84. Ken Hoang (Survivor: Gabon - 5th Place)
Going into this season of Survivor, I thought there was not a chance in hell that Ken would survive until the merge. I mean, he's this
scrawny little kid that by the end of the game was so emaciated that you could see each and every one of his ribs. But really, the reason I liked Ken so much
is because he's a hardcore gamer and he was basically a good representative of gamers overall. He was kinda socially awkward, goofy, but extremely
underestimated, given his strategic ability. He and Crystal made an amazing team, even if she was a LOT more fun to watch. Ken was strategically dominant,
and his masterminding the Ace and Charlie boots was pure poetry. Unfortunately, as he got closer to the end, he thought he had the game in the bag, so he got
sloppy. He started to make unnecessary moves and he started to screw up, trusting people he shouldn't have been trusting, and it got him blindsided at the
final 5. Plus, towards the end, he really started being a little prick, especially towards Bob about the whole idol deal. That pissed me off a lot. Still,
as a character, Ken was great for this season and makes my top 100.
211. Matty Whitmore (Survivor: Gabon - 4th Place)
Matty was such an irritating and sanctimonious douchetwat and I hated him almost from day one. I mean, I hated him at first because he just
looked like a smug prick in his picture and the whole "trust-fund baby" shit was not fun. Hell, the fact that he wasn't even REMOTELY an
applicant. He was recruited in a fucking grocery store. WTF casting?! In the game, he wasn't much better. He had no strategy and has admitted to this,
so instead he played up that he was deserving of better than he got with Fang. He bitched and moaned about how much Fang sucked, but it wasn't like he was
all that helpful. About mid-season, he formed an alliance with Ace for absolutely no reason, which would've been one of the dumbest fucking moves ever had
Sugar not turned on Ace to go with Ken and Crystal. From then on, he was basically in the dominant alliance and got all preachy and self-righteous when Ken
turned on him (after Matty had turned on Crystal first). Seeing Crystal and Ken go out after Matty bitched and moaned about how much he hated them just
sickened me. In the end though, Sugar got the last laugh and completely OWNED the douchetwat by handing Bob the million instead and prevent the worst
non-Amber winner of all time. Seriously, he was basically the personality the Onions probably would've loved, had he wound up on Kota. Also, his marriage
proposal was one of the most vomit-inducing moments in Survivor history. Gag.
26. Jessica "Sugar" Kiper (Survivor: Gabon - 3rd Place)
It's hard to imagine how shitty this season would've been had Sugar not played the way she did. We've had so many dominant gamebots
in recent seasons, boring players like Parvati and Amanda, that it was actually really nice to see someone strategically dominant without a clue how to play
the game. She was like Lill, only with the sense to know that people didn't like or respect her. The entire season basically went how Sugar wanted it to,
and it was her decisions that shaped the course of the game, and that's pretty amazing for a girl who had no idea how to play Survivor, learned as she went
along, and was still recovering from the loss of her dad. We all remember what happened to Timber Tina when SHE was coping with loss, and Sugar made it a
helluvalot farther.
Early on, Sugar was viewed as this ditzy player that had no sense whatsoever, and maybe that assessment was accurate, but still, she aligned herself with Ace
and saved herself early on from being a target, at least in the beginning. From episode 3 to episode 7, Sugar was sent to Exile Island, and due to Dan's
failure to find the idol in episode 2, Sugar was able to find the idol easily and held onto it for the entire game without EVER being targetted to take it out.
On the swapped tribes, she made her first real change to the game, saving Crystal at the expense of her ally, Ace, and screwing Matty over for the first time.
Shortly after, she was the swing vote again at the merge, taking out boring Charlie before helping to provide us with one of the best moments of the season,
the Randy blindside. Seriously, the amount of laughter in that tribal council was awesome, and I'm a FAN of Randy. That brings up another important
point. Sugar had some of the BEST voting confessionals ever, either when she was completely destroying Randy, or actually referring to Ace as
"Ace-hole".
