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Jeff: "This season of Survivor will put 20 of the most popular and outrageous celebrities together on the island, trying to play the ultimate game. They will have minimal food and supplies and will have to survive together or they will fail miserably. In the end one celebrity will become the ultimate survivor winning $1 Million dollars for their charity. 39 Days, 20 castaways, 1 Survivor.

The 20 celebrities were on the beach.

Confessional: Rosie O'Donnell "So I'm seeing a lot of people that I know I can beat. Also Megan Fox is here so that makes me happy."

Confessional: Megan Fox "So I'm standing on the beach, waiting for the game to start and Rosie just kept staring at me. It's like get your ugly eyes off of me."

Confessional: Joan Rivers "I'm looking around and all I see are these young kids that probably don't even know who I am"

Confessional: Brett Favre "These people are all weak, Tiger Woods is my only competition. If I can make the merge I will win."

Jeff: "Welcome to Celebrity Survivor. As you see the 20 of you are on the beach. However we have not selected the tribes yet. We randomly picked captains. Adam Sandler and Zac Efron were the lucky picks. You will pick a woman to join the tribe. Then that woman will pick a man and so on until we have our two tribes."

Adam: "I pick Megan Fox" Zac: "I pick Stacy Keibler" The selections continued until the two tribes were selected. After the selections Jeff gave the tribes a map, and they went off to camp.

Bongo Tribe-Day 1

Favre was leading the building of the shelter. Brett: "Hey Joan and Stacy, will you two go get some water?" Stacy : "Sure"

Confessional: Joan "Why do we need water before we even have shelter or fire."

Joan and Stacy went and got the water though. Favre, Zac, Clint Eastwood, Conor Oberst and Logan Lerman worked on the shelter while Lady Gaga and Marisa Tomei got some coconuts. Kate Gosselin laid on the beach suntanning.

Confessional: Marisa Tomei "So we are all working, Except for Kate. She just lies on the beach by herself. So first off she isn't helping and then she ostracizes herself. I don't get it."

Loxo Tribe-Day One

When the Loxo tribe arrived at camp, Rosie collapsed to the ground. "I'm so f***ing tired and hungry" she screamed. Adam : "I say we all take a rest."

Confessional: Ellen Page "Okay so as soon as we arrive the fatass is hungry and dead. Basically we walked like 2 miles and she's dead. And I can't wait to see what she's like after she starves for a couple of weeks. And then Adam wants to take a rest. I'm thinking we just got here, and we need to build shelter, get water and food. But whatever"

The tribe laid around and rested. Around Noon: Joe, Shawn Johnson, Natalie, Ellen and Jimmy got up to start working. Rosie: "Sit down kids. There is no reason to get up." Natalie: "We need to get started soon, otherwise we will be sleeping on the sand tonight." Rosie: "I'll do it anyway."

Confessional: Joe Jonas "Rosie is unpleasant"

As the group of 5 went in the woods to get logs Ellen suggested an alliance. They all agreed.

That night the tribe slept in the shelter except for Rosie she slept in the sand.

Day TWO

Loxo Tribe-Day Two

Rosie woke up first she realized that she had all sorts of marks on her arms. When Megan woke up she asked Megan to look at her back.

Confessional: Megan Fox: "So I look at her back and it's all covered in bug bites. It looked like one giant pimple on her back. And then Rosie decides to take her shirt off and there are bugs all over her stomach fat too."

Then as Rosie is topless, Ellen and Adam both wake up. Adam: "My EYES are burning" Adam motions to his eyes and he falls on the ground laughing. Rosie: "That was not nice, bitch." Adam: "It was just a joke."

Confessional: Ellen Page "So Rosie topless was like the worst thing ever, but at least I wasn't mean about it. Adam made this big old drama queen skit thing. He's just an idiot."

Rosie put her top back on before the rest of the tribe woke up.

Bongo Tribe-Day Two

Lady Gaga was the first one to wake up. She tried to get the fire going before the rest woke up. It took her 45 minutes but she finally got a spark and then expanded it.

Confessional: Lady Gaga "I got a fire going. I was so excited because that should keep me around longer."

As the rest of the tribe slowly woke up they were excited to see the fire.

Confessional: Conor Oberst: "I was excited and shocked that Gaga got the fire going. I never would have guessed that she would be able to do that."

