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Jeanne Hebert

A Middlefinger to the Sisterhood

Despite being an early boot, and a somewhat one-dimensional character, I have soft spot for Jeanne. She quickly emerged as the spokeswoman for the Older Women in Jaburu, and became the nemesis of the Sorority Sisters (an Alliance consisting of the hot Jaburu girls... and Deena, that controlled the Jaburu Tribe.) Her Edit was MOTR overall, and despite the fact I absolutely hate the toneless MiddleOfTheRoad edit, I absolutely didn't mind. Why? Heidi and Jenna were the main reasons, two characters I loved to root against.

Jeanne was a hard worker and a good challenge preformer, and visibly loathed the Sorority Sisters, all factors that made me like her. She was also the person who started that ridiculous witchhunt against Janet in the Granola Bar Incident (Jeanne was the true star in that scene, not Janet).

Jeanne also was responsible for my favourite scene from the entire Amazon season, which is featured in the Recap Episode IIRC. It takes place on Day 13, right after Joanna had been voted out, and Jeanne obviously is on the chopping block. Jeanne is extremely displeased with the Sorority Sisters (which now includes every single person in Jaburu except Jeanne herself) for ousting Joanna (the person she was arguably the closest to), so she takes her revenge... in a very subtle, but effective manner. How? Well, Jeanne wanted to cook breakfast for herself ("No way those Sorority bitches are getting my maniok!"), but when she opened the lid of the Maniok Jar, she discovered that about half of the maniok was covered in green, bluish mold. As a mischievious (and evil) grin spreads on her face, Jeanne takes as much of the mushy and moldy stuff as she can grab, rolls maniok balls of them (and covers them in more maniok powder so they look like ordinary maniok balls), and fries them. Then, she presents them to the Sorority Sisters, and they eat the lot, without even realizing what they are actually eating. Actually, the whole scene goes like this


"Rise and shine, darlings, I've made you some breakfast... heh-heh-heh-heh"


*munch*

*munch*


*munch*



"Wa' is daff?" *crunch*




*swallows it whole*

*gigglesnort*


"Wow, that's really good!"


"Delicious"



"Mmmmhmm"


"It's absolutely exquisitely cooked (for an old woman), Joan-"


"Jeanne."


"Whatever. Gene, how did you make them taste so well? It must be the blue cheeze you filled them with."



"Secret recipe, dear." *chuckles*



*burp*
"MOAR!"



By far the best thing Jeanne ever did on the show. Not only was that one of the biggest "FUCK YOU" moves in Survivor History, she also made the Sorority Sisterhood like her more, increasing her chances of outlasting Shawna. Oh, the Irony is killing me.

Unfortunately for Jeanne, she was a poor player, both strategically and socially. The only person she befriended was Joanna, who was kinda... weird. Also, when she got on Tambaqui with Christy and Heidi, it was an excellent opportunity of either pulling Dave in with the women (to get rid of Roger) or join the men in voting out Heidi, but she refused, because she didn't want to backstab someone . Instead of just doing the right thing (getting rid of Heidi), she decides to draw straws to determine which person they are going to create a deadlock tie with . Seriously, Jeanne? All because she refused to backstab Heidi. Didn't Heidi blindside her two days prior, when she voted out Jeanne's closest ally? Voting out Heidi wouldn't be backstabbing, it would be returning the favour to the Sorority Sisters, as big a middlefinger as her molfy maniok balls. Alas, she didn't, which directly caused her demise... but that's what I respect Jeanne for. She remained, under all circumstances, her own honorable self, and without being self-righteous or a camera whore like Coach. In fact, she was like the incarnation of Christ before Bobby Jon and Penner. Love thy Neighbor, feed them, never leave them, no matter how mean they are to you. And that's why I like her so much.

Ultimately, I'll have to put her in a lowish eight position, but that's only because I like the seven remaining players more, or see them as more worthy. But Jeanne <3 nontheless.

\*7*/
Dave Johnson

"Buyah!"


