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117. Michelle Chase (Survivor: Gabon - 18th Place)

Going into this season, I expected Michelle to be as boring and shitty as Amanda was. After all they're a very similar demographic of seemingly sweet, young, athletic brunettes. But once the show began and Michelle was the last player picked, the love began. She was basically like an unsuccessful Courtney because she hated how stupid her tribe was and she hated the fact that they were all losers. She was one of the only players on the tribe worth anything, and yet they voted her out because she had a bad attitude. So ironic. Also, she was more than willing to try a termite and establish a friendship with a nerd like Ken, which was surprising for a relatively attractive cast member to bother forming an alliance with someone scrawny and obviously socially inept. It was a really sweet pairing.


170. Gillian Larson (Survivor: Gabon - 17th Place)

I'll give Gillian credit for being a true fan of the show and applying for it as many times as she did. I'll also give her credit for believing so firmly in the dream that she'd get on the show that she wouldn't buy a buff from the online store, preferring to get her own. But on the show, she was just too perky and too useless. She couldn't do anything, so she tried to cheerlead way too much, so she wasn't even fun and adorable like Lydia was. She was just the crazy old lady that didn't fit in with anyone. She seemed more interested in being back home in Africa than she was in playing Survivor...you know, the game she signed up for and applid so many times for.


162. Paloma Soto-Castillo (Survivor: Gabon - 16th Place)

My biggest issue with Paloma was that she was just so bland in the first two episodes, and then she was like a negative sweetheart, which just doesn't work as a personality type. I knew from the minute I saw her bio and her casting video that she would do little more than take up space in the season, and fortunately, she didn't take up space for too long. I rank her as high as I do mainly because of her final tribal council performance when she was just coming up with gold in terms of how and why she disliked Ace. We could be brother and sister in another life...AFTER I'M DEAD. Classic.


196. Jacquie Berg (Survivor: Gabon - 15th Place)

Honestly, there's not a whole lot to say about Jacquie, because she's boring. She's one of those typical, non-descript girls that doesn't do anything but attempt to look pretty and goes far because no one has her on their radar. I rank her as high as I do, just above Mary (who I also moved up a few spaces) because of the fact that Jacquie really had the game in the palm of her hand. She had a solid alliance of four and she had a side alliance with two of her tribemates. Unfortunately, she got split up from her alliance of four and was forced onto a tribe of complete losers that couldn't win a challenge to save their lives. She also got stuck with the one player from her original tribe who desperately wanted to jump ship and the strongest player from her original tribe. As a result, she was an easy target when the losers went to tribal council, and as a result, I feel bad for Jacquie, because she really got screwed.


249. Danny "GC" Brown (Survivor: Gabon - 14th Place)

And Danny comes in as one of my bottom four players of all time, just above asshole Rocky, and quitting bitches Osten and Lisi. Honestly, GC may not have physically quit like Osten did, but he's pathetic and I'm really glad he's gone. Seeing players get taken out before him because of his strength, when he never even tried in some of the challenges, is disgusting. And the fact that he was just so negative and loserish is unforgivable. His tribe gave him the role of leader, which granted, was a mistake on their part, but still, he could've tried a little harder. He constantly tripped up and bitched and moaned about wanting to eat more when his tribe was running low on rice by the third episode. Everything had to go GC's way, or else he would get all stubborn and confrontational. And in his last episode, he was so much of an asshole that he took off in his tribe's canoe and almost caused them to go to the immunity challenge without him. Did he care? No. And because he basically asked his tribe to vote him out, they were prevented from taking out the hidden immunity idol when it was their best chance to do it. Danny ruined the early part of Gabon and we can only hope it improves now that he's gone.

118. Kelly Czarnecki (Survivor: Gabon - 13th Place)

For those following the rankings, you'll notice that I rank Kelly JUST below Michelle. I do this because they're both extremely similar in character. Both weak. Both snarky. Both a helluvalot smarter than the rest of the morons on their tribe. And both were more than willing to call out the Fang rejects for being shitty players. AT TRIBAL COUNCIL. Michelle should've stayed over Gillian. Granted, the difference wasn't that big, physically, but Michelle was tons more interesting. And on the same page, Kelly should've stayed over Ace, but sadly, fucking Crystal had to be so competitive that she couldn't risk losing another challenge, and sabotaged her own game in order to strengthen one of the worst tribes of all time. Plus, Kelly made fun of Jacquie for being a personality-less bore in her post-game interview, which is fucking AWESOME.


47. Fang (Crystal, Dan, GC, Gillian, Ken, Matty, Michelle, Randy, Susie)

For the first few episodes, I kinda liked Fang. I mean, they were the plucky underdogs that you wanted to root for being they were interesting and diverse personalities. Sure, you had people that were really hated, like GC, but overall, the tribe was decently diverse. Unfortunately, they showed incredible stupidity right away by booting Michelle over Gillian by even ENTERTAINING the idea of voting out Dan just because he MIGHT have had the idol. Sadly, Crystal took too much of a leadership role on the tribe, and her leadership sucks, and they've been in a downward spiral ever since.


51. Kota (Ace, Bob, Charlie, Corinne, Jacquie, Kelly, Marcus, Paloma, Sugar)

Kota was really boring during the first two episodes of the show. I mean, it was like if you didn't have a Y chromosome, you were completely ignored, or you were made into a complete stereotype like Charlie. They were a strong tribe that worked together, but there was no diversity at all. Two alpha males, five young women, three of whom were blonde, and Bob and Charlie. It was really hard to enjoy the tribe because there was little personality or reason to care whether or not they succeeded, especially in comparison to the underdog Fangs.

111. Ace Gordon (Survivor: Gabon - 12th Place)

Honestly, as a person, I despised Ace. He was arrogant and he was a complete douchebag during his time on the show. Pretty much the main reason for liking him early one was the fact that British accents and bald heads (like, completely bald) are hot. But despite his douchiness, Ace proved that he was dominant in the game. He may have done poorly in some physical challenges once joining NuFang, but compared to the rest of the rejects on his tribe, he was Terry and Tom put together. Strategically, Ace was above everyone else on his tribe and was able to get away with being an arrogant tool for so long because he was just so good at snaking his way through the game. In the end though, he was taken out by his own little pocket ally, which is truly the best way he could've gone out. Better to go down in flames like a true villain than to limp through the game and be taken out as a threat after the merge. It's a lot like Fairplay losing to Lill and getting voted out at the final 3.


151. Dan Kay (Survivor: Gabon - 11th Place)

Honestly, there's not a whole lot that's interesting about Dan, at least not enough to rank him about thirty places higher than my list of boring, forgettable alpha males. But Dan was different. He was never cocky and he was never arrogant, and he really did seem like a nice guy who wanted to help his tribe succeed. Seriously, he was EXACTLY like Michael Cera in mannerisms, appearance, voice, and everything. It was adorable because he's like this lovable little loser from high school that wants to be popular, but he's too sensative to be a douchebag like most popular kids are. Dan's story was cute, but still, he was boring enough to rank low.