EPISODE 4
Jeff Probst: Survivor Tocantins! Thirteen remain! What will happen next? Find out now!
(Jalapao tribe is walking back from Tribal Council, sans JT, who is being helicoptered due to his paralysis. The Jalapaos arrive at camp).
Carolina: JT, you don't do your share of the work ever! And why should you get a ride back to camp when we all walk?
JT: Maybe because I'm paralyzed from the hips down? Why are you so retarded?
Spencer: Yeah, why are you so stupid?
Carolina: I have breasts! Why don't you listen to what I say?!
Taj: I'll listen to you Carolina... mmmm, your breasts remind me of cantaloupe. I love cantal-
Carolina: I get it, fatass!
Carolina Confessional: I hate my tribe. I'd love to be swapped to the other tribe in a tribal swap. I only pretend cordiality out of my need for money to pay my bills. I had my entire body lasered before coming on the show.
(Timbira is all asleep, except for Brendan. The fire is still going.)
Brendan Confessional: All of my tribe is asleep. Now is my time to strike.
(Brendan is seen moving rapidly around the camp is a fastforwarded scene. Brendan is shown going to bed, and Timbira begins to awaken.)
Candace: Oh my god, guys wake up!
(Timbiras get out of their shelter.)
Debbie: Candace, what is it?
Candace: My socks are gone! They've been replaced with granola!
Erinn: Don't worry Candace, I'm good at solving puzzles. Let me drink some water and then I'll solve this.
(Erinn proceeds to open her canteen and drink, but gets a faceful of granola instead.)
Erinn: My canteen! It's been replaced with granola!
Jerry: When I was in the war, we ate nothing but dirt and sand. This is good for our health.
Tyson: If I knew who did this, I would love them so much.
Brendan: It wasn't me.
Brendan Confessional: I lied. It was me. I am rich so I can do that. However, philanthropy is for girly millionaires. This was supposed to be crushingly demoralizing! What did I do wrong?
Debbie Confessional: I discovered I love all of my tribemates when we found Granola. Except Brendan- he mysteriously disappeared during our bonding time. I have to be careful with my alliances.
Brendan: Candace, I have to tell you something.
Candace: What is it, Brendan?
Brendan: Clearly, Jerry gave everyone the granola. That means he is a jury threat. We need to vote him off.
Candace: I'm black. Do I look like a blood traitor?
Brendan: Yes.
Brendan Confessional: I do not believe Candace is a blood traitor, nor did Jerry give everyone the granola. I lied. With this lie, I have become the biggest Survivor villain ever. Screw the truth, I have money.
(Stephen and Sydney pick up treemail)
Sydney: Stephen, if the others don't know what the challenge is, we can prepare and look extra good at the challenge.
Stephen: I'm always prepared. As a studious New York jew, I always prepare my work in triplicate. Also, I prepare copies in English, Latin, and Yiddish.
Sydney: I'm so lost you wouldn't even know. You're going to read this treemail, and tell me what it means, in one-syllable words.
Stephen: OK.
Hungry as you may be
Would you eat native food?
You're so very hungry
We know you would
Sydney: What does it mean?
Stephen: We need to have sex now. One way to win.
Sydney: Only if we can roleplay Gilligan and Mary Ann. That's the only way. It's for the challenge.
(The camera pans away as the sound of slurping is heard.)
REWARD/IMMUNITY #4- What would you do? (feat. Marc Summers)
Jeff Probst: Come on in guys!
(Timbira and Jalapao walk in)
Jeff Probst: Today, each tribe will select a member of their tribe to come up to this pedestal. On the count of three, you will be allowed to remove the covers off of your plate. You will each race to finish a delicacy local to the Tocantins region. Whoever finishes first will get a point. First tribe to 3 wins. Timbira, you will sit out two members; Jalapao, you will sit out one member. Please discuss this now.
Erinn: I love foreign food! I google foreign foods all the time! Sometimes me and my friends take foreign food and place it in-
Tyson: Erinn, you're a skinny slut. Sit down, you're not competing.
Sierra: Can I sit out too?
Tyson: Sierra, you're fat, so you get to compete.
Jerry: My stomach hurts from eating raw watermelon, so I will sit out.
Taj: I will be great at this!
JT: Yes, you will. We'll have Sydney sit instead.
Sydney: Okay.
(Sydney smiles and nods)
Jeff Probst: Timbira, who is sitting?
Candace: Jerry and Erinn.
Jeff Probst: Jalapao, who is sitting for your tribe?
Taj: Sydney.
Jeff Probst: Out of the challenge! I told you never to speak to me again!
Taj: But...
Jeff Probst: That's another word! You're out of here! Get the fuck out!
(Four cameramen hold Taj down while a fifth injects Horse Tranquilizer into Taj. The five initially struggle but finally drag Taj off the set.)
Jeff Probst: Jalapao, you will be receiving an alternate player.
Eddie George: Hey guys, happy to be here!
Stephen Confessional: Eddie who?
Carolina Confessional: As a Hispanic, I watch soccer, not football.
Jeff Probst: We will proceed with the challenge.
