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11. Crystal Cox (Survivor: Gabon - 11th Place)

I went into the season with a special investment in Crystal. You see, my mom has an office pool going on, and the players are randomly assigned to everyone. I got Crystal and every week I gave another two dollars to the group pot, which was great because if she made the final 4, I got back at least all the money I put in. So yeah, watching her go out two rounds before I would've gotten money kinda sucks, but it did make me follow Crystal very closely (and much more closely than Mary Who from last season).

Pre-show, obviously I figured Crystal was going to be awesome. I mean, Jolanda made for epic television and she was a sassy, black Olympian too. I also figured Crystal would be an early boot because strong women tend to frighten the alpha males on Survivor. But then I saw all her pre-show stuff and saw that she wasn't just someone cast as a recruit. She was a Survivor fan and she seemed to have a plan on how to win the game, specifically by toning down her athleticism and hiding herself as a real threat. She was even funnier because she was naturally tall, thus inspiring the Massive Crystal nickname and subsequent chops.

The game started for Crystal with a whimper as she lost the first challenge, which I thought could be attributed to her just having trouble on the rough terrain, but then she lost another challenge, and another. Pre-merge, Crystal only won two challenges with her tribe, making a mockery of her gold medal (which, as I heard, wasn't even won due to her competing in the final heat). Seriously, it was hilarious to see just how pathetic she would do in challenges over and over in every episode. It was the best running gag of the season. Post-merge, it wasn't like she got any better. Crystal failed at everything thrown at her. Hell, she couldn't even win at rock, paper, scissors for crying out loud. The final episode of Crystal brought the perfect culmination to her challenge failure storyline, starting with a complete inability to shoot a basket (and the missing of a fucking slam dunk on a hoop closer to the ground than she was), and ending with her struggling to even stay on the course in the immunity challenge.

But challenges were only PART of the legend of Crystal Cox. Her personality was awesome, ranging from sad to happy to outright crazy. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, and watching her yell at every (and I mean every, remember that she lost all but one immunity) tribal council was just hilarious. She could start a fight over anything, and she often fought with my other favorite boot thus far, Randy (who has since been bumped down to number 14). Crystal's fights became something to look forward to at every tribal council because Crystal Cox loved to talk about how Crystal Cox was feeling, and if you pissed off Crystal Cox, Crystal Cox would tell you all about it. Her vote for Randy was so epic because of how loudly she cast it, so that the whole tribal council could hear it, and her flipping off Kelly was equally hilarious. The best players are the ones that just let every emotion through their filters, and there's no coincidence that Crystal is placed right beside Judd, given just how similar the two really are.