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Here's episode 3 everyone! Enjoy!

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Previous Episodes:

Episode 01 - The Breast Is Yet To Come
Episode 02 - Can You Feel The Ox-Citement?

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EPISODE 3 – “LYSDEXIA BOREALIS”


IARA TRIBE




CAIPORA TRIBE

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DAY 7

IARA CAMP

        "We are so screwed.”

        Jim, Janelle and Kathy sat by the fire on the morning of the seventh day, barely opening their mouths to say anything.
        The previous night April had caused enough confusion that, in the end, Charla ended up leaving the game. Their once 5-strong alliance had quickly dwindled down to just three people against a strong group of four and a loner who refused to side with them.
        “God, this sucks so bad,” Janelle mumbled to the other two, “We’re screwed. They’re gonna vote us off one by one.”
        They didn’t have a clear plan. Being in the minority so early was clearly not in their plans, and thus the three attempted to devise a plan to save themselves.

        KATHY: The idea right now is…actually, we don’t really have an idea. The best thing I can think of right now is to have Jim sleep with all those girls in exchange for their vote, but God knows even I wouldn’t submit myself to that much torture.

        “What if we try to convince them to get rid of April,” Janelle suggested, “I mean, look how quickly she turned against us. What makes them think she won’t do it to them?”
        “She just aggravates me to no end,” Kathy complained, “Ah swear, y’all, if ah see her pick her nose one more time ah will personally plug it with that tail of hers.”
        “Girls, calm down,” Jim said, “We’ll get them in due time. We’re a tight group, we’ll figure something out.”

        But that wasn’t true. Since he knew perfectly well that if Iara lost the next immunity challenge either himself, Janelle or Kathy would go home, he began lobbying for the majority alliance to send home one of the other two.
        “You know,” he told Juanita as they collected firewood that morning, “You’re quite a beautiful girl. You’re very beautiful, you’re talented, you’re smart and you’re eloquent. But all these talents you have are being obfuscated by Janelle.”
        “What dat means?” Juanita asked.
        “Obfuscated?” Jim asked, “It means you look bad in comparison.”
        “Aw, dang,” Juanita said, “Dat ho! Why she be doin’ dat?”
        “I don’t know,” Jim replied, “But the longer you keep her here, the less beautiful you’re gonna look.”
        “Aw, shit,” Juanita complained, “Dat be low.”

        Jim’s plan was to get Juanita to convince Omarosa, Julie and Mama Weaver to vote against Janelle (April didn’t need convincing.). If it worked, he would try the same thing with Kathy as a target and try to win as many immunities in between the two votes so that Iara would actually need him when the merge came.

        JIM: If I play my cards right Janelle, Kathy and Omarosa will all be voted off before me, which serves them right for trusting April in the first place. They need to understand that I came here to win, and no matter what happens I AIN’T GOING NOWHERE!

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DAY 7

CAIPORA CAMP

        Rupert and Marcellas had now become close friends. Dewberry’s departure still weighed heavily on Rupert’s mind, but the addition of Marcellas to his very short list of friends cheered him up a bit.
        Marcellas didn’t like Rupert at first. His grizzly beard and mopey sore loser attitude had actually gotten a very negative response from Marcellas back on Day One.         Now, however, things were different. They were the clear outsiders of Caipora, and thus stuck together.

        MARCELLAS: Rupert and I have built, really, this amazing friendship. We’re inseparable. I mean, I know he has many things to work on and he's not quite up to my usual friendship standards, but I’m gonna help him with that.

        To both Marcellas and Rupert, being friends meant not being completely miserable, which they both saw as a better alternative than suffering at the hands of the Monarchy.
        Stephenie, Colin and Scott seemed to take joy in insulting Marcellas and Rupert loudly and obnoxiously, with no apparent regard for their feelings. This was typical Monarchy behavior, and in their minds they were doing nothing wrong.
        Alan, however, didn’t seem to enjoy the cruelty too much. He often kept quiet while the other three (and occasionally Sam) bothered Marcellas and Rupert.

        ALAN: To be honest, I don’t really like it when my team makes fun of Marcellas and Rupert, because even though I’ve never been made fun of in my entire life I can symp….sympa…..what’s the word again? When you feel sorry and can relate to someone?

