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Well, NOW it really feels like Christmas!


Spitting, handjobs, blowjobs, puss-cramming and even old Gammy TRho discussing the good old days when she did things with penises. A cup of warm, mulled cider and I could sit by the fire for hours and listen to Gammy talk about when her pussy would lubricate ALL BY ITSELF.



Anyway, not surprised there are some spit-prudes here.

But listen, in some cases you are justified. It's GOTTA BE THE PERFECT KIND OF SPIT.

That being, a loose spray, NO FOAM, NO THICK MUCOUS.

Some of the more malnourished porn actors and actresses -- the poor things -- have low-quality saliva. This can result in an on-screen embarrassing moment when that gloppy mess comes to rest on a quivering vagina or twitching, pink butthole. It will lay there like a dying garden slug until the actor takes notice and wipes it as if that was the intent. "Hey, I MEANT that. No worries. Let me just massage my slime into your gaping cooter. There, now you're all nice and wet."



As a student of heterosexual porn -- I put myself through it FOR SCIENCE -- I am always distressed when the dumb bitch who has NO CLUE HOW TO SUCK DICK spits all over it and then, as I think Powers suggested, start jacking it because she's clearly too tired and unskilled to suck it HANDS FREE AND DEEP.

(Hands free and deep is what men want, by the way.)

Also unacceptable: long, dangling, shimmering strands of thick saliva hanging from the base of a penis or a guy's testicles, almost always never noticed -- swaying back and forth for a good three minutes before the tensile strength of the lengthening saliva string finally gives out to the laws of physics and snaps apart. The viewer always breathes a sigh of relief. Such a distraction.


Gay porn... the GOOD gay porn, the kind I watch, with ACTUAL MEN, twink-free -- more often than not the spitting is crafted with tender, loving care and performed by salivary artistes who have spent countless hours honing their craft. This spit in question is generally of high quality: hydration is key. Still, mistakes can happen and this is when the film editor should make a judgment call yet often fails to do so.

I HAVE indeed seen phlegm gobs smeared into hairy assholes prior to penetration and THIS IS NOT GOOD, this is when I fast forward.

Finally, face-spitting is another issue entirely. Porn or real life, it STILL has to be a gentle spray. It's GOOD for a squirming submissive to have his face spit on by daddy bear. It's VERY good; teaches them what they need to get through life.


Perhaps we can revisit the trend of gaping asshole close-ups for Easter.

Rocco here is going to escort you out.