(In the first round, Tyson is sent out against Carolina. The two pull of their covers to reveal BBQ'd shruken heads filled with crab meat and andouille sausage. Carolina refuses to touch it because of her Roman Catholic beliefs, but when Tyson takes a bite, he wolfs it down, describing it as having 'unparalleled delicious flavor'. Timbira gains a point. In the second round, Eddie George faces off against Sierra. The good is revealed to be two razor blades. Sierra has her first good challenge performance, beating Eddie by a second. In the third round, Spencer faces off against Brendan. The two remove their covers to reveal the Casa del Charmain. The two battle it out, but Brendan chokes on the third roll of toilet paper, which Spencer uses to create a lead he never relinquishes. In the fourth round, Candace faces off against JT. The two remove their covers to reveal a Pomeranian. JT, being from the South, finishes his Pomeranian quickly. Tied going into the finally round, Stephen faces off against Debbie. The two remove their covers to reveal four pounds of vanilla pudding. Debbie quickly falls behind, but Stephen, having ate earlier, gets a stomach ache. Debbie comes from behind to give Timbira the victory.)
Jeff Probst: Timbira, would you like to know what you've won alongside immunity?
Debbie: That would be delightful, Jeff.
Jeff Probst: Come on out, Marc!
(Marc Summers walks out.)
Marc Summers: ROAR!
Jeff Probst: Marc Summers will accompany you to your tribe and teach you how to survive in the wilderness.
Erinn Confessional: Who IS this jackass?
Candace Confessional: We could have won food and we got Marc Summers? Candace is hungry. When Candace is unhappy, everything BURNS. At least we won immunity.
Jeff Probst: Head back to your camps!
Spencer Confessional: Being from Florida, I am a Jaguars fan. I will have to target Eddie for all those games as a Titan.
Carolina Confessional: We finally got a stud on our tribe. I will have to use him to capitalize on my anger towards JT and Spencer, now that Taj is gone.
(Timbira camp is walking back with Marc Summers)
Debbie: So Marc, having five kids, I know who you are.
Marc Summers: It's great to be famous worldwide. Hey, I'm horny, and we're similar in age. Wanna have sex?
Debbie: No, absolutely not you weird-looking pervert!
Marc Summers: There go my dreams.
Tyson: How can you possibly contribute to this tribe?
Brendan: I'll give you $100 to hit Sierra with a cream pie.
Marc Summers: Deal.
(Marc Summers and two men in red jumpsuits hold Sierra down and strap them into the Pie Wash. Sierra is attempting to fight, but is subdued, and the pie starts flying)
Sierra: I don't even like pie when it's vanilla! The darker it is, the bett-
(Sierra gets a bunch of creme stuck into her mouth, and chokes.)
Sierra: Let me out! I'm a model!
Candace: No. I'm in a bad mood.
(Sierra continues to get pie'd. The camera pans to Jalapao camp).
Spencer: So, JT, we need to boot Eddie George. He's too big of a threat, and he's a wild card. He could vote with anyone. As a Survivor superfan, I know to never let floaters survive.
JT: But Stephen is next in line. He voted for me once.
Spencer: Just do it. You can hold a grudge for ten eliminations and then vote him out at the final six.
JT: Okay.
Carolina: Eddie George! I'm a big fan of you when you tackle people!
Eddie: I'm a running back.
Carolina: Is that like a midfielder or a wing?
Eddie: You're ignorant.
Carolina: Vote for either JT or Spencer. Who do you want gone?
Eddie: When did I say I'd vote with you?
Carolina: Great, Spencer it is. We need JT's challenge strength.
Eddie Confessional: I guess I'm voting for Spencer. I'm only on this show because I got an email asking if any NFL players wanted to be on the show. I don't even know how this works.
Spencer: You need to vote out Eddie, guys. A Survivor superfan can't not make the merge. Right?
Stephen: I agree. As a Survivor fan, I believe you.
Sydney: I'm not a Survivor fan at all, but I guess I believe you.
Carolina: You need to vote out Spencer, guys. An NFL running back can't not make the merge. Right?
Sydney: I agree. As an NFL fan, I believe you.
Stephen: I'm not an NFL fan at all, but I guess I believe you.
TRIBAL COUNCIL #4
Jeff Probst: Guys, what's it like to have a new member?
JT: There's more food for everyone.
Stephen: There's room on the bed for everyone.
Sydney: Everyone's demeanor is improved drastically.
Jeff Probst: Good to hear. Anyone feel in danger?
Spencer: As a Survivor superfan, I'd know if I were in danger.
Sydney: My flirting strategy is working.
Jeff Probst: Alright time to vote.
(Jalapao votes)
Jeff Probst: I'll count the votes.
Eddie
Spencer
Stephen
Stephen
Spencer
Eddie
Fourth person eliminated from Survivor: Tocantins
Spencer
Please pack up your knifes and go.
Spencer: I can't believe this. I'll just find another way to a million dollars.
Jeff Probst: Another vote, another surprise. Go back to camp, Jalapao.
Spencer's final words: I lost. I'll never know if concealing my sexuality was a mistake.
Note: Taj's final words are unavailable.
