Hi Crystal Nephtyse. You asked me to read your fanfic, and I did, so I would now like to leave you with a few suggestions for improvement. Please consider anything I say as constructive criticis - not as anything negative just to be negative. But, of course, feel free to dismiss anything I said. As long as you are enjoying the story that you're writing, then that is the most important thing:

1) After reading the episodes, I truly don't know if this is supposed to be a serious fanfic or somewhat of a parody, which a lot of people have posted here over the years. If it is a serious attempt and you want people to devote their time to read it, the first thing you have to do is spell each of the characters' names right (ie. Lesley = Leslie, Erick = Erik), and you have to make sure that each person is in character for the most part. So much of your story seemed to be revolving around Ashley, Dolly, and Stacy and not one of them is even remotely close to being what they are realy like, in my opinion. Don't try to make an over-the-top or outrageous story just because it might be more interesting. For example, Leslie's character was so not like her at all that I felt bad for the real person, Leslie, because it really misrepresents her.

2) I appreciate the flattery of you referring to my Belize fanfic, but again, if you're really trying to write a realistic fanfic that would have never happened. But if you ARE going to refer to something, you should have a good reason for it. A lot of the references didn't really make sense to me or weren't even necessary. It seems (although I could be wrong) that you're just writing episodes to get them done and you don't have an idea of where the story is going. I would encourage you to plan out as much as you can in advance so that you know what you're going to include in each episode. I can't stress how important this is.

3) The language doesn't really help the content of the story either. I doubt that Stacy, Ashley, Dolly, etc. would be talking like that constantly.

Overall, I think you have A LOT of improvements that you can make. Don't rush to post episodes, if you are. Take some extra time to plan out what you want to happen, make sure the story has a clear direction and that all of the names are spelled right, and then focus on filling in the minor parts of the story.

Those are the suggestions I would make. Again, as long as you're enjoying the story, feel free to take it or leave it but please know that I am only trying to help improve your work. Good luck!

- guatemala fanfic