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The HILLS HAVE EYES...they are dead eyes, angry eyes, bette davis eyes.. they have EYES of Laura Mars...

We begin another day of the Hills with our beloved Princess She of the Paper bag personality distressed over her fractured bestest friend forever She of the Dead Eyes is coming to a crashing halt. Friendship on the hills have the lifespan of Mickey D's fry line.. only with less grease.

Once again recriminations occur when She of the Big Wheel and He who shall not be named have a disagreement that the sister of the big wheel, heretofore named, baby wheel is moving to the HILLS.. the only place to live when you are under 30 and blonde and stupid.

The court of the Hills decides to vacate to another Kingdom for a celebratory event of one of the Jester's to the land of the Vegas. There once again recriminations and %+!%$ are the watchwords of Hills soirees.... when the Head Jester annoys the Sister of He who shall not be named. %+!%$ and promises of loyalty are the essential elements to Hills relationships and END SCENE.

The soiree continues without She of Dead Eyes as she is in the Tower soon to be exterminated as she has no respect for the Princess. The court is alarmed by the utter behavior of the Lady in Waiting and her role will soon be third in credits if this continues.

Meanwhile drama remains in the Hills with the arrival of the Sister of the Big Wheel... and much like America outside the Hills NO ONE CARES.

Back in the land of the Vegas the Jesters are arrested... and sadly unlike other kingdoms they manage to remain alive to return to the HILLS.

And friction remains between the Sister of the Big Wheel and He who shall not be named as they compete for the most useless tool in the HILLS. There is room for only one lazy good for nothing and He who shall not be named wants to remain in that primary role less he too be relegated to fifth in credits. END SCENE.

Back at the Princess "work" she shares her sadness with the Co-worker in waiting who ironically is the one in charge despite the fact that again there is no evidence of managerial or supervisory skills...

And She of the Dead eyes speaks to the dude with tude and also shares her concerns that her bestest friend forever the one she has known now for 4 whole seasons which in Hills years is equivalent to a decade.. his counsel is of course full of tude and half... and she of dead eyes responds as dead eyes are prone to .... without emotion as they are dead.

Meanwhile back at the place of "employment" the Scary Woman Bitch arrives to give instructions and delegates responsibility to them and by them she is referring to the real people MTV has hired to do the work who may or may not be immigrants or indentured servants. She reminds all of them that Scary Woman Bitch is not from the Hills but from the land of BLACKNESS... just to clarify any confusion by those who may or may not work there or in fact watch the show or care.

Back at the home of the Big Wheel and HE who shall not be NAMED.. much discussion is ensued about the sister who has "disappeared"

Disappeared is the watchword at back the Princesses' Castle the Princess of the Paperbag personality and the She bitch have a discussion and I would reiterate it but then I would have had to listen to it.. but it was about she of the Dead eyes.

And back at the Social event for the co-workers to bond and then "work" they are too pre-occupied about she of the dead eyes to even style said singer Lady Gaga.. ironic that she is also a Lady in the Hills.. but she is not waiting... well she is because her career is secondary to the the co-worker and the Princess.. someone got burned by MTV I think.

Back at the Big Wheel's place the Sister returns from her walkabout only without Aborgines, Australia or any kind of mood altering drugs.. so methinks the Sister of the Big Wheel went to the big place in the sky called the Mall for the day. More %+!%$ ensue and drama resolved.. END SCENE.

She of the Dead Eyes arrives at the Castle to have the final countdown or whatever with the Princess.. The Princess expresses ire as only she can.. pouty and accusatory... and its awkward for her.... that is right Princess don't you understand your list in the cast is secure but the Ladies in Waiting are struggling for the second position. The Princess sacrifices so much for She of the Dead Eyes.. going to the "weird" shows and bobbing her head is very important to be acknowledged for her pain is again much like the King who had to cut off the heads of his wives to make it clear that they just weren't cutting it.. apparently literally in his case.

%+!%$ and more %+!%$ with the realization that the created relationship that MTV foisted on the two polar opposites who have known each other for the purpose of casting and drama are forced again into a marriage of convenience for the hilarity or sadness that is life in the HILLS.

Will anyone be happy in the HILLS? The answer is well fuck no... but then there is no HILLS with happiness.