, where they tracked every word that she said in each episode and recorded it. It looked something like this:

Episode 1

"Yeah"

"Oooh, jeeez"

"Plank! Plank! Plank! Plank! Plank!"

Episode 2

"Clean that out and use the back of the tree."

"Absolutely. I feel that some people have been segregated and now we have two shelters, so clearly there are people who get along and people who don't get along."

Episode 3

"Tree mail!"

"This is a big tree mail you guys!"

"OK. This is our comfort catalog."

"Three."

"It should be like, just like a little bitty heart."

"Glorious evening, huh."

Episode 4

"You always need to be pulling your way. You always need to be doing what you need to do to maintain a position. All I've done since I've been here is keep my head down and work. This is where the rub is for me. I don't feel like Chet really wants to help out and carry his weight. How... How do you not say, 'Dude, like either pick it up or go home.'"

"I got this one."

Lul. "I got this one". Such character development! Anyways, there were definitely signs of Natalie's impending spike of bitchdom.



Episode Four: Natalie listens to Jason and is less than impressed.


Natalie finds out she has to choose a man for her new tribe. Also, note the interesting trendsetting she is doing.


Natalie trying to feel sorry for Kathy not being able to "feel her family." Remarks Kathy is "bananas".

Anyways. She basically gets herself into an alliance with Parvati and Alexis, and is looking to get all the men off her island. When she spikes, Parvati had just gotten rid of Ozzy, and Natalie had started to bond with the loathsome Jason.

At the Survivor auction, Natalie buys a plate of bats, which she does not even dignify with an answer. Instead, she turns and walks away and lets James eat them, watching with a disgusted scowl on her face:



She then wins a bottle, which she is somewhat disappointed about, until she realizes she can send someone to Exile Island. Jason begs not to go.


Please don't send me! I've been there twice now!


"Ummm......Jason."

STONE. COLD. When Jason has a freakout, Natalie gets quite offended and comes out with this gem:


"Well, I did a good thing for Jason. He has an opportunity to find the Idol. I don't know why he's trippin'."

lul. Anyways, then Natalie wins a chocolate cake, to which her reaction is this:



When she is informed she can share it with 3 other tribemates, she selects Parvati, Alexis and Cirie, but warns them, "Don't hog the cake. I haven't eaten. I'm a little aggro right now."


"I'm watching you, Alexis."



LOL. Anyways, Natalie is literally entertainment gold this entire auction. Anyways, Natalie realizes her strategical errors when Parv tells her that Jason could have the Idol. They concoct a plan for Natalie to fool Jason into thinking there's another target, at which point Natalie plops down and gives us this confessional:


"Jason's on Exile. The little bitch now has two days of sunshine with the Immunity Idol. Guaranteed, hands down bitch will find it. And that bitch being Jason."

She then talks about how great it would be to take out all the men:


"At this point, Jason would be an idiot to listen to anything I have to say. He thinks that I'm warming up to him. Which I'm absolutely not. If this happens,
it will be absolutely brilliant. Because not only will it have happened to Ozzy once, it would happen to guys twice. Girls, against the guys. Twice."

Natalie narrows down the targets to James or Jason, depending on who wins immunity because "as evil and diabolical and cutthroat as women can be, we just suck blood. We do want Eric to have a good birthday. He's 22. So...he's not going home today." Thanks Nat!


Natalie informs Jason that James is going home that night, and that he needed to stop James from winning.

Once Jason returns from Exile, Natalie searches his bag and sees his Idol. She talks to him on the beach, where he thanks her for saving him at the last vote and says that he trusts her completley. She stutters for a few seconds (cats don't deal well with emotion), and then informs him that they're voting James. Cue Natalie's most famous confessional:


"For me, it's game on. And now I'm actually having alot more fun. I'm getting to be more of myself. Which is proving to be....pretty ruthless,
and pretty stone cold bitch, and pretty cutthroat. And I have a smile on my face. Sorry about that."

Anyways. We all know how this episode ends up. Natalie is successful in getting Jason out.


No mercy.

Anyways, she goes UTR again the next episode, which is hilarious in itself. But I guess she had to recover. But then she zooms back into the foreground when Erik wins immunity and her neck is on the chopping block. Somehow, she and Cirie manage to convince Erik to give up immunity to Natalie, and he is promptly voted out, creating this:




Anyways, Natalie basically gives up at that point and goes out at the Final Four without much of a bang. She comes raging back in, though, in the final Tribal Council, when she asks Parvati how her flirtation in the game translates in the bedroom. Literally hitting on a contestant in the FTC.


Completely serious.




She then rips the hell out of Amanda, asking her if the "vapid, doe-eyed look" was part of her strategy or who she really was as a person? Snap.


Amanda, denying she is doe-eyed. Honestly.

For a survivor villain to last, they need to bring something to the table to allow them to survive and to entertain us. Here's Natalie's questionnaire.