Kate was the last one to wake up. Logan went and got the treemail. "Tied together, you will have to be faster, maybe even the master, or you may be the first one gone."

Confessional: Logan Lerman "Today's challenge sounds like some sort of race with maybe a puzzle that we have to master or something."

Jeff brought the tribes together.

Jeff: "Today's challenge will have 9 of you tied together and you must race to the ocean and swim to a buoy in the middle where you will grab a bag of puzzle pieces. Then you will swim back to the beach give the pieces to the last person to complete the puzzle. First tribe to complete the puzzle wins immunity. The losers will vote the first person out of the game"

Clint will do the puzzle for Bongo and Art will do it for Loxo.

Jeff: "Survivors ready? Go!!!"

The Bongo tribe started off with an early advantage. However Joan got tired about halfway to the platform and she was basically dragged along. Loxo was led by Tiger and Shawn. They got the puzzle pieces first and gave Art a huge lead. He had trouble but finished the puzzle before Bongo even got back to the beach. Jeff: "Loxo wins immunity !"

Bongo Tribe-Day Two

Confessional: Zac Efron "So we lost today. It sucks but at least now we can cut out some dead weight. Either Kate who does nothing around camp, or Joan who sucks at challenges."

Brett, Marisa, Zac, Conor, Gaga, Stacy and Logan were talking while Kate, Joan and Clint slept. Zac: "So who are we voting for?" "I like Joan better but I think she will hurt us in challenges." Said Marisa "Yes, but Kate is a cancer in the tribe." said Logan. "True" said Marisa

Confessional: Joan Rivers "So I know I'm a target. I was lying down with my eyes closed and they all started to talk about voting me off. So I'm just going to work around camp to see if it will change their minds."

Bongo Tribe-Day Three

Confessional: Lady Gaga "So today we are voting someone off. Really I don't like this alliance thing but if it keeps me longer then I guess I have to do it."

Tribal Council #1-Bongo Tribe

Jeff: "Welcome to tribal council. Please grab your torches and approach the flames. Fire represents your life on the island. If it goes out, so do you." After the tribe sat down Jeff started the questions. "Brett how have the first few days been going?" Brett: "So far so good. Ms. Gaga got us fire and we have a nice shelter." Jeff: "But Zac do you agree?" Zac: "I do. I know we lost yesterday but I think this is starting out well." Jeff: "So Gaga what was it like to get the fire going?" Lady Gaga: "It was awesome, I never thought I would be able to get it but I did." Jeff: "Marisa is anyone around camp not pulling their weight around camp?" Marisa: "Well Kate hasn't helped at all. And she stays by herself all the time so I haven't really gotten to know her at all." Jeff: "Kate is that smart?" Kate: "I don't know. I just miss my kids." Stacy: "I don't see why she can use that as an excuse. We all miss someone, but we all work around camp." Kate: "You don't have kids though." Joan: "I have kids and I still work around camp." Kate: "But you suck in challenges." Joan: "I gave 110% it wasn't like you did anything that great either." Kate: "Whatever"

Jeff: "And with that it's time to vote. Brett you're up first."

The tribe went up one by one to vote.

Kate: "Joan I'm voting for you because you suck at challenges, you suck at comedy and you suck at life."

Joan: "Kate it's either me or you tonight. You are one of the fakest bitches in the world so I hope it's you. Tell Jon I said Hi."

Marisa: "I'm sorry, but tonight we need to get rid of one of the cancers."

Jeff: "I'll go tally the votes."

Jeff: "First vote…Joan." "Second vote…Kate" "3^rd vote….Joan" "4^th Vote Joan" "5^th vote… Joan" "6^th vote…Joan" "And the 1^st person voted off the island is…Joan Rivers"

Jeff: "Joan please bring me your torch." Joan: "F*** you all" Jeff: "The tribe has spoken" As Joan left she yelled "F*** you Kate"

Jeff: "Well that was an interesting way to start. Head back to camp."

Joan was voted out 9-1.

Joan's Final words: "I can't believe they voted me out. I don't care I just want to get back to civilization and food."

