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THE GRUMPY OLD MAN



THE SAGA CONTINUES

On that exciting morning when the entirely spoiled and constantly rehashed Heroes vs. Villains cast was revealed, everyone on Sucks cheered and fanboyed about how everyone they loved got on but then were like, "oh but so did Randy and he sucked."  Thankfully there were a few brave posters who pointed out that just because Randy didn't bow down to Crystal's every whim didn't make him unfit for an All Stars season.  They were immediately pilloried and relegated to Lions, Tigers and Sucks (aka the hellhole of which we do not speak).  I think Randy is a very unique figure in Survivor lore, and he was the most recent truly hated villain by the general viewing audience.  Sure we have Tyson and Coach and Russell but are they really hated?  I don't think so.  Randy also is a very unique figure in Survivor lore, and as such, I felt he was a great addition to the cast, although definite pre-merge fodder.  Also, sound bites like this:

"I know for a fact that I’m a better player than Bob, Susie, or Sugar. I’m positive; not a doubt in my mind. But the best player doesn’t always win Survivor.” He added, “This time, I know that I can win.”

Make me love Randy.  His bitterness is so raw and real.  Also, Jeff Probst described him as a "long shot".  Which automatically bumps Randy up in my book.  Those of us who were spoiled knew immediately he would be neglected to be a random UTRN presence until his boot where he would have some lucid moments but go out with a whimper, revealing he had no idea where the hidden machete was.  Unfortunately, we didn't even get the hidden machete story so he was disappointing on a few levels but he still brought it to the game. 

Randy's Story

Randy's role in Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains was not so much as a player in his own right but was used as an oppositional force.  He was the UTRN presence to Boston Bob's OTTP; he was the stoic friend to Parvati's flirty whoreishness; he was the poor old man to James' out of control roidrage.  Each of these was only a small segment overall, and yet Randy shone through in each of them.

He was pathetically underused in Episode One, getting nary a reaction shot.  He was, however, used as the example of why the villains tribe sucked.


"I hate being on the loser tribe and losing with these losers!"


*zoom in on useless fatties*

Anyways Boston Bob decides he's making fire for his tribe, goddamnit.  Cue old fogey Randy who is, at best, sceptical of the idea.  "So you're just gonna cut a....gadge in there?"  he questions in a tone implying that Rob is functionally retarded.


Rob considers the ramifications of a prison sentence to Lucia and Ambah vs. the satisfaction of turning the machete on the old man.

Just in case Rob didn't understand his clear disdain for the idea, Randy informs everyone that:


"Nobody's going to get voted out for not making fire and nobody's gonna get to stay trying to make fire. 
So why don't we just...blow it off? *laugh*  Why don't you just not tire yourself out?"

If the point wasn't made well enough, cue to the one and only Randy confessional of the episode:


"Y'know, I've played this game before and if you don't have flint and steel, you can't make fire.  Not by rubbing two sticks together. 
We have 39 days.  I'm sure we'll get fire by the end of 39 days."

At this point everyone should have been like "lol they're gonna get fire". 



"You're down here, too.  None of us are going to do anything."

^ actual quote lol.  Thanks Randy!  Then we get another Boston Bob confessional in which he describes his tribe as "not the sharpest tools in the shed."  Cue a zoom in on Randy:


And his Edgic viability comes to a crashing halt...Though I hear it takes quite a bit these days.

And that was all for Randy in Episode One.  But never fear, thought some.  Episode Two would surely bring us fun and excitement!

Well, Randy got the opening quote in Episode Two...but it wasn't quite what one would wish for.




Such a ray of sunshine.

Cue more implied negative SPV from Boston Bob at which point he describes the general bitchery as making him "physically sick".  Cue another Randyism:


"I'm so cold." ;-;

He begins a one episode feud with Suckster favourite Courtney when he criticizes her contribution to the shelter by dismissing her as a "New York waitress turned construction professional".  Courtney seems to also mildly dislike Randy, but doesn't seem to know who he is simultaneously.  When her and Parvati and Danielle have a Mean Girls moment on the beach, and they're complaining about the suckitude of their males, Courtney is heard to explain this:


"How come they get all the awesome guys, and we get....DANDY!"



Parv and Danielle ponder this "Dandy" character.

The one episode arc of the Courtney-Randy feud ends abruptly upon them winning immunity tho, when Courtney hugs him.



Then came Randy's boot ep which was destined to be golden.  Instead, it was all about Parv.


*Randy finds clam*


"Who wants clam?  Russell?  Rob? Parvati?"

*everyone silent*


"Courtney?"



*silence*

*more silence*

*turns to awkward silence*

RANDY:  Well I just didn't want to eat it all...
TYSON: Well then just eat some of it and throw the rest away.


JERRI: lol


"I found a giant clam worth 5 or 6 bites of food and...nobody cared.  I'm used to Survivor when somebody brings a fish in this size *shows viewer* and the entire tribe swarms
 them looking to get an ounce of meat and eat what you can eat when you can eat it and don't ask questions 'cause you don't know where your next meal is coming from."

Randy then expresses his frustration with the game and life in general when he shares with us that, "Survivor is in a lot of ways like real life.  You don't get ahead by being smart or clever or hard working.  You get ahead unfortunately with a pretty smile and being able to schmooze people...and Parvati is the Queen.


Both of which Randy possesses in droves.

In the Immunity Challenge, Randy faces off against James which is lol in the first place but then Randy stokes the fiery burning passion of James' roidrage by taunting him:



That is quintessential Randy and why I love him so much.  But obvi he loses and then he immediately becomes the boot target with ice queen Parvati as the decoy.


"You don't need to be told that you're the boot target.  You can just sense it.  I'm the oldest guy in this game.  I'm the oldest guy on this tribe. 
And Russell and Boston Rob and probably Tyson are falling for the oldest trick in the book since caveman days.  These girls will get what they want if they bat their eyes and flirt."

Small interlude: lol @ everyone describing the girls effects on the boys and always qualifying it on the always sexually ambiguous Tyson.  "Tyson's probs affected."  "Tyson might be attracted to them."  lol  Anyways Randy goes out warning about the Micro alliance except he approaches Coach which is probs not the best decision ever.  But he then informed Coach that he didn't want to play with the idiots who would vote him out over Parvati, but my favo part was this:


"And when you come to Loser's Lounge, I'll buy ya a beer."  *floats away*

He unsurprisingly gets booted unanimously and then dramatically tosses his buff in the fire.  Such dramatic exits this season!





One of the best things about Randy tho is that he informs the cameramen after that he couldn't compete with the fake breasts of Courtney and Parvati.  lol.

A VILLAIN'S LIFE

Did The Villain Change?: His edit changed, but Randy didn't.  He was still the sharp-tongued jackass, but instead of being OTTN he was UTRN.  He couldn't get much airtime with so many characters, and who can blame him?
How Good Was Their Game: As good as can be expected - he never could be anything but pre-merge fodder.
EDGIC: UTRN2 - UTRN2 - CP4