Some may say Dave places way too high on this list, but I think Dave's placement is just fine. The main reason why he placed so high is because I find him extremely entertaining. Dave is, and there's no way around it, and arrogant, sexist douche with an enormous ego who tries to be the coolest dude around, only to fail epicly. Dave is arguably one of the unintenionally funniest Survivors ever, if you pay attention

Dave's story starts at Episode One, when we get to know Tambaqui: a tribe filled with cocky men. Ryan is cocky. Daniel is cocky. Roger is cocky. but the cockiest of them all is by far rocket-scientist, and self-anointed womanizer, Dave Johnson. It seems like there's absolutely no way that this guy will ever get beat by a tribe consisting of only women. Then came the first challenge - After Daniel single-handedly blew Tambaqui's lead, Dave, a rocket Scientist and Rob, a Computer Engineer, go work on an albeit simple looking puzzle. Their female counterparts are Jeanne and Joanna, a marketing director and a christian fanatic. Seems like an easy battle, right? Well, Jeanne and Joann simply PWN Dave and Rob on the puzzle, and Dave's image is completely shattered at the same time. No problem, they'll win the next challenge, and he gives a peptalk to raise Tambaqui's morale. What happens next? Tambaqui loses the next challenge

While Dave gives his peptalk, Rob chuckles in the background. The relationship between Rob and Dave is one of the most interesting one in the whole season, and it's highly underutilized. (perhaps it wouldn't have been if Rob had actually won the game). Rob obviously hates Dave and his Enormous Ego, but Dave is completely unaware about his. How does that saying go? Ignorance is bliss and Dave is truly happy? Certainly applies to him.

Then, Dave joins the Misogynist Tambaqui Alliance, consisting of Roger and Butch (Alex joins it as well, but a bit later), which is absolutely no surprise. Dave is like a sultry, horny and heterosexual version of Roger. Completely unaware that women can be tough competetors as well (eventhough the Women have won 4 out of 6 challenges), obviously sexist, inept to keep the males outside the Alliance in check (Rob, Matt and later, Alex), and so naive about the game.

Then came Episode 5, and Dave is picked as Tambaqui's ambassador. He meets Jenna and they both get enough time to know eachother. I personally found his scene one of the funniest in the whole season. Dave was sounding like he was trying to seduce and have sex with her total laffos, to see Horny Dave trying to get Jenna... and fail. You see, Dave doesn't use his brain most of the time - he thinks with his dick.


Dave trying to get a sneak-peak at naked Jenna.


Then of course, Jenna blabs her alliances and Heidi joins Tambaqui. Instead of making the logical decision of ousting Heidi, and making a five-way alliance with Roger, Butch, Jeanne and Christy, he actually tries to join Heidi's alliance. I guess the amount of Hotness in the Sorority Sister Alliance was just too big a tempation to ignore. Sure he thought with his "head", but as Rob would say, he thought with the different head. Typically Dave. He's a really honest person, but when contronted with a beautifull woman his libido takes over.

Unsurprisingly, he's surprised to see Roger got at the F10 TC. Apparently he had expected the Sorority Sisters (now having Rob and Alex in it to replace Shawna and Christy - which from that point forwards is known as the High School Clique) to Christy out (an absolutely retarded decision, since Christy actually might've joined the Tambaqui Men in whoever they would target - Roger is such a retard. *sigh*). Promptly he's the next target on the High School Clique's hitlist.

Then, in his boot episode, Dave wins a reward. Finally having grasped the fact that he's not invulnerable, he takes Deena to join him. A stupid decision, but not unsurpising - it's Dave after all. The correct choice would've been Heidi - she got along very well with every single person in her alliance, and would have had enough influence to convince the majority of her alliance to get rid of Matt before Dave; Not to mention Dave knew her the best of that whole alliance and had saved her in Episode 5. In other words, there's no reason to pick Deena over Heidi - How funny that the one time Dave uses his brain instead of his dick is the wrong time to use it

Anyway, that scene leads to one of the most notorious and dubious questions in Survivor History: Did he really wank off in that hot tub?

What's the deal with the hand, Dave?

I think it's very possible he did, since he seems like the type that wanks off eleven times a day, but with naked Deena around, I'm surprised it didn't result in a blatant bonerkill. Another reason to pick Heidi, I guess

Wanking Material


Not wanking material

Then Dave tries to convince his tribe that he's a big asset to his tribe and doesn't deserve to be voted out, by doing acrobatic stunts, including climbing trees . Yeah really, I think that's even a less convincing reason than Matt's (succesfull)attempts of throwing Individual Challenges

"Look I'm a amazing. Buyah!"


*eyeroll*


Lolz, like always, Dave intentions completely backfire, and the results of this are quite obvious:


"Eight person voted out, and the first member of the Jury: Dave"



lolpwnt

That's Dave. He's an absolutely inept strategist, and tends to be quite annoying from time to time, but he's completely ignorant about his flaws, that makes him highly entertaining. For that, and that alone, he deserves top 7.