Previously on Celebrity Survivor: The 20 Celebs were split into tribes. At Loxo Rosie and Adam annoyed Ellen, who then made an alliance with Natalie, Jimmy, Shawn and Joe. At Bongo Kate did nothing around camp. Joan was annoyed with Brett as the leader, but when Joan lost the challenge for her tribe it was a choice to vote out the weak or the useless. In the end the Loxo tribe decided to vote out the weak and Joan Rivers was the first person voted off of Celebrity Survivor leaving in one of the most hate filled rants in Survivor history. 19 remain.

Episode 2- I'm Dying Out Here

Night Three-Bongo Tribe

As the Bongo tribe made their way back to camp after voting off Joan Rivers, Kate was upset.

Confessional: Kate Gosselin "I can't believe that Marisa would flat out say I don't pull my weight around camp. She's just not playing very smart. I want her gone."

Before the tribe slept they talked about Joan's exit. Logan: "It surprised me a lot. She was so nice, but I guess getting voted off shows your true colors." Stacy: "She was probably upset that she was called a cancer though." Brett: "Who cares? She's gone. That's all that matters."

Confessional: Brett Favre: "To me it doesn't matter how these people feel when they get voted off. They all have to go eventually anyway."

Day4-Loxo Tribe

Megan was the first person to wake up. She then tried to start a fire but was unsuccessful.

Confessional: Megan Fox "I've had a hard time sleeping out here. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. I can't let them know that though because it will be my downfall. So then I tried to start a fire but I couldn't get it. Whoever gets the fire basically guarantees that they make the merge."

Joe woke up as Megan gave up on the fire. Joe: "How was your night?" Megan: "It was okay. I was just trying to make the fire, but it sucked." Joe: "That's okay. We really need fire though." Megan: "Yes we do. I'm dying of thirst." Joe: "Yeah we are all going to get dehydrated soon." Megan: "Let's go get some coconuts." As Joe and Megan left, Art had awoken and he saw them go off.

Confessional: Art Garfunkel "It is apparent to me that Joe and Megan are in an alliance. They went off in the jungle. They probably are out there making babies as we speak. We need to get rid of them fast."

Day 4-Bongo Tribe

Confessional: Marisa Tomei: "So last night we voted off Joan. It was hard, but I accidently opened my mouth about Kate. She is probably gunning for me as we speak. But I should be okay because Kate is gone the next time we go to Tribal Council."

As the tribe woke up they were surprised how quiet it was. Logan: "This is weird." Stacy: "What is?" Logan: "How quiet it is. And it feels like there is a lot more room." Stacy: "Really? I didn't think Joan was that fat." Logan: "No I didn't call her fat. I just meant it seems empty without her." Stacy: "Ohhh, duh."

Confessional: Zac Efron: "Stacy isn't the smartest girl in the game. But she is one of the hottest."

As the tribe talked, Kate sat in the shelter. "I feel like I'm hated. I'm not a bad person. I'm not." Kate told the camera. Marisa came and sat next to Kate. Marisa: "I'm sorry for saying you didn't work around camp, last night." Kate: "It's okay. I just kinda feel underappreciated." Marisa: "Oh, I'm sorry. We all love having you around." Marisa hugged Kate.

Confessional: Marisa Tomei "Well I didn't know why she would feel underappreciated, but I just wanted to let her know that we loved her. Even if some of us don't"

Confessional: Kate Gosselin "Marisa is so fake. She came up and hugged me. I'm sitting there wanting to slap her in the face. She sucks, she really does."

Reward Challenge #1

Jeff: "Come on in Loxo" After the Loxo tribe had arrived. "Loxo, time for you to get your first look at the Bongo tribe, Joan voted off last night." Rosie: "That's not surprising. There was no way she would survive out here." Jeff: "Today's challenge… each tribe will be tied together. You will be set on opposite sides of the oval track. You will be holding a 300 pound weight. Whenever someone wants to drop out they may. First tribe to catch up to the other tribe wins spices and the opportunity to send someone from the other tribe to Exile Island." Jeff: "Who's sitting out?" Art: "I am" Jeff: "Okay let's start"

After 10 Minutes Rosie drops out. At the 15 minute mark Kate drops out. Kate: "I'm sorry guys" Stacy: "Whatever" At 17 minutes, Adam dropped out. Adam: "That was heavy." Ellen under her breath: "No duh asshole." At 20 minutes Clint dropped out. At 27 minutes Conor dropped out. At 33 minutes Stacy dropped out. At 37 minutes Lady Gaga dropped out. That gave the Loxo tribe enough advantage to catch up and win reward. Conor: "Shit" Jeff: "Who do you guys want to send to Exile Island until the next immunity challenge?" Adam: "The kid that said shit." Conor: "The name's Conor." Adam: "Who cares?"