        He knew, however, that expressing his disgust to his alliance would automatically move him down the team hierarchy, so he kept to himself.

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IARA CAMP

        “Praise the Lord,” Mama Weaver shouted, “We got Tree Mail!”
        “Castaways,” said Julie Chen, “The reward is up for grabs. Iara, as outgoing losing tribe, you are still eligible to compete.”
        “How do we turn her off?” Omarosa barked.
        “Y’all, just read the damn thing!” April said.

Build a signal on your beach to be seen by a plane
You can use anything EXCEPT for a flame
Be creative, be bold, make your sign clearly seen
And tonight after dawn you’ll eat gyros and smell clean

“AAAAH,” Janelle shouted, “Shampoo! Yes!”
“Dang,” said Juanita, “Ah cain’t use dat! Dis be a weave!”

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CAIPORA CAMP

        “So, we have to build a signal,” said Alan, “Well, let’s get to it.”
        “It says we can’t use any flame,” Stephenie said, “Sorry, Marcellas, you have to sit out.”
        “Don’t let them destroy your dreams,” Rupert said to Marcellas.

        Since his help obviously wasn’t wanted, Marcellas quietly resigned to a broken log on the ground and refused to participate in the challenge.

        “Ok, so here’s what you’re each gonna do,” Stephenie said, “Alan, Colin, FaFu, go get us some wood. Sam, go in a corner and get the hell out of my way. Clay…um…keep us entertained.”
        “Got it, princess,” Clay said, “Every kiss is a kiss you can never get back….Lift me uuuuuuuup!”
        A couple of Claymates who were spying on him with binoculars from atop a nearby tree fainted and had to be removed by the medical team.

        “Uh, Miss Stephenie,” said Rupert, “What do I do?”
        Stephenie looked truly disgusted, as if she’d rather eat maggots than have someone this lowly address her by name.
        “I dunno,” she said, “You’re bright, think of something.”
        “Ok,” Rupert said.
        And he began digging a giant hole in the ground.

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IARA CAMP

        “So, guys,” said Mama Weaver, “How are we gonna do this? Any ideas?”
        “Ah say we make it personal and fun,” said April, “We can each add a little piece that reflects our personality.”
        “Well, then, I can’t partake,” said Julie Chen, “How will my sitting out affect the tribe?”

        JANELLE: The Reward challenge was hard because we couldn’t use fire, so we had to come up with a clever design or something to make sure we won.

        “Why don’t we just state the obvious,” Kathy suggested, “IARA WANTS GYRO, big huge letters, we dance around it, act like dumbasses, we win, hooray, gyros for lunch, we guest star in My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, everyone’s happy.”

        Nobody objected, so the plan stuck.

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CAIPORA CAMP

        “Are you sure this will work?” Stephenie asked.
        “Positive,” Sam replied, “I know about advertising. Just trust me, ok?”
        “Eh,” said Stephenie, “I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.”

        Sam’s plan was simple: Get Scott completely naked, let him burn in the sun all day, and flash his burning red body when the plane flew by.
        “We can even have him spit out water like those angel fountains!”
        “I don’t wanna see his fat ass naked,” said Stephenie.
        “I don’t wanna get naked, yo,” said Scott.
        “Shut the fuck up you fat bastard,” said Colin.
        “All right,” said Stephenie, “Anybody got a better idea?”
        Rupert raised his hand, sweating buckets from digging his hole.
        “No one, then,” said Stephenie, “All right then, we’re going with naked FaFu. Scott, take your clothes off.”
        “Now, wait a minute, yo.”
        “Alan,” Stephenie said, “Get him naked.”
        “What, by force?”
        “Alan, yo, we’re bruthas!”
        “DO IT.”
        It was a command from Queen Stephenie. He had to obey.

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IARA CAMP

        “Oh mah gawsh, y’all,” April screamed, “That looks so good!”
        “It’s just a pile of wood,” said Omarosa.

