Probst, having failed to convince Burnett to have a re-vote, calls up some cronies and ambushes Sophie on the parking lot, post-reunion.
He forces her into an arm-wrestling contest, which Sophie - duh - wins.
Enough is enough thinks Probst.
He works himself into a man-sweat by repeatadly headbutting her, shouting "you female you" after every hit.
Sophie feigns defeat by editing herself out of the scene.
"One! Sole! Survivor!" Probst screams.
He takes a pic of his juicy armpit and texts it to Russel, adding "now that's what I call an man-pit send me one of yours omg i can't wait".
Probst takes off with Sophie's check, off to a bar with his cronies.
On the way, he calls Donaldson to meet them but it's past 10 pm so Donaldson's asleep.
He wants to call Westman but Westman doesn't do cellphones he's so manly.
Probst and his cronies park the car and walk towards the bar.
Out of the corner of his reptilian eye, Probst catches Ozzy, who is perched atop a lamppost milking his pigtails in rhythm to a chant of "plan A, plan B, plan A, plan B...".
Shwing!, thinks Probst, feeling a stifness in his torchsnuffer.
He walks up to Ozzy and says "Brother you & I are so in synch omg I was going to this bar and here you are let's have a man-celebration".
Probst, the cronies, and Ozzy make their entrance into the man-bar.
"Drinks are on me" Probst says, winking at Ozzy and showing him Sophie's check.
"Raaad Braaa" says Ozzy.
4 shots later, Probst jumps on the table and shouts "Survivors ready? No? Well Jerry Springer ain't got nothing on me. Am I right Ozzy? Did you feel me tonight brother?".
"Dude you were awesome" says Ozzy.
"So are you brother, so are you" Probst says
"Yeah" says Ozzy.
Probst, standing on the table, looking across the bar and into the mirror over the counter, sees his reflection, and feels a stifness in his torchsnuffer again.
Immediately, he thinks of Russel's armpit.
"Hand me my man-cell would you brother" Probst says to Ozzy.
"You got it, bra" says Ozzy, who fumbles in his man-pouch and hands him a grilled sea bass.
"Aha ahaha ahahaha", says Probst, "Ozzy, brother, you are one awesome dude".
"Yeah" says Ozzy.
Probst snaps his fingers and a cronie hands him his man-cell.
Fumbling with the dials, he checks his inbox.
"Omgomgomg I got a text from Russel!", Probst says, "Russel sent me a pic of his man-pit omgomg".
Probst shows Ozzy the pic and reads him the text which says "This is the armpit of Russel Hantz. It is the greatest armit in the whole world!".
Probst's torchsnuffer is now well stiff.
Ozzy and cronies exchange approving looks.
Intoxicated with the manliness of it all, Probst enters a trance.
"Ozzy", he says, "brother, can you feel it? 3 tribes! omg! One Hantz, mmh. Two Hantz, ooohhh. Three Hantz, aaaahhh. I'm jizzing in my pants...".
Ozzy lifts 2 fingers in the air and shouts "Jeff! Wins! Immunity!".
Suddenly, there is a dead silence in the bar.
The cronies look at Probst, fix Ozzy with man-stares, look at Probst, fix Ozzy...
A fly buzzes by.
Seconds tick on the clock.
Ice cubes melt in Ozzy's Pina Colada.
The cronies's man-necks tense up.
Still fixing Ozzy, who is obliviously playing an air-guitar solo to the tune of Santana's 'Soul Sacrifice', one cronie whispers to the other: "Did he just say that? No-one says that but the boss".
Probst snaps his fingers and comes down off the table.
"That's alright", he says, "This is Ozzy, he's awesome. Right, Ozzy?"
Ozzy opens his eyes and says "Hunh?".
"You're awesome, brother, awesome", Probst says.
"Yeah", says Ozzy.
t.b.c.
He forces her into an arm-wrestling contest, which Sophie - duh - wins.
Enough is enough thinks Probst.
He works himself into a man-sweat by repeatadly headbutting her, shouting "you female you" after every hit.
Sophie feigns defeat by editing herself out of the scene.
"One! Sole! Survivor!" Probst screams.
He takes a pic of his juicy armpit and texts it to Russel, adding "now that's what I call an man-pit send me one of yours omg i can't wait".
Probst takes off with Sophie's check, off to a bar with his cronies.
On the way, he calls Donaldson to meet them but it's past 10 pm so Donaldson's asleep.
He wants to call Westman but Westman doesn't do cellphones he's so manly.
Probst and his cronies park the car and walk towards the bar.
Out of the corner of his reptilian eye, Probst catches Ozzy, who is perched atop a lamppost milking his pigtails in rhythm to a chant of "plan A, plan B, plan A, plan B...".
Shwing!, thinks Probst, feeling a stifness in his torchsnuffer.
He walks up to Ozzy and says "Brother you & I are so in synch omg I was going to this bar and here you are let's have a man-celebration".
Probst, the cronies, and Ozzy make their entrance into the man-bar.
"Drinks are on me" Probst says, winking at Ozzy and showing him Sophie's check.
"Raaad Braaa" says Ozzy.
4 shots later, Probst jumps on the table and shouts "Survivors ready? No? Well Jerry Springer ain't got nothing on me. Am I right Ozzy? Did you feel me tonight brother?".
"Dude you were awesome" says Ozzy.
"So are you brother, so are you" Probst says
"Yeah" says Ozzy.
Probst, standing on the table, looking across the bar and into the mirror over the counter, sees his reflection, and feels a stifness in his torchsnuffer again.
Immediately, he thinks of Russel's armpit.
"Hand me my man-cell would you brother" Probst says to Ozzy.
"You got it, bra" says Ozzy, who fumbles in his man-pouch and hands him a grilled sea bass.
"Aha ahaha ahahaha", says Probst, "Ozzy, brother, you are one awesome dude".
"Yeah" says Ozzy.
Probst snaps his fingers and a cronie hands him his man-cell.
Fumbling with the dials, he checks his inbox.
"Omgomgomg I got a text from Russel!", Probst says, "Russel sent me a pic of his man-pit omgomg".
Probst shows Ozzy the pic and reads him the text which says "This is the armpit of Russel Hantz. It is the greatest armit in the whole world!".
Probst's torchsnuffer is now well stiff.
Ozzy and cronies exchange approving looks.
Intoxicated with the manliness of it all, Probst enters a trance.
"Ozzy", he says, "brother, can you feel it? 3 tribes! omg! One Hantz, mmh. Two Hantz, ooohhh. Three Hantz, aaaahhh. I'm jizzing in my pants...".
Ozzy lifts 2 fingers in the air and shouts "Jeff! Wins! Immunity!".
Suddenly, there is a dead silence in the bar.
The cronies look at Probst, fix Ozzy with man-stares, look at Probst, fix Ozzy...
A fly buzzes by.
Seconds tick on the clock.
Ice cubes melt in Ozzy's Pina Colada.
The cronies's man-necks tense up.
Still fixing Ozzy, who is obliviously playing an air-guitar solo to the tune of Santana's 'Soul Sacrifice', one cronie whispers to the other: "Did he just say that? No-one says that but the boss".
Probst snaps his fingers and comes down off the table.
"That's alright", he says, "This is Ozzy, he's awesome. Right, Ozzy?"
Ozzy opens his eyes and says "Hunh?".
"You're awesome, brother, awesome", Probst says.
"Yeah", says Ozzy.
t.b.c.
