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Survivor: Pearl Islands

"I go by the moniker of Jonny Fairplay…I don't play fair" (Jon Dalton)

"Pirate's Pillage, Pirate's steal, Pirate's take advantage. If they were gonna be silly enough to put it right next to me, I'm gonna put it in my thing. All their trade goods, all the little women's shoes…the insoles. Everything that I could find in theirs…I took. (Rupert)

"The lady (in the village) I think liked her… in a sexual way" (Sandra)

"It's only a quarter of a mile to our water …it's not that bad. However that's where every single mosquito on this planet lives! Every one of them!" (Jon Dalton)

"I was big on getting the booze yesterday, we ending up trading a pair of mismatched shoes for some jugs of wine…and that was a big deal to me." (Jon Dalton)

"We didn't get any light, we didn't get any soap, but …we got booze." (Rupert)

"Man if you guys were seventeen you'd so be naked right now! (Jon Dalton)

"….where are the teenage girls?" (Jon Dalton)

"Half of her (Christa's) dress is now a skirt for Michelle and the other half is a skirt for Blackbeard." (Jon Dalton)

"My God my thighs feel so much better!" (Rupert)

"…it's done, I'm wearing a dress." (Rupert)

"….I wish they're ding-a-lings got stuck on a vine or something." (Sandra)

(Sandra to Ryan S) "Are you the ambassador of the Morgan tribe?" Ryan S: No, I'm the goober of the Morgan tribe."

"You lost my bag and you killed my spear…can I be mad." (Rupert to Shawn)

"Shawn is the biggest puss I've ever met in my entire life." (Christa)

Shawn: "Where was it?" Rupert: "In the ocean!"

"But he (Jon) gets mad he doesn't want to seem like he's the weakest one out here…which he is." (Sandra)

"I can get loud too!" (Sandra)

(Jon about Sandra) "…she's not one of the final four and I got a mill that says she won't be the final one!"

"We talk about the treasure, we dream about the treasure, we fantasize about the treasure. I've had more wet dreams about that treasure than any girl in playboy." (Jon Dalton)

"I'd call it a getto Christmas, it's like asking for an Incrediable Hulk doll and getting your sisters Ken doll painted green…its just not the same" (Jon on the buried treasure)

"I'm a freakin' puppet master." (Jon Dalton)

Probst: "(to Jon) Are you loaded?" Jon: "Yes."

"Can you dig that, sucka?" (voting against Burton)

Probst: "Jon, Let me ask you a question. What is this(does Jon's hand thing)? Jon: That's Jonny Fairplay right there…that's the F that's the Y, I'm all in between Jonny Fairplay…I play fair no no cheatin'!"

Jon: "Hey actually we might eat some funky stuff so if ya wanna kiss before that's cool?" Darrah: "No I think I'll pass."

"I feel that the last immunity challenge was mind over matter and obviously a sardine is bigger than Sandra's mind." (Jon Dalton)

"Good girl (points to himself) say hello to bad guy" (Jon voting for Michelle)

(during the cannon challenge)"Jon gets loaded." (Jeff Probst)

(also during the cannon challenge) Probst: "Which one (are you aiming for)?" Jon: "I'm going for the orange one."

"…Their (Morgan's) morale is pretty low as a result of losing the reward challenge. So I plan on taking that morale and jumping on it till there's nothing left of come immunity time." (Jon Dalton)

"Everybody's got a price. Everybody's gotta pay. Cuz the million dollar man always gets his way." (voting for Rupert)

"…I'm not the kind of guy who forgives and forgets" (Jon right after his fight with Rupert)

"Jonny Fairplay is Jonny pain in the ass now to me." (Rupert Boneham)

"…let them kill each other, vote each other off. As long as it ain't Sandra, I'm happy." (Sandra)

"Your past has come back and haunt you." (Jeff Probst)

"Revenge baby, it's all about revenge." (Outcast Michelle)

"Their entire lives they've been losers…this is no different." (Jon about the Outcasts)

"Damn it Dude! You do more not to do work than... doin' work!"-Jon Dalton

"Fuck you." (Jon Dalton voting for Shawn)

"Osten, per your wishes…go home. With all due respect to Osten, people work too damn hard to get in this game and fight to stay alive. If He wants to lay his torch down…so it shall be." (Jeff Probst)

"…there was a little worry on my part, and Lill was sitting there like a golden goddess, she was kicked out of that tribe, she was pissed off…"- Jon Dalton

Jon (voting for Andrew Savage) "Oooooh yeah. Mr. Macho, Mr. Savage going down! Dig it?!