        The team’s plan was to build a giant circle and spell the words “IARA WANTS GYRO” inside it with branches and small logs.
        Doing so was no small feat, however. The final circle was so big that Juanita ended up having to climb a tree and tell her team exactly where to place certain logs so that the words would actually look like words. It was impossible to tell from the ground if the logs were in the correct place.
        “How you spell gyro?” Juanita shouted.
        “I have no clue, I’m retarded,” said Kathy.
        “Whateva,” said Juanita, “Ah can do it on mah own.”

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CAIPORA CAMP

        Scott had been lying on the beach butt-naked for the last two hours. Stephenie was seated on his enormous left leg, purple tube top and all, quietly snickering as she watched Rupert’s hole. Alan, Colin and Sam were busy making a circle of banana leaves around Scott’s rather large frame. Marcellas was so sickened by the sight of Scott’s gigantic nude bottom that he didn’t dare open his mouth, lest he vomit.
        “Should be almost time,” Stephenie said, “Guys, chop chop, they’re coming.”

        Sure enough, a small plane flew overhead a few minutes later, and Caipora could clearly see the blonde outline of Holly King, hair flying in the wind, seated at the edge of the door and giggling incessantly.
        “HIIIII CAIPORA!!” she waved, “Oooh, look, they built a papier mache blob thingy, oooooh!”
        “I think that’s a contestant,” said the pilot.
        “Oh, eeeeeew then, how yucky!”
        “Very visible, though, you have to admit,” said the pilot.

        The team was going into quasi-hysterics down below. Stephenie was screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing rocks at anybody who wouldn’t do the same (namely Marcellas). Rupert did his best to feign excitement, while Colin and Alan screamed. FaFu jiggled his ass, and Clay danced to his own rendition of Ace Of Base’s “The Sign”.
        “Eeeeeeew, he’s jiggling,” said Holly, “Go to Iara, go to Iara, fast!”
        “Right on it!”

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IARA CAMP

        “Y’all,” Juanita shouted abruptly, “It be dem!”
        “Praise the Lord,” said Mama Weaver.
        The plane had flown around the circumference of the island and was now doing circles above Iara camp. Holly was waving at the team and smiling intently.
        “Everyone, jump and scream!” April said.
        “AAAAAAAAAAAAH!” said everyone.
        “Time! For! Gyro! It’s time for Gyro!” said Jim.
        “Oooh,” Holly said from the plane, “Theirs is neato, it has words! It says…oh my, that’s quite provocative.”
        “What’s it say,” said the pilot.
        Then he caught a glimpse of it. “Oh…I see.”
        “That’s a little too slutty, don’t you think?” said Holly.
        “It caught my attention, all right,” said the pilot.
        “Oh well,” said Holly, “It could’ve said Holly sucks and it still would’ve beaten naked Scott,” Holly concluded, “Iara wins. Let’s tell them.”
        The pilot lowered the plane until it was circling inches above the canopies of the trees by Iara camp.
        “IARA!! CONGRATULATIOOOONS! YAAAY! YOU WIN!! BUT NEXT TIME TRY NOT TO BE SO PROMISCUOUS OK? YAAAAAAAY!!! AND USE CONDOMS!!!!!”
        “What?” said Kathy.
        “What the fuck is she talking about?” said Janelle.
        “Oh ma gah!” Juanita gasped.

        She had accidentally misplaced the letters of the word “gyro”, so that their sign read “IARA WANTS ORGY”

        “Oh mah gawsh, y’all,” said April, “It says orgy!”
        “LORD,” screamed Mama Weaver, “Forgive them, they know not what they do!”
        “Mah husband and ah had an orgy once,” April shared, “We hired this stripper and we both sucked him off and I combed his pubic hair with mah teeth.”

        APRIL: Janelle is such a slut. All she talks about is kissing Michael.

        Before the plane left, Holly dumped a crate full of hot gyros on the ground, narrowly missing Omarosa’s head.
        “Byeness,” she giggled, “Enjoooooy!”

        Omarosa rolled her eyes.

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DAY 8

IARA CAMP

        “I’m so fucking bored!”
        Janelle spoke for the entire team when she (loudly) expressed her boredom.         Because the reward challenge had happened so early on day 7 and there was no Immunity Challenge until Day 9, today they had nothing to do.
        “Hey, let’s play charades,” Kathy suggested.
        It spoke volumes for how bored they were that even Omarosa didn’t object to this

        KATHY: We were drowning in boredom fluid over here, so I just decided to bring some fun to these people. I swear, if fun were nourishment we’d be the little Ethiopian children in that help line informercial.

