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Twitch and Courtney start off the night with a hip hop number (gee, one hip hop number a night in the past two weeks and both go to Twitch? How random). This is yet another Nappy Tabs routine, and it appears that while they have done some terrific work this season, they have also been Crappy Tabs and issued forth the shittiest hip hop routines the show has ever seen. It appears that humor is their great nemesis (I refuse to use the phrase "Achilles Heel", because that would imply they have but one small but exploitable weakness). On one hand, you have pieces like No Air and Bleeding Love that wear their hearts on their sleeve and work fabulously. Then there's the more straigt forward Party People routine with Mark & Comfort that was the best pure hip hop routine this season. But when they try to be funny, you get stuff like last week's Control number (still the worst ever), this week's shitbomb, and Rayven pulls Jamie's pants down in week one. Some people just aren't funny -- Nappy Tabs just have to accept that. And the judges' Twitch pimping begins right now. As shit sucky as it was, the judges are falling over themselves and touting it as awesome. BTW, nice one handed catch of Courtney on the failed no-hands helicopter spin. If he hadn't stuck his arm out like that, she would have flown into the audience. Very Superman-like.

What sounded awesome paper (Josh & Katee & WADE ROBSON!) was merely really good (although easily the best of the night). I found the choreo a bit on the bland side, like a song without a memorable hook. But it was the best performed piece of the evening by a mile, although with Twitch in all but three dances, there wasn't much competition. As good as it was, there were at least ten other dances I'd rather see instead from this season, and if this is the best you can do for the final performance show, this hot tamale train has jumped the tracks.

They simply must stop Tyce from doing his wretched Broadway stylings. Every single one has been fail, and the one that was palatable was through Katee and Joshua's sheer energy. No such energy was present tonight, a torpid affair with parasols that left me as sleepy as Katee and Courtney danced it. Flouncing around the stage whilst juggling props, they appeared to be more concerned about not dropping shit than dancing. Although to be fair, it's not like Tyce did them any favors. Amorphous and shitty.

The boys routine, on the other hand, was dynamic. Amorphous and shitty, but dynamic. There was little musicality or really even any choreography to be seen, as it was more like a Russian version of You Got Served, where Josh and Twitch traded off tricks as if they were in a dance off. It was called a Trepak, and I imagined the choreographer in full Boris Badenov accent barking, "den you, Tvitch, you do trick now, den you, Squir-rel, you do trick efter dat", over and over again. At least, that's what it looked like. As a dance, it was just a bag of potatoes.

And now it's the time of the evening, ladies and gentlemen, when one of the girls does a prop dance, using a Twitch as some sort of hatrack or coat stand. Tonight, Katee danced what was billed as a "foxtrot" around and over Twitch, who basically just stood there. You know that part of the foxtrot where they're in open hold and whisk across stage with fancy footwork? You know, the "trot" part? They didn't do it. It's like doing a samba without any samba rolls. Aside from one big lift at the end (and props to Twitch for actually nailing a lift for the first time this season), Twitch didn't do anything but move his head around to spot Katee. He was Katee's prop throughout. It was Adam Shankman's proverbial mannequin dance come to life. And the judges? Lurrrved it. Twitch was all sorts of awesome in their eyes. He really should win So You Think You Can Just Stand There (because he totally can). You know, they way the judges willfully ignore anything negative when it comes to Twitch is like that kind of mother who looks at her son in full makeup and a dress with Judy Garland posters all over his room and doesn't realize he's gay. Is it the master plan or are they so hell bent on hving him win that they don't even see how terrible he looks out there?

Rounding out the couple dances was Josh and Courtney's Jive. Now, I have expressed how much admire Jason Gilkison's ballroom choreography in the past, but it just wasn't happening for me this week. Rather than jive, this seemed more like a lindy hop, with little holding and lots of tricks where Josh throws around Courtney. The retractions were so poor that I didn't even realize they had performed them until Mary pointed out how poor they were. Still, why did they schedule this high energy dance until after each dancer had gone three times? Both performers looked too tired to pull this off, and the judges had to have known this was the worst spot in the evening for Josh to get this. I smell sabotage.

And then, if the dancers weren't falling over themselves with exhaustion enough (well, except for Twitch, who was well rested from doing nothing during his foxtrot), the four do some random, uninteresting Mia piece that was more notable for kilts than dancing. This was easily the weakest thing she's done all season, although part of my distaste may have had a lot to do with the piss poor camera work and editing that made it impossible to follow what was going on, and Josh and Courtney were ass dragging through a lot of it. And if it wasn't already abundantly clear that Twitch is The Chosen One, Mary takes the time to point out how especially wonderful Twitch was and doesn't even mention Josh's name. Sabotage!

I hope the results show is enetertaing in all he ways the performance show was so lacking. But then again, when Twitch made the final four, that conclusion was foregone. I suspect that Twitch will win tonight, and I've made my peace with it. At some point last night, I started rooting for Twitch to win -- I have spent months, Cassandra-like, saying that Twitch was TCO and that Twitch had limited to no partnering skills and didn't really belong on the stage with everyone else. But to be a true Cassandra, simply having no one take you seriously isn't enough. No, to be a real Cassandra, your dire predