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Ok, next up Top 15 territory:


! Hatch. <3

I basically find it impossible to appropriately rank Season 1 contestants into my favo anything since it was so incredibly different than any season ever, but there's one thing I can always use as my anchor: Richard Hatch is awesome. No one caused the controversy he did, from winning by creating voting alliances to getting jailed 17 times to his many elegant post-Survivor adventures. All of our lives would be emptier in a world without R-Hatch and you need to make peace with this.

What is there to say about Borneo Hatch, really? Not much. He sexploited Greg Buis and also created a weird anti-showmance with part-time homophobe Rudy Boesch. Sue was his #1 hag and Hatch had that adorkable dance when he won his first individual immunity. <3 He was also naked a lot which I just don't really get or care about but I guess TV was a more innocent time back then and it was a ~really big deal~. Whatever.

I think Hatch's enduring legacy is what allows him to break into my Survivor loves, such as this LOL clip of him epicFAILING at the Australian "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"

He also had his breakthrough cameo in the horrendously unfunny Another Gay Movie which was so random and bizarre to me:

LOL BEN DOVER GET IT? ROFFLE X A BILLION

But I am of the belief that ASS Hatch is > Borneo Hatch just because Hatch had such a wonderful "fuck it, imma have fun! ^_^" attitude about it all, from his 2nd game to his boot to the reunion. But ASS Hatch cannot be mentioned without reliving Sue Hawk's complete and total bullshittery and affected meltdown. It was like Ghandia 2.0 but at least Ghandia had a fucking point.

Let's make something clear: Sue was Richard's #1 hag in Borneo and <3'd him. Richard is naked and fucks with Sue by trying to gross her out with his fat furry gay bod comprised of 60% Hostess snacks. Sue then freaks the fuck out that she was "violated" or molested and how could her husband ever love her again and other bullshit just to screw Burnett out of money because she knew there was no way in hell she was winning this shit.

Gays get comfortable with their gurlfriends. PERSONAL ANECDOTE: I was at this industry party one time and everyone was shitfaced. This girl I worked with (not the same company, mind) was loling with me and I went "May I ask you a personal question?" and she was like "SURE! ^_^" and I was like "May I motorboat you?" and she was like "LOL I LOVE IT!" and then I motorboated her in full view of dozens of industry types (and then she motorboated me back which is 100% less interesting because there's nothing to boat on a dude, y'know?) but I didn't realize this until the next day and then was all O_O.

I think of that moment when I think about Hatch/Sue and Sue flipping the fuck out that her gay friend fucked with her in an irreverent -- yet completely typical -- way. Ew. But Hatch kept on keeping on and was so ^_^ about it all afterward and even lol'd at Jerri Manthey's very public Reunion hissyfit, too. Hatch just keeps it real.

He's also a huge baller because he picked up an Argentinian like, at the hotel, and then they got married or w/e. That takes balls. Rock it out, R-Hatch. <3

NEXT UP:

#14 is coming up today!  ^_^

I'm just trying to figure out how to make animated gifs for the time being for some of the others.

Next CLUE: small stature, big HEART


EDIT: I also meant for that video to be the CI video but w/e :D