        “Ooh, dang,” said Juanita, “I be first.”
        She stood up in front of the group, sucked in her stomach so that her every rib was showing, and began sucking on her thumb. Her other hand kept moving sporadically, as if she was trying to say “a lot” or “bunches” with it.
        “Come on, y’all,” April said, “What is she?”
        “You’re a baby!” said Janelle.
        “You’re baby Jesus!” said Mama Weaver.
        “No,” Jim said, “Babies aren’t anorexic, what the hell?”
        Juanita’s face was turning purple from holding in her stomach. “Oh mah gah, yo, how long dis gon’ take?”
        “Ah give up,” said April, “What are you?”
        “Dat was easy, yo,” said Juanita, “I was a group of chill’run! Why you didn’t get dat?”
        “Oh, God, I quit,” said Omarosa. She got up and walked down to the beach to sunbathe.
        “All right, my turn,” said Mama Weaver.
        She stood up, stretched her arms to either side of her, rested her head against her shoulder and closed her eyes.
        Everyone answered at the exact same time: “You’re Jesus Christ.”
        “How did you all know?” she asked.
        “Ok, I’m next,” Kathy said.
        She let her hair down, sat down on a rock, spread her legs open and began making very obscene movements with her hands, almost as if she inserting a rod-shaped object into her private parts.
        Mama Weaver covered her eyes.
        “Oh my god, what the fuck?” said Janelle.
        “You’re Pamela Anderson,” Jim said.
        “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that,” said Mama Weaver.
        “Settle down, Beavis,” said Julie Chen.
        “What the hell are you doing?” said Jim.
        “Oh, you all suck more than me,” said Kathy, “I was Frederique Van Der Wal masturbating with Tinky Winky’s antenna.”
        “Ok, I’ve had enough of this,” said Mama Weaver, getting up from where she was sitting and making her way down to the beach to suntan with Omarosa.
        “Yeah, I’m about done,” said Janelle.
        “Oh, whateva,” said Juanita, “Y’all suck anyway.”
        And they joined Omarosa and Linda on the beach.

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DAY 9

        STEPHENIE: Today we have an immunity challenge, and we just have to win it. I can’t stand losing. It makes me mad.

        Treemail arrived at Caipora early on the morning of Day 9. It was the usual rhyming Tribal banter, but one word caught the attention of the tribe: “Eating”

        CLAY: Today our treemail said something about eating, so we are expecting a gross food challenge, which I’m totally not worried about because if I can eat watermelon and smell Claymate panties I can definitely eat a worm.

        MARCELLAS: That was the worst news that I could possibly have received. I can do worms and all that, but if they have chicken livers I….I can’t do it. I can’t do it. I can’t.

        “All right guys,” Stephenie said as the men of the tribe put on their purple buffs before the challenge, “Whatever they make us eat, you plug your nose and eat it of we’ll vote you off. If all of us eat then we’ll just vote out Marcellas.”
        “I won’t,” said Rupert.
        “Or Rupert,” said Stephenie, “Whichever annoys me the most at that particular time.”
        “Right,” said Colin.
        “Right,” said Scott.
        “Right,” said Sam.
        “……oh, right” said a distracted Alan.
        “Let’s move out then.”

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IMMUNITY CHALLENGE – GUY/GIRL GUMBO

        Holly made her way to Challenge Beach that afternoon wearing a hot pink getup with sparkly silver stilettos and her hair in a large, wavy ponytail.
        “You mean I actually have to say ‘come on in, guys’?” she whispered to a bush that was clearly a disguised Mark Burnett, “That’s so, like, boring. Can I make my own pleeeeease?”
        “Foine,” said Mark the bush, “But do it now, they’re waiting!”
        “Ok, then,” said Holly, “PRETTIEEEEEEEEEES, COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU AAAAAAARE!!”