"One more challenge Jon cannot finish" -Probst after Jon breaks a plate out of order in a reward challenge

"aah, we still love ya there Buddy." Rupert to Jon after Probst's insult

"Now I know how Jesus felt." -Lillian while carrying a large wooden pole.

After Sandra gives Jon a bad coconut during a challenge, Probst: "Sandra, why Jon?" Sandra: "Jon knows the deal."

"I never give up, I never surrender, I never admit defeat." Rupert

"Lill ya gotta stop doing that" Burton about Lill's unwanted kisses

"The reason I gave my reward to Jon instead of Rupert is that I don't want Rupert to have any more food than he can have. I want Rupert tired, weak, injured, and hobbling around so that I can smoke him on the immunity challenge tomorrow." - Burton

Lill: "I am the Scoutmaster!" Jon: "You're drunk Lill!"

"It was a pleasure having me." Jon Dalton (after he gets knocked out of the dart competition)

"Promises to me can be broken about as easily as a fat woman on wicker furniture…it's that simple." Jon Dalton

(voting for Rupert for the 2^nd time) "To be the man, you've got to beat the man. Wooo!"

"Where's that snake Mother fucker Jon? I tell you what, can't nobody trust that bitch right there! I never trusted you from day one and you can't be trusted, ladies he cannot be trusted he will backstab you in a fucking heartbeat, like he did everybody here!" (Sandra Diaz-Twine)

"Every time a plan went down you put it together!" (Sandra to Jon)

"The one factor that you can always count on is greed, the greed of the two Morgan girls was enough to know that I could trust them to take out Rupert" (Jon Dalton)

Jon: "Dude how's Grandma? How's Grandma? Thunder D: "She died dude."

Burton: (after seeing Thunder D take Jon in his manly embrace) "Jon's lost about 30 pounds, so take it easy on him" Thunder D: I thought he gained 10."

"My Grandma's sitting at home watching Jerry Springer right now."

"The fake dead Grandmother could easily go down as the dirtiest thing every to be done in this game." (Jon Dalton)

Thunder D: "You're grandma's gonna hate you" Jon: "My grandma's gonna love it!"

"This word here…misspelled. Jon's out of the game, have a seat …with the girls." (Jeff Probst)

"I swear on my grandmother and that's a big freaking deal, I wouldn't break that." (Jon Dalton)

"…because Jon is just like a girl."-Sandra

"Whenever I hear wet and water that's awful for me." Sandra (after receiving treemail about a water challenge.)

"The Pearl Islands are quote unquote paradise, however, it sucks with the bugs, it sucks with some of the people here, it sucks with the food…here (at the reward) THIS is paradise." (Jon Dalton)

Lill: "I love a man who takes charge" Darrah: "Me too" (Lill and Darrah while Jon is ordering their dinner)

"There's a few more sides to Jonny Fairplay than these girls had any clue about and as Lill said I'm more than just a pretty face." (Jon Dalton)

"I had so much fun explaining to D and Lill that Christa made me swear on my grandmother's grave and I told them that it upset me so much to have to do that and that one of her last wishes was that I win (laughs)." (Jon Dalton)

"It's gonna be me and Jon in the final 2…Jon's a snake and he lies but he also tells the truth too and I know he's not sitting here lying to me about going to the final 2." (the not-so-perceptive Darrah on reward with uber-liar Jon)

"There's a word in the English language called naïve and some people are that and obviously those people are playing this game." (Jon Dalton)

(Jon voting for Christa) "Love it, hate it, but learn to live with it, cuz it's the best thing going today."

"…I swear on my kids that I'm gonna screw you (Jon) and Burton" (Sandra)

"…I've really never spoken strategy with Sandra before. The good thing about her though is she would vote out her best friend or her worst enemy, she would go to the next level with five people she hated to get it to that next level. It's very cut and dry with Sandra." (Burton)

(Jon voting for Lill) I'm hardcore. I'm hardcore. I'm hardcore. You're nice. Have a nice day.

