The Onion Alliance
9/25/08-12/4/08

image

GABON, Africa - Dr. Esquire The Onion Alliance M.D. J.D. PhD., a.k.a "Onyi", "Funyon", "Doc", and "Cool Club", was brutally slaughtered on Thursday, December 4th, 2008 in what was considered the most upsetting and unfair thing to ever happen in the history of the world. Ever. Born on September 25, 2008 in Gabon, the Onion was very active in its community - telling everyone else what to do, excluding people, being more deserving than you, and above all throwing away immunity idols. Either way, they were collectively way more important than you could ever aspire to be.

The Onion attended only the best and most gifted schools and universities, because after all, it was better than you are. It graduated summa cum laude from all these schools in record time, set every school record in every sport, and was president of every class, sorority, fraternity, and ethnic organization as well.

The Onion was predeceased by the 4 Horsemen, the Rotu 4, and the Guatemala Axis of Evil. The Onion is survived by his sister, The Carrot, his brother, The Radish, and his girlfriend, The Garlic. Randy and Eliza were especially close friends as well.

Memorial donations may be made by texting Sugar or Sekou repeatedly to win America's player award at the Survivor: Gabon finale.