Exile Island-Day 4

Confessional: Conor Oberst "I don't like this at all. I don't know how to make fire, I don't know how to fish, and I have no shelter. This sucks. Plus I'm away from the tribe so it hurts my standing in the tribe. Who would have ever thought that I would depend on Lady Gaga to survive?"

Day 4-Loxo Tribe

Confessional: Ellen Page "So today we won reward. At the challenge Rosie sat out. And then Adam was out of the challenge early. I mean I lasted longer than him and I'm at least half of him."

Adam was carrying the spices into the camp, and as he did he tripped and spilt them all over the ground. Rosie: "What did you do?" Ellen: "Seriously?" Adam: "Sorry everybody it was an accident." Rosie: "No you pathetic piece of crap. We won that and you just ruined it." Adam: "Actually you didn't do anything." Rosie stormed off to the shelter.

Confessional: Ellen Page "Let me just stress this. I hate him. Everybody thinks he's so funny. He's not. He's a pathetic clumsy man that ruined our reward. I want him gone as soon as I can."

Confessional: Natalie Maines "So we get back to camp and Adam spills the spices. Naturally I'm mad, but I controlled my emotions. Rosie just freaked out on him."

Rosie: "You don't know how important those were. They would make the rice taste better." Adam: "I'm sorry. It's not like you did anything. You could have carried them. Plus you could go without eating for 10 years what does matter." Rosie: "Excuse me. You have done nothing but be mean the whole time." Adam: "That's the pot calling the kettle black." Rosie: "I've been nice the whole time, right Shawn?" Shawn: "Ummm…sure" Adam: "You scared that out of her."

Confessional: Shawn Johnson "Rosie is scarier than Adam, so I don't want to get on her bad side. But really neither of them is that bad."

Day 4-Bongo Tribe

Confessional: Lady Gaga "So today we lost the challenge. It sucks but things could be a lot worse. Like poor Conor is on Exile all by himself."

Day 5-Loxo Tribe

Confessional: Jimmy Fallon "So last night it rained the whole time. And this morning everything was wet so it was even harder to make fire. Everything was already depressing because of the fight yesterday, but the rain made it worse."

Joe: "Do you think there is any dry wood around here?" Tiger: "I don't know. It's not like we had fire anyway so what's the point of looking?" Shawn: "We can still try. As long as you hope things can always change." Tiger: "Whatever. I don't think there is any reason to try. We aren't going to get it." Natalie: "Well you don't have to. I'll do it if no one else will." Rosie: "I think we let her try." Ellen: "I'll help." Joe, Shawn, Megan and Jimmy all agreed to help. As they went off to find some wood, Art brought up the fact that he had seen Megan and Joe go off on their own. Rosie, Adam, Tiger all listened.

Confessional: Tiger Woods "I think Art's just trying to save himself. What's it matter if they went off on their own. We all have done it at different times."

Day 5-Exile Island

Confessional: Conor Oberst "Last night it rained the whole time. I had zero sleep and no food. I'm dying out here. Exile Sucks. Plus there wasn't any clue to a hidden immunity idol, so there is nothing to do out here."

Day 5-Bongo Tribe

Confessional: Logan Lerman "I'm worried about Conor. I don't think he will like being out there all alone."

Lady Gaga: "How do you guys think Conor is doing?" Zac: "I don't know. It's the isolation that would get me." Logan: "I hope he can make fire. Otherwise he's screwed."

Confessional: Brett Favre "They're all worried about Conor. I hope he dies out there. It's one less person that I have to beat. They aren't thinking."

