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Yeah, I know it's long... and this is only the first part of it.

If you're one who despises a specific snotty, arrogant, conceited little boy, though, give it a chance and consider giving it a perusal. Doing so might very likely bring quite a few smiles to your face.



And now...



...goes TO...




Part I: The Origin of SpecieStupidity


SO... it's perhaps in order to give a bit of back-history for those who aren't "in the know"... or may have simply forgotten it...

Fall, 2007...I do the "Pick 'Em" game for the first time, a game which was expressly stated as being a friendly game, for fun, for the people of this board who wanted to partake in it. For fun - it's not a difficult concept to understand. It's not an absolutely strict, 'by the BOOK!' game - there's no money being wagered here, no prizes of actual monetary worth to be won... it's just for fun... a game to be enjoyed in a friendly, casual fashion by those of us who like to 'talk college football' in this thread. It ain't Vegas gamblin', folks.

Have I mentioned that it's just for fun, yet?

Most people 'got' that concept the first time around. 'Most'. Aka, everyone with the exception of one UneducatedCretin who is too stupid to be able to achieve success in grasping the co(ck... no, wait - that's another thing entirely... never mind!)ncept of a game at a messageboard being played amongst casual friends for fun, despite multiple repeated instances in which it's been stated that that's why I wanted to have the game in the first place.



SO (this which I'm about to discuss has also been covered in detail, in multiple instances, but clearly needs repeating [yet again!] for those who are so stupid that 'for fun' is a phrase which they're apparently incapable of comprehending), with the for fun thought in mind... if a football game's only a few minutes old, and nothing's happened which would give a person an unfair advantage in regards to their making a pick for that game... I'll give 'em a little leeway and count their pick in a for fun game.

There is, and has been, no favoritism shown towards anyone in doing that. This year, there was an instance in which I did count at least one slightly late pick which Radiognome had made... but there was also an instance in which I did not count at least one 'a bit TOO late' pick which she'd made. Whether or not to count a pick in such instances boils down to a manner of thinking which some people who live their lives in an "insulated from reality, strictly 'college-boy'", "everything's black and white" world are too stupid to understand...

...common sense.





And now, a word from one of our sponsors.

<sponsor message>





- "Hello!! I'm Robert Birgeneau, Chancellor of the University of California, Berkeley."


"Here at the U of C, we believe that every student deserves the opportunity to receive a quality education... not only the "little Einstein's" of the world, but also those who are UniversityChallenged - students who are so stupid that they have profound difficulty with even the simplest of concepts... such as, oh... perhaps Plane Geometry, for example."


"In an effort to help broaden the minds of those unfortunates amongst us within our Cal student body, we've invited a visiting exchange professor from...

...Stanford University,...

...Dr. Ima Heluvalots-Martrthanu, to teach for us today a lesson in Plane Geometry."


"From the University of California, Berkeley, I'm Chancellor Robert Birgeneau. Have a good day!!"




<Plane Geometry lesson>
- "Hello; I'm Dr. Ima Heluvalots-Martrthanu, of Stanford University."

"In my decades of teaching, I've found that some students are so stupid that the only way to explain a concept to them is through the utilization of pictures... as words alone simply do NOT work with them. With that having been said, here is today's lesson in Plane Geometry - the definition of the word MIDDLE in geometric terms."


- The number '6' is precisely in the MIDDLE of this ruler.



- The woman in the white dress is in the MIDDLE of this group of singers.



- The 50-yard (not meter) line is exactly in the MIDDLE of this football field.



- The carbon atom is trapped in the MIDDLE between those two rad oxygen goons.



- This lucky son-of-a-bitch is in the MIDDLE of a goodly number of fine young boobs.




"And now, as a counterexample, let us view something which is NOT in the MIDDLE. Depicted below are the four Quarter playing segments of a standard American College Football game, with '+' signs located at 5-minute intervals, yielding 15 minutes per quarter (60 minutes total) during a game. The HALFTIME entertainment portion of such games marks the MIDDLE point of said games."


|----+----+----| |----+----+----| HALFTIME |----+----+----| |----+----+----|
|___|
|-- However, the first 5 minutes of a football game - NOT MIDDLE.


"I'm Dr. Ima Heluvalots-Martrthanu, of Stanford University. Go Cardinal!!!"

</Plane Geometry lesson>
</sponsor message>





Thank you, generous corporate sponsor. Now, back to tonight's program.


In another caveat of the "Pick 'Em" game, I decided upon a "play 85%" rule - basically, a person needs to make guesses in around that many (or more) games to potentially be crowned as the Winner of the game. This rule takes into account the fact that most of us have 'real life' things which may crop-up from time-to-time which might prevent us from making selections in all of the games during the year. People may sometimes forget to make their picks on the early games of a week... or perhaps forget a week entirely. Having that occur once, or perhaps twice, won't kill a person's chances of doing well in my game, though, because of this "85%" rule that I choose to utilize.

Most everyone understands the sensible reasoning behind that rule.

One UnrealisticCurmudgeon however was immediately heard to cry, "That's NOT FAIR!!" upon reading this rule implementation. He was the only person who voiced any problem whatsoever with this rule, as I recall. (Surprise, surprise...)


Some people have to WHINE about EVERYTHING though, y'know.




Somewhere around that point, having tired of his constant bitching and whining, said contestant was removed from the 2007 version of my game, and was additionally not allowed to participate in the 2008 "Stupid Underdog Picks" game, as well.



In the next installment: "Can we have some WHINE with that?"