EPISODE 3
Jeff Probst: Forteen remain! Who will go home today on Survivor: Tocantins?
(The camera shows some toucans flying. The camera pans to Jalapao camp, where JT is shown lying down in the thickets, with a blanket of sticks on him.)
JT Confessional: Yestahday, I got votes. Sandy left, so that's okay. But Joe and Stephen musta have voted for me. They know I'm a cattle rancher. And I could never make friends with city people, like Stephen or Joe. I still can't move. If I call medical, they'll keep me in. I have to win fan favorite still. Hopefully Brendan and Taj will throw the game for me.
Sydney: Hey JT, do you mind if I call you Tubby McJunkins from now on?
JT: I'm paralyzed, that's not exactly tac-
Sydney: Okay Tubby, have fun in the shade!
(Jalapao is seen struggling to cook watermelon without being provided a stick. They are attempting to cook it on a stick, to no avail.)
Carolina: Spencer, how the hell do you get this to cook? It always dries up for me.
Spencer: Carolina, want an alliance? I'm a superfan. And you're possibly one.
Carolina: You're an insensitive asshole. Do you really not know me?
Spencer: Strangely, we're like nine days in and I still know very little about you.
(Timbira is shown trying to pile their watermelons efficiently, but their small pile falls after a jenga style formation fails.)
Debbie: Does anybody have any experience stacking watermelons? I'm an educator, not a lunch lady.
Erinn: Oh my god, me and my friends love stacking watermelons all the time! Sometimes we google stacked watermelons.
Candace: Bitch, are you for real?
Erinn: I love reality, me and my friends talk about reali-
Candace: Get the hell out of my alliance.
Tyson: ...you have an alliance?
Debbie Confessional: So today, Erinn spazzed out and then Candace spazzed out and now Tyson knows I'm in an alliance with Candace and Erinn. He'll tell Brendan and Sierra, and they'll realize I'm in an alliance, and I'm in an alliance with Brendan, so he'll think me untrustworthy. I am an educator so trust is important to me.
Tyson: So Sierra... I know noone likes you, and you're a skank, and an annoying retard, but I need allies.
Sierra: I made the tribe a shelter! How can they not like me?
Tyson: My right nipple has more personality than you. And you have a pugface.
Sierra: =(
(Brendan walks into the jungle clearing at this point)
Brendan: I like you lots Sierra. You're an intergral part of our tribe.
Sierra: Brendan, you're so nice to me... I'm falling for you.
Brendan: Shut the hell up.
Brendan Confessional: Sierra thinks I am accepting of her. I am rich, so I can lie and make her feel any which way I want. When I get back from this game, I will use my massive wealth to start genocide on whatever her race is.
(The camera pans back to Jalapao, who is reading treemail)
Stephen: I will read, for I am educated.
Can you sing, keep the beat?
Press the pedal with your feet?
Fingers up and down the neck,
Sensually massaging every fret?
Spencer Confessional: It's friggin' Rock Band. As the youngest contestant ever, I would know this. However, I am keeping this information to myself. Secrets are necessary for victory.
Taj: Could it be gift certificates?
Joe: Taj, you're second rate intelligent.
Sydney: What about me, Joe?
Joe: I have a boner.
Sydney: Not now, Joe. Does anybody know what this means?
Stephen: Maybe we're doing the theme song for Survivor: Samoa?
Taj: Why are we making themes for imaginary seasons?
Joe: Taj, how much longer do I have to wait to meet Eddie George? Your moronic talk of imaginary things is making me think it's not worth it.
Taj: I didn't even bring it up!
Sydney: Shut your piehole, Taj.
REWARD/IMMUNITY #3 ~ BEST BAND BATTLE
Jeff Probst: Come on in guys!
(The Survivors enter)
Jeff Probst: Today, each tribe will send out four members to play a song as a band on Rock Band 2. The drums, guitar, bass guitar, and vocals will be scored into a cumulative point total. The higher tribe point total will win the reward pertaining to the song. Noone can sit more than twice. First to two songs wins. Do you guys wanna know what you're playing for?
Sydney: Yes!