Immunity Challenge #2

Jeff: "Come on in." The Loxo tribe and Bongo tribe stood on their mats. Jeff: "Conor come on in." Conor sulked on his way in. Stacy gave him a hug as he came in. Stacy: "How was it?" Conor: "It sucked. I'm still wet and I had no food." Stacy: "Well you'll be back home soon." Jeff: "I'm taking that it was hard Conor?" Conor: "It was the hardest thing I've ever done." Jeff: "Well it's time for the challenge. Today's challenge will be a maze. Each tribe will have one person on a platform. The rest of the tribe will be blindfolded. The platform person must lead the rest of the tribe using their voice. The first tribe to get all of their blindfolded out will win immunity. Who's sitting out?" Ellen: "I will" Jeff: "Who's going to be on the platform?" Marisa: "I will." Art: "I will." Jeff: "Okay let's get started." Jeff: "Survivors ready? Go!!" Marisa: "Okay go left, then wait for everyone else." Art: "Go right. Go right." Rosie: "This is right. There is a wall here." Art: "Go the other way. I don't know which way is which." Ellen rolled her eyes on the bench. Marisa led her tribe to a quick and solid victory while Art kept giving the tribe the wrong directions. Jeff: "Bongo wins immunity!!" As the Bongo tribe celebrated the Loxo tribe was depressed.

Confessional: Ellen Page "I can't believe we picked the one guy that didn't know which way was which. He has a target on his back but I will do my best to make sure Rosie or Adam goes."

Night 5-Loxo Tribe

Confessional: Art Garfunkel "Well I dug a huge hole for myself. They already thought I was weak and I bombed the challenge. I know my directions but the heat, and stress jumbled it up. I just hope I can put doubt in these people's minds."

Confessional: Joe Jonas "So we lost and now we have to decide who to vote off. Do we vote off Art or Adam? Art is weaker, but Adam has hurt our tribe emotionally. Rosie could go, but I think she's stronger than both of them so she should stay."

Ellen, Shawn, Joe, Jimmy, Natalie and Megan went in the woods to discuss strategy. Ellen: "So who should we vote off?" Megan: "Art lost it for us." Shawn: "But Adam is so demoralizing." Jimmy: "Adam is a good guy, but I think this has changed him." Natalie: "Well Rosie told me that Art said that he thought Joe and Megan were off making babies in the woods and that they would go to the F2 together." Joe: "We just went to get coconuts." Natalie: "Well it didn't matter, because no one believed him anyway." Joe: "Yeah we wouldn't be making babies seeing how I believe in being pure until marriage and Megan is engaged." Ellen: "So are we taking him out or Adam? I vote Adam. Art is just a crazy old man." Natalie: "Well I guess that's what we have to decide."

Tribal Council #2-Loxo Tribe

Jeff: "Welcome to tribal council, please grab your torch and approach the flame. As you know fire represents your life on the island. If it goes out so do you." After the Loxo tribe sat down Jeff began. Jeff: "Rosie what was the reason you guys lost today?" Rosie: "It was Art. He gave us the wrong directions. Marisa led them to victory. We had no chance with him." Jeff: "Well whose decision was it to have Art lead?" Adam:"He decided himself." Jeff: "Art do you regret that?" Art: "No. I know my directions. The pressure got to me." Jeff: "Ellen how did you feel about it? You had to sit and watch your tribe lose." Ellen: "That was the hardest thing. Because I knew I could beat Marisa but I didn't have the chance." Jeff: "Shawn you're a gold medalist, what was it like to lose?" Shawn: "Well Art tried his best and that's all we can hope for." Tiger rolled his eyes. Jeff: "Tiger would you like to say something?" Tiger: "Well she always talks about hope. But Art failed it's his fault we are here. We can't hope for his best, we need his best." Jeff: "So is anyone else worried here tonight?" Adam: "I am. I spilled the spices. Rosie freaked out on me. I'm expecting it to be me tonight." Jeff: "Well with that, it's time to vote. Shawn you're up."

Adam: "Art I'm voting for you tonight. I think it's either me or you but I love your music. Bridge over Troubled Water is one of my favorites."

Art: "Tonight I'm voting for Megan. We need to break up the couple."

Rosie: "Adam you can go suck it."

Jeff: "I'll go tally the votes."

The votes were revealed:

Adam

Art

Megan

Art

Art

Art

And the 2^nd person voted off of Celebrity Survivor is…Art.

Jeff extinguished Art's torch. Jeff: "Since you guys don't have fire yet you will be leaving your torches here." Megan: "Darn"

Art's Final Words: "Well I was voted off. I thought it might happen. I'm okay with how I did. I wouldn't change a thing. I wish my tribe good luck. I'm glad I don't have to listen to Rosie and Adam fight anymore"