        The two tribes appeared from opposite sides of the beach – The Caiporas led by Stephenie, all wore their purple buffs; and the Iaras, led today by Kathy and wearing yellow.
        “Weeeelcome everyone,” said Holly, “To your next Immunity Challenge! Yaaay!”
        “Yay,” said Omarosa sarcastically.
        “Okay, todaaaay we also have special guests again!”
        Holly pointed to a clearing in the woods, and for the first time the castaways noticed to large wooden planks, each containing a person clearly covered in what looked like thick chili.
        “Boys and girls, meet Silas Gaither and Sarah Jones from Survivor! Yaaaaaaay! They’re completely covered from head to toe in gumbo! Your job is to eat all of the gumbo off of them until you can read the words on their underwear! First team to read the words out loud WINS!”
        “Are you fucking kidding me?” said Janelle.
        Marcellas, however, looked positively overjoyed.
        “I get to lick gumbo off of Silas! Yes!”
        “Well, not really,” said Holly, “Silas goes to Iara. You get Sarah.”
        Stephenie looked as if Christmas had come early.

        “All right, take your placies,” said Holly, “Aaaaaand GO!”
        The members of both teams began feverishly digging their hands and mouths into the thick piles of gumbo that covered both Sarah and Silas. Jim checked his masculinity at the door and was wiping gumbo off of Silas’s crotch, while the girls stuffed their faces with the slimy brown substance. Even Janelle, who had been faced with a situation similar to this before and had lost on purpose was throwing gumbo down her own throat as if her life depended on it.
        Over at Caipora, Marcellas refused to eat altogether, and Clay ate very little. Thankfully for them, Scott more than made up for their relative ineffectiveness, and Rupert helped not so much by eating, but by getting large amounts of thick brown gumbo stuck in his prominent beard.
        “Guys, I see the first letter,” said Alan, spitting out some gumbo as he talked, “It’s an H…and there’s an O next to it! You know, if you take the H and the O out of H.O. and add two As, an N and an L, that spells my first name.”
        “Shut up and keep eating,” said Stephenie.

        “Guys,” said April, “Ah’m gonna be sick.”
        “My ass gon’ be fat,” said Juanita.
        “Dear Lord, please make this gumbo vanish off of Silas,” said Mama Weaver.
        “I’m gonna throw up,” said Kathy.
        “GIRLS!” Jim shouted in between mouthfuls, “Keep eating, come on!”

        By then it was too late. FaFu was quite the star over at Caipora, and he licked Sarah clean before Iara even got their first letter.
        “Holly rocks! The message is Holly Rocks!”
        “Egotistical bitch,” said Stephenie.
        “Yaaaaaaaaaaaay, Caipora wins!” said Holly.
        “AAAAAARGHSHAHAH,” said Colin.
        “All righty, guys, here you goooooo,” said Holly. She handed Caipora her pet mannequin. “You are safe! And Iara…..oopsies, you’re not! Tonight you have to vote someone off! Awwwwww.”

        And she skipped back into the woods.

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DAY 9

IARA CAMP

        “Well, that sucks,” Janelle said later in the afternoon as she, Kathy and Jim sat by the fire.

        JANELLE: It sucked ass to lose because it means that either myself, Kathy or Jim will leave tonight.

        Having played a game with April before, Janelle tried her best to win her sympathy and a potential vote, but it was useless. Although she wasn’t firmly with the majority alliance, April was set on not helping her old group at all.
        Kathy didn’t seem too worried. She was the only member of the team everyone including Omarosa actually liked, and she knew the chances of either Janelle or Jim leaving were much better. So she kept to herself, trying not to draw too much attention.

        KATHY: As long as I don’t piss these people off in the next couple of hours, I think I’m safe. So I’ll just stay here in my own little corner and in my own little chair and be whatever I want to be, because I’m damn scared of the wings of their fancy.

        In contrast with Kathy’s calm behavior, Jim was acting straight out of desperation. The minute Iara returned from the Immunity Challenge he pulled Juanita to the side and began working her for her vote. It was the same “Janelle is prettier than you” speech he’d given her earlier.

        JIM: At this point Kathy isn’t going anywhere, so it’s between me and Janelle. All I have to do is make sure she goes home before I do, and believe me, I can do it.