(Sydney nods and smiles)
Jeff Probst: Along with the song Gimme Shelter, a tarp. Along with the song Inside the Fire, flint. And along side The Hand That Feeds, a bucket of fried oyster skins. Any questions?
Taj: But both tribes already have flint!
Jeff Probst: If you say another word to me, I'm kicking you out of the game. No more questions? Then we'll start.
(The song Gimme Shelter is the first song. Timbira sends out Tyson to sing, Candace to play the drums, Jerry to play the bass guitar, and Brendan to play the guitar. Jalapao sends out Stephen to sing, Carolina to drum, Taj to bass play guitar, and Joe to play guitar. However, Stephen forgot he only listens to indie music, and Timbira wins first point and the tarp. The second song is Inside the Fire. For Timbira, Erinn sings, Debbie plays the drums, Sierra plays bass, and Jerry plays guitar. For Jalapao, Taj sings, JT drums even though he has no motor function in his legs, Spencer plays guitar, and Joe plays bass. Jalapao wins by FCing the entire song on every instrument, and they win the flint. For the final song, Timbira sends out their first round group; Jalapao sends out their first group, but replaces Stephen with Taj. It is dead even until Taj accidently pauses, and on the restart Jalapao misses notes and loses the challenge. Timbira takes home the immunity idol and the fried oyster skins.)
Spencer Confessional: My strategy worked perfectly, I am now a swing vote. Swing votes control the game.
(The camera pans to a hyena running on the plane, then pans out to Spencer, JT, Sydney, and Carolina sitting in the hut.)
Spencer: So you see, Taj almost got kicked out of the game, and she paused it halfway through. She has to go. I am a Survivor superfan, I know this.
JT: But Taj didn't vote for me last time. Joe and Stephen did. To target Taj gives those two another vote.
Spencer: Taj has to go. You know you hate black people JT.
Carolina: Mexicans have to fight with them for jobs.
Sydney: Sometimes I have to model with Candace in 'diversity shots'.
Spencer: C'mon...
JT: Well, I do hate black people, being from the Ol' South and all. But Joe has to go after.
(Spencer and Taj are walking down the riverside to the bathing area)
Spencer: JT's crippled. You know he has to go.
Taj: Well, still. At least I have the Hidden Immunity Idol if I need.
Spencer: Wait, what?
Taj: I found it in treemail. Do you have pockets? You should hold it for safekeeping.
Spencer: Great thinking.
Spencer Confessional: As a Survivor superfan, I know to never let go of the Idol. If I vote out Taj, I can keep the idol.
(Timbira is places their new tarp on their shelter just before designated sleep time. Timbira is gathering to sleep soon.)
Brendan: Hey Sierra, if you sleep on the ground, I'll give you my share of the oysters.
Sierra: Um... okay.
(Sierra slides to the dirt below.)
Brendan: I lied, I already ate them.
Sierra: What? Let me back up.
Tyson: Hell no, everybody, stretch out.
(Timbira stretches out)
Tyson Confessional: I am so glad Brendan and I are in an alliance together. We compliment each other's strengths well... not in a homosexual way though, that's for sure. Hopefully we'll be good at Survivor, too.
TRIBAL COUNCIL #3
Jeff Probst: Hi guys, excited to see me?
Sydney: Hi, Jeff!
Taj: ...
Jeff Probst: Guys, you lost the challenge. How does that make you feel?
Stephen: I thought the song was Maps. I guess I was wrong.
JT: I don't have functioning limbs, and I did bettah than you, asshat.
Jeff Probst: Does anyone feel like they're in danger?
Joe: I do.
Stephen: I do.
JT: I don have functioning limbs, so by virtue ah that, I does.
Taj: ...
Sydney: All the guys like me.
Jeff Probst: And with that, we vote.
(Survivors vote)
Jeff Probst: I'll tally the votes.
Taj
Taj
JT
JT
Sydney
Joe
Joe
And the third elimination of Survivor Tocantins:
Joe
Jeff Probst: Joe, please bring up your torch. The tribe has spoken.
(Jeff snuffs torch)
Jeff Probst: And with that, we are down to thirteen contestants on Survivor: Tocantins!
Joe's final words: Where the hell did those Taj votes come from? I voted for Sydney because I can't control my lust around her.
