W.ither the old thread. Some of my best material was there.
But it's 2005 and as we suffer through another yawnfest ANTM, I see that Rudolph is on CBS.
Let's revisit our gripes about this amazing classic.
1. Santa is a dick.
Santa the benelovent. Santa the kind. Santa the great. Santa the dick mocks Rudolph for having a red nose. Prejudice much, fat man? Is this a representation that Christmas is only for those without defects? Then the rest of Christmastown joins in. So basically, you're a minority, you can't join in any reindeer games. OK then.
Then, after basically opening the door for Rudolph's departure from Christmastown, who does he come crawling back to Rudolph when a little snowstorm hits. Rudolph should have told Santa to "Kiss his furry brown ass, douche bag - me and the babe have a fifth of Tequila and we're flying to Tahiti."
Oh, if Santa is so great, then why does he continuously diss and ignore the Misfit Toys?
2. Quality Control in Christmastown
Seguing here, we have the Misfit Toys. An elephant with spots. A train with square wheels. A dolly....what is wrong with her? (More later). A Charlie in the Box. What do they all have in common? All are toys...and where are toys made? At Christmastown. Who the hell is running quality control up there?
3. Real Generous, You Flying Lion
The gang reaches the Island of Misfit Toys. They've been riding through the fucking North Pole. It's cold there. It's windy there. Again, people, it's the NORTH POLE. They reach the Island of Misfit Toys. The leader lets them stay for all of....one night. Thanks, asshole.
4. Beastiality and Homosexuality
At the Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph, Hermie and Yukon Cornelius all sleep in the same bed. Then, later, Rudolph leaves. But I don't see Yukon or Hermie missing him that much, do you?
5. Women's Rights
Now comes the Bumble. The big fight. But who saves the day? It's Rudolph's Mom and Clarisse. Oh, but then Sam the Snowman says "get the womenfolk back to Christmastown." Sure...after saving their asses, the men decide that the women need to get the hell out. Nice.
6. Lacking the Cardiologists Seal of Approval
Santa goes on an eating binge to get all fat within a week? How 'bout dem arteries, jolly man? This just in....Santa Has Quadruple By-Pass Surgery!
7. More Beastiality
Yukon Cornelius, fresh from doing a Reindeer and an Elf, turns his sights to a giant abominable snowman. I think we know what he's after there, huh. Was it me or did Yukon walk a little bowlegged when he appeared back at the Castle?
8. Let's Hide the Mental Illness
What was really wrong with the Dolly named Sue? According to articles that people posted here last year and in 2003, it's suspected that she suffers from depression. Of course, we don't hear this - they just push mental illness under the table, hoping that we ignore it.
9. Sam the Snowman
Nothing here, except if any of you really want to see a classic cartoon, find the Robert Smigel SNL Christmas Cartoon from 2001. Parody of Rudolph. Enough said.
OK, gotta run....Tyra is eliminating our next model.
But it's 2005 and as we suffer through another yawnfest ANTM, I see that Rudolph is on CBS.
Let's revisit our gripes about this amazing classic.
1. Santa is a dick.
Santa the benelovent. Santa the kind. Santa the great. Santa the dick mocks Rudolph for having a red nose. Prejudice much, fat man? Is this a representation that Christmas is only for those without defects? Then the rest of Christmastown joins in. So basically, you're a minority, you can't join in any reindeer games. OK then.
Then, after basically opening the door for Rudolph's departure from Christmastown, who does he come crawling back to Rudolph when a little snowstorm hits. Rudolph should have told Santa to "Kiss his furry brown ass, douche bag - me and the babe have a fifth of Tequila and we're flying to Tahiti."
Oh, if Santa is so great, then why does he continuously diss and ignore the Misfit Toys?
2. Quality Control in Christmastown
Seguing here, we have the Misfit Toys. An elephant with spots. A train with square wheels. A dolly....what is wrong with her? (More later). A Charlie in the Box. What do they all have in common? All are toys...and where are toys made? At Christmastown. Who the hell is running quality control up there?
3. Real Generous, You Flying Lion
The gang reaches the Island of Misfit Toys. They've been riding through the fucking North Pole. It's cold there. It's windy there. Again, people, it's the NORTH POLE. They reach the Island of Misfit Toys. The leader lets them stay for all of....one night. Thanks, asshole.
4. Beastiality and Homosexuality
At the Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph, Hermie and Yukon Cornelius all sleep in the same bed. Then, later, Rudolph leaves. But I don't see Yukon or Hermie missing him that much, do you?
5. Women's Rights
Now comes the Bumble. The big fight. But who saves the day? It's Rudolph's Mom and Clarisse. Oh, but then Sam the Snowman says "get the womenfolk back to Christmastown." Sure...after saving their asses, the men decide that the women need to get the hell out. Nice.
6. Lacking the Cardiologists Seal of Approval
Santa goes on an eating binge to get all fat within a week? How 'bout dem arteries, jolly man? This just in....Santa Has Quadruple By-Pass Surgery!
7. More Beastiality
Yukon Cornelius, fresh from doing a Reindeer and an Elf, turns his sights to a giant abominable snowman. I think we know what he's after there, huh. Was it me or did Yukon walk a little bowlegged when he appeared back at the Castle?
8. Let's Hide the Mental Illness
What was really wrong with the Dolly named Sue? According to articles that people posted here last year and in 2003, it's suspected that she suffers from depression. Of course, we don't hear this - they just push mental illness under the table, hoping that we ignore it.
9. Sam the Snowman
Nothing here, except if any of you really want to see a classic cartoon, find the Robert Smigel SNL Christmas Cartoon from 2001. Parody of Rudolph. Enough said.
OK, gotta run....Tyra is eliminating our next model.
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