        “So, here’s the deal,” Jim told Mama Weaver, “I was watching Big Brother 6, and Janelle sat on the Bible.”
        “Oh, no!” said Mama Weaver.
        “Yeah, she sat on it. How can a good Christian woman like yourself allow someone who willingly sits on the Bible to win this game.”
        “Why, no,” said Mama Weaver, “That can’t happen. Oh my.”

        What Jim wanted was for Mama Weaver to convince her alliance to vote Janelle off instead of him.
        He never expected her to go straight to Janelle.

        “So, here’s the thing,” said Mama Weaver, “I heard you like to sit on the Bible on purpose.”
        “What?” said a clearly confused Janelle.
        “It’s what I heard,” said Mama Weaver.
        “Who told you that?”
        “I’m not at liberty to say,” said Mama Weaver, “I promised him I wouldn’t tell.”
        “So it was Jim,” said Janelle, “You promised HIM you wouldn’t say, and he’s the only him we have!”
        Mama Weaver was clearly dumfounded. She hadn't planned on Janelle being smart.
        “Well, it doesn’t matter who told me,” she said, “I just wanna know if it’s true.”
        “Of course it’s not true,” Janelle replied, “Sure, I dropped the Bible once, but it was an accident and I picked it up right away. I never sat on it on purpose. God is cool.”
        “I know, sweetie, I know,” said Mama Weaver, whose tone had gone from condescending to comforting, “Don’t let what Jim says about you get you upset.”
        She hugged Janelle, and practically ran to Julie, Omarosa and Juanita to badmouth Jim.

        JANELLE: It was all strategy on my part to play the God card with Mama Weaver. As long as she thinks I’m a good Christian or whatever she won’t ever vote against me. Plus, now that she thinks Jim’s a big fat liar she’s gonna try to convince the others to vote against him.

        “So he betrayed his own alliance,” said Omarosa, “Well, why are we keeping him then?”
        “That’s what I’m saying,” said Mama Weaver.
        “We can vote him off then,” said Julie Chen, “But first, how will Janelle react when she hears she’s not going home?”
        “Why she ain’t going?” said Juanita, “She bofuscatin’ me!”
        “She’s what?” asked Omarosa.
        “She bofuscatin’ me!” Juanita repeated, “She makin’ herself look mo’ pretty than me.”
        “Oh, give me a break,” said Omarosa, “You just have never been in the presence of a strong black woman before.”
        “Bitch, is you crazy?” said a perplexed Juanita, “I be black! And I ain’t even talkin’ ‘bout you!”

        JUANITA: Dat crack ho be trippin’! What da hell be up her butt? I be talkin’ ‘bout Janelle and she gon’ give me da racist speech? I don’t think so!

        Led solely by her emotions, Juanita tried to convince the rest of her team to vote against Omarosa, but they didn’t wanna hear it. It wasn’t until Mama Weaver spoke that they all realized they were supposed to be voting together.
        “Guys,” she said, “We need to have faith in each other. But not too much faith, we’re not supposed to worship false idols.”
        “So,” Julie Chen said, “Will we vote out Jim, the Ad Executive from Gilbertsville, PA, or Janelle, the VIP Cocktail Waitress from Miami Beach, FL?”
        “Jim, of course,” said Mama Weaver, “He lies.”
        "I want dat bitch Janelle, to go though,” Juanita complained.
        “Well, let’s pick one then,” said Omarosa, “And stop bitching about it.”