The rest of the game basically went however the fuck Sugar wanted it to go. She booted her evil step-sister, Corinne, took out Massive Crystal and Kenny the
Rat, and then in the ultimate fuck you to Matty, she tied the vote and gave Bob the win thanks to a fire-making competition. But Sugar wasn't done yet.
She went to the final tribal council and basically played EXACTLY like Courtney Yates before her, not really giving a shit about the game because she knew she
wouldn't win. Her flipping off Corinne after Corinne bitter little bitch speech was utterly hilarious and it was the perfect response. I may not have
liked all the moves Sugar made (after all, I loved Randy and Crystal), but Sugar was a fucking GREAT part of this season, and Gabon wouldn't have been
NEARLY as entertaining without her.
109. Susie Smith (Survivor: Gabon - 2nd Place)
Going into the final tribal council, if you told me that Susie would come within one vote of winning the entire game, I would've burst out
laughing. I mean, Susie got extremely screwed over by the editors this season, if she was to come in a close second place. It's really hard to talk about
Susie DURING the season, but outside of it, Susie was a really great person. I mean, she was funny pre-season, even if I thought she'd be annoying, but
she was also fiercely loyal to anyone who had been loyal to her. I thought she was just going to be another Denise who followed along and never did anything
to better her position, but she was responsible for the most shocking moment of the season, the blindside of front-runner Marcus at the final ten. Other than
that, Susie played well for someone who rode coattails, and she proved that despite not being physically fit, she was still a threat in challenges, having the
second best record behind Bob. Also, she's a real fan of the show and she handled herself extremely well in front of the jury, given how little game she
seemed to have.
2. Robert "Bob" Crowley (Survivor: Gabon - 1st Place)
I'm so sorry Peih-Gee goddess, but your spot has been taken. It's nothing personal, I swear. It's just that like Sandra, Bob was
someone I rooted for from the very first episode. He was an extremely nice guy who embraced the idea of survival, even if he wasn't much for the strategic
game. Hell, in the first episode, he made a fucking bench for no reason other than to say that he COULD. I mean, how awesome is that? Bob is certainly one
of the most unique contestants we've ever had. I mean, there've been old guys on the show before, and Yau-Man created an idol and won challenges, but
Bob wasn't like Yau-Man. He wasn't playing strategically and he was playing just because he loved being outdoors and he loved being out there for the
adventure.
Bob was one of the most interesting characters of the season, even if he was invisible for a good part of the season. He was always planning how to get ahead
in challenges and was key in many of his tribe's wins. Not bad for a 57-year-old man. He may not have been a great strategist, but he was a smart guy and
a lot of his challenge wins weren't because he was just strong, but because he was smart. Speaking of which, who would've guessed that a 57-year-old
physics teacher like Bob would actually be labelled one of the biggest PHYSICAL threats in the game? Seriously, the players were so afraid of him as a
physical challenger and yet he still got to the end of the game and WON. Not since Sandra have I rooted for and enjoyed the winner for an entire season.
Part of the reason why Bob was so great was because he was just so animated all the time. I mean, his facial expressions were so various and his emotions were
just so OUT THERE that it was amazing that someone like him got even halfway as far as he did. I mean, the man sobbed like a baby over his letter from home.
I don't mean crying. I mean blubbering sadness. And honestly, is there ANY other Survivor, aside from maybe Butch, that would've been excited enough
over an HERB GARDEN to pelvic thrust? Rubberman Bob was hilarious to watch and even if he didn't talk a lot, his expressions made up for that.
And how could I do a write-up for Bob without mentioning that the man made not one, but TWO hidden immunity idols, and NEITHER of them were a coconut with the
letters "I.I." painted on, or a stick with a face carved into it. I mean, the first idol Bob made was almost better than the ACTUAL hidden immunity
idol. The fact that Bob had enough ingenuity to create these idols using string from the Exile Island clues and bits and pieces of the set is just amazing to
me. And the best part is that BOTH of his fake idols saved his ass! The first one was used so that he was survive another round longer than Randy, and the
second one got Ken to make one of the dumbest moves of all time, thus taking out two of the biggest strategic threats in the game. Without that ingenuity, Bob
would've been gone at eight, or at best, at the final 4, but because of those idols, and the fact that he was always kind to Sugar, he was able to pull
himself into the final 3 and win the game, making him the second-most satisfying winner of all time.
Survivor Rankings
1. Sandra Diaz-Twine
2. Robert "Bob" Crowley
3. Peih-Gee Law
4. Amy O'Hara
5. Tracy Hughes-Wolf
6. Eliza Orlins
7. Randy Bailey
8. Angie Jakusz
9. Jonathan Penner
10. Cirie Fields
11. Courtney Yates
12. Judd Sergeant
13. Crystal Cox
14. Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien
15. Richard Hatch
16. Tom Buchanan
17. Michelle Yi
18. Helen Glover
19. Matthew von Ertfelda
20. Yau-Man Chan
21. Teresa Cooper
22. Chris Daugherty
23. Shane Powers
24. Courtney Marit
25. Clay Jordan
26. Jessica "Sugar" Kiper
27. Michael Skupin
28. Ami Cusack
29. Rob Cesternino
30. Tina Wesson
31. Bruce Kanegai
32. Shii Ann Huang
33. Dave Cruser
34. Kelly Wigglesworth
35. Sonja Christopher
36. Candice Woodcock
37. Paschal English
38. Lydia Morales
39. Leslie Nease
40. Anh-Tuan "Cao Boi" Bui
41. Lillian Morris
42. Rory Freeman
43. Billy Garcia
44. Greg Buis
45. Rupert Boneham
46. Tina Scheer
47. Ryan Shoulders
48. Terry Dietz
49. Alicia Callaway
50. Bobby Jon Drinkard
51. Anthony Robinson
52. Twila Tanner
53. Tom Westman
54. Tammy Leitner
55. Rafe Judkins
56. Kathleen Sleckman
57. Butch Lockley
58. James Miller
59. Rodger Bingham
60. Christa Hastie
61. Earl Cole
62. Jessica "Flica" Smith
63. Todd Herzog
64. Mike "Frosti" Zernow
65. Bobby Mason
66. Rudy Boesch
67. Ian Rosenberger
68. Gary Hogeboom
69. Kenward "Boo" Bernis
70. Robb Zbacnik
71. Gabriel Cade
72. Kim Johnson
73. Christy Smith
74. Jenna Morasca
75. Stephenie LaGrossa
76. Margaret Bobonich
77. Gretchen Cordy
78. Travis "Bubba" Sampson
79. Katie Gallagher
80. Coby Archa
81. Lea "Sarge" Masters
82. Colby Donaldson
83. Julie Berry
84. Ken Hoang
85. Brian Corridan
86. Jolanda Jones
87. Parvati Shallow
88. Gary Stritesky
89. Yul Kwon
90. Scout Cloud Lee
91. Jon "Jonny Fairplay" Dalton
92. Edgardo Rivera
93. Stacy Kimball
94. Cristina Coria
95. Sean Rector
96. Chad Crittenden
97. Danni Boatwright
98. James Clement
99. Deena Bennett
100. Trish Dunn
101. Gina Crews
102. Vecepia Towery
103. Colleen Haskell
104. Caryn Groedel
105. Brady Finta
106. Dan Barry
107. Erica Durousseau
108. Jamie Newton
109. Susie Smith
110. Hunter Ellis
111. Rob Mariano
112. Jerri Manthey
113. Erik Reichenbach
114. Andrew Savage
115. John Carroll
116. Kelly Goldsmith
117. Ace Gordon
118. Brandon Bellinger
119. Jean-Robert Bellande
120. Maralyn "Mad Dog" Hershey
121. Ken Stafford
122. Diane Ogden
123. Frank Garrison
124. Michelle Chase
125. Kelly Czarnecki
126. John Raymond
127. Elisabeth Filarski
128. Clarence Black
129. Liliana Gomes
130. Peter Harkey
131. Gervase Peterson
132. Ethan Zohn
133. Steve "Chicken" Morris
134. Sherea Lloyd
135. Michael "Mikey B" Bortone
136. Sue Hawk
137. Kel Gleason
138. Janu Tornell
139. Joel Klug
140. Nate Gonzalez
141. Brook Geraghty
142. Willard Smith
143. Jaime Dugan
144. Natalie Bolton
145. Zoe Zanidakis
146. Brooke Struck
147. Kimmi Kappenberg
148. Keith Famie
149. Carl Bilancione
150. Marcus Lehman
151. Aras Baskauskas
152. Kim Powers
153. Darrah Johnson
154. Jim Lynch
155. Wanda Shirk
156. Stephannie Favor
157. Cassandra Franklin
158. Dan Kay
159. Silas Gaither
160. Jason Siska
161. B.B. Andersen
162. Alex Angarita
163. Dolly Neely
164. Danielle DiLorenzo
165. Cindy Hall
166. Sundra Oakley
167. Ashley Massaro
168. Jake Billingsley
169. Misty Giles
170. Patricia Jackson
171. Sylvia Kwan
172. Paloma Soto-Castillo
173. Chet Welch
174. Jeff Varner
175. Tijuana Bradley
176. Leann Slaby
177. Stacey Stillman
178. Sally Schumann
179. Tanya Vance
180. Sekou Bunch
181. Gillian Larson
182. Nicole Delma
183. Ramona Gray
184. Janet Koth
185. Jenna Lewis
186. Neleh Dennis
187. Penny Ramsey
188. Cecilia Mansilla
189. Gregg Carey
190. Aaron Reisberger
191. Erik Huffman
192. Dave Johnson
193. Nick Brown
194. John Palyok
195. Blake Towsley
196. Austin Carty
197. Jeff Wilson
198. Ryan Aiken
199. Brad Virata
200. Ryan Opray
201. Nick Stanbury
202. Charlie Herschel
203. Dirk Been
204. Jed Hildebrand
205. Jonathan Libby
206. Jacquie Berg
207. Mary Sartain
208. Adam Gentry
209. Robert DeCanio
210. Ibrehem Rahman
211. Matty Whitmore
212. Alex Bell
213. Daniel Lue
214. JP Calderon
215. Rita Verreos
216. Ruth Marie Milliman
217. Jessica deBen
218. Jenn Lyon
219. Jan Gentry
220. Danny "GC" Brown
221. Linda Spencer
222. Ted Rogers Jr.
223. Mitchell Olsen
224. Stephanie Dill
225. Michelle Tesauro
226. Jessie Camacho
227. Erin Collins
228. Becky Lee
229. Alexis Jones
230. Ozzy Lusth
231. Joel Andersen
232. Shawn Cohen
233. Andria "Dreamz" Herd
234. Burton Roberts
235. Jeanne Hebert
236. Brian Heidik
237. Heidi Strobel
238. Debb Eaton
239. Mia Galeotalanza
240. Lisa Keiffer
241. Shawna Mitchell
242. Rebecca Borman
243. Brandon Quinton
244. John Kenney
245. Sean Kenniff
246. Ashlee Ashby
247. Melinda Hyder
248. Morgan McDevitt
249. Brianna Varela
250. Sarah Jones
251. Kim Mullen
252. Roger Sexton
253. Jenny Guzon-Bae
254. Lindsey Richter
255. Amanda Kimmel
256. Amber Brkich
257. Denise Martin
258. Ghandia Johnson
259. Lex van den Berghe
260. Mookie Lee
261. JoAnna Ward
262. James "Rocky" Reid
263. Lisi Linares
264. Corinne Kaplan
265. Osten Taylor