Probst: "Rise and shine, day 37 is here. Jon and three women in bed…another first." Jon: "Actually not really." Probst: "(absolute disgust in his voice) Good morning guys."

"I was just mainly worried if like my DOG was okay and…um, ya know my FAMILY." Darrah

"It seems kinda obvious that the three of them have formed some kind of bond. You know 'cause all three share inferiority complexes to that of a man." Jon Dalton

Not really a quote but absolutely LOVE watching Jon pick a fight between Darrah and Lill …he's always trying to convince people that Lill would win hands down in the final two when he (and anybody with any sense) knows better.

"I don't care if it's a physical challenge or a mental challenge. I'm the king of men and there're women, there's a huge difference. If it's a getting pregnant contest, ya, they could probably win, but other than that, mentally, physically I can beat any of 'em." Jon Dalton

"You can't even take a piss break!" - Sandra Diaz-Twine

(Jon voting for Darrah) Remember the name of oooh Fairplay.

Jon: "Lill, here's a deal… I'll let you have immunity if you promise to take me to the final 2" Lill: "No promises!" Jon: "Well... that's... that's... that's not a deal Lill!"

Lill: "You could easily have voted me out yesterday right along with Darrah (huh?). Sandra: You looked me in the eyes and said Darrah and I said Lill whatever you want. You looked me in the eyes the day before and said Burton …and I said Lill whatever you want. Please will you take me with you? Say…Sandra whatever you want."

"What happened was…after that challenge we were all devastated so we called back home to see if there was anything we could do to help and you answered the damn phone!" (Probst to Jon's grandma at the reunion)

"Shoot, maybe on All-Stars my grandpa will die." (Jon at the reunion)

Probst: (to Jon) "Speaking of being a ladies man…did you and …Nicole spend any time together?" Nicole: (laughs and covers her face in embarassment)"You little shit!"

Survivor: Vanuatu

"They used up all the hot water... bitches." - Chris

"I am not the only freaking person that has lied in this game! Get on, get over it. You've been had, SCREW YOU!"-Twila

Scout (voting for Mia) "Her volcano erupts more often than I would like and good luck finding a husband who will put up with it"

"Dolly told me that she was definitely going to vote for Leann. I nearly dropped my teeth." Scout

"Whereas I knew Twila was going to be a deceptive, lying bitch," she says, "I did not know that you were a deceptive, lying bitch, too." -Eliza to Chris

"I was just apologizing for bringing up something that she didn't want me to bring up, and she's like 'motherfucker go to hell?!'" -Eliza to Julie (about Twila)

"Its freaking soap-opera-ville!"-Ami

"We shocked the shizznit out of them!"-Ami

"Its like scout, put kayan pepper in my pants and said Hey, lets dance, well i'm ready to dance!"-Ami

Ami (voting for Scout) "Well Scout you are pretty good at hiding your nasty side, but when your true colors come out you're no part of any rainbow I've ever seen.

"I told her, 'I have no problem with nudity. I've been to Europe!'"- Sarge

"I mean if you got it... sunbathe it."-Sarge describing Julie "sunbathing her butt ox region"

Survivor: Guatemala

He (Judd) also has a problem with recall.-Margaret

Blindsided….nice! Now that's how you vote somebody out!-Jamie

I think some people hear are a little star-struck, maybe they can get her (Stephenie's) autograph after the show.-Gary "Hawkins"

I hope you all get bit by a freaking crocodile! …..Scumbags. -Judd after being blindsided at tribal council.

…this is a lie, the idol is on the ground-Gary "Hawkins"

…they poured this whole bottle of honey on the fire and I was like…hello we'd like that honey.-Stephenie LaGrossa

SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS

"if I switch over to Aitu, I'm a complete bastard, if I stick with Raro, I'm a complete bastard!"- Jonathan

"Well a kiss is nice, maybe if it were love…he would've given you the immunity necklace." - Jeff Probst to Candace.

Cao Boi to Jonathan "I wonder what boobies taste like?" (meaning the bird of course)