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TRIBAL COUNCIL

        When Iara arrived at their second consecutive Tribal Council, Holly was already there, wearing funeral black and thick eyeliner. There was a large wooden barrel next to her, which the tribe assumed was Mark Burnett hiding himself from view.
        “Come out come out, pretties,” said Holly, “This Council is Tribalicious!”
        “Holly!” Burnett whisper-shouted from the barrel, “Just say what you’re supposed to!”
        “But the script is boooooring,” said Holly, “I like to make it fun! Like, instead of ‘the tribe has spoken’ I was thinking I could do a little dance and sing about fire or something.”
        “NO,” Burnett shouted, “You follow the script.”
        “But—“
        “No buts,” said Burnett, “You ‘but’ one more time and I fire you.”
        “Okaaay,” said Holly, “Gosh, you don’t need to get all defensive about it, geesh!”
        “Holly, we’re ten minutes into the Council and you haven’t started it yet, GO!”
        “Ok, God!”
        “Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain,” said Mama Weaver matter-of-factly.
        “Hiiiiiii, guys,” Holly said, “Welcome to Tribal Council where one of you will go poof! And vanish! Awwwwww, how sad! You know, I had a magician boyfriend once, and he—“
        “HOLLY!”
        “What, it’s just a story!” said Holly.
        “FOLLOW THE FREAKING SCRIPT!!!”
        “But—“
        It was the strike of death.
        “GET THE HELL OFF MY SET!” said Burnett, bursting out of the barrel with a face redder than Holly’s lipstick, “GO! LEAVE! YOU’RE FIRED!”
        “But you caaaaaan’t!” Holly cried, “NO! I like this jooooob!”
        “LEAVE! GO! GOODBYE!”
        And there was really nothing else Holly could do. Ceremoniously, she pulled a wooden plank from one of the Council’s walls, lit it on fire and put it out. “Bye, Holly,” she said to herself, “The tribe has spoken.”
        And with that she waved goodbye to Iara, said “Go get ‘em you guys!” and walked off.
        “Well, then,” said Burnett, “We’ll have a new host for you tomorrow. Go vote.”
        “Damn it,” said Janelle, “I liked Holly.”
        “Well, we can vote yo’ ass out and you can go join her!” said Juanita, bopping her head and snapping her fingers as she spoke.
        “Go vote,” said Burnett, “And hurry, I’ve got to go tell Donald who to fire in ten minutes.”
        “Sorry, I’m going,” said Janelle.
        She walked up to the voting confessional and voted for Jim. “Jim, I thought you were my friend but you totally betrayed me, so this vote is for you.”
        Kathy did the same.
        Mama Weaver voted against Jim. “Never lie about the Bible,” she said, “Not to me.”
        April, to nobody’s surprise, voted against Janelle. “You are just a very selfish person, and I want the money all to myself, so you can’t have it.”
        Juanita followed suit. “No mo’ bofuscation.”

        When all the votes were cast, Burnett retrieved the voting urn, pulled a slip of paper from his left pocket and read out loud: “Once the votes are read, uh, the decision is foinal, and the person voted off will have to leave the Troibal Council area immediately. I’ll, uh….read the votes.”
        He opened the urn and read aloud the first vote: “Janelle.”
        The second vote was also for Janelle. He opened the third one.
        “Janelle. Three votes Janelle.”
        “Fuck,” Janelle whispered.
        “Next vote…..Jim”
        “What?” said Jim.
        “Jim”
        “Jim. Three votes Janelle, three votes Jim. Two votes left.”
        Burnett pulled out the seventh vote from the urn and read it aloud: “Jim. That’s four vote Jim, three votes Janelle. I’ll read the last vote.”
        He pulled out the last card from the urn, opened it up and turned it slowly to the contestants.

        “Jim.”
        “WHAT?” said Jim, clearly flabbergasted.
        “Oh mah gah!” said Juanita.
        “Jim,” Burnett said, “Please bring me your torch.”
        Jim got up, gave Juanita a hug, grabbed his torch and handed it to Burnett.
        “Jim,” Burnett said, “The troibe has spoken.”
        And he put out Jim’s flame.
        “I’ve had fun,” said Jim softly.

        And he walked down the stone path into the darkness.

        “Well,” said Burnett, “That’s all for tonight. I’ve gotta make sure Trump doesn’t fire Clay. You know, we’ve gotta to at least pretend he’s not homophobic. We’ll have a new host tomorrow. So long.”

        “What the fuck was that all about?” said Janelle.

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VOTING HISTORY

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NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR: REALITY STARS

-A major twist changes the game dramatically and tensions flare.
-One tribe attempts to communicate with the other in order to guarantee an elimination
-A third host in introduced.

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Thanks!

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I thought the new host was supposed to be in this episode though.

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I originally planned it that way, but it would've just stalled the story. It felt more natural to introduce her at the beginning of the next episode.

Thanks for the responses everyone! I'll work on your suggestions!

Btw, feel free to keep responding...

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I say just keep it going

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Definitely. I never thought of stopping. Episode 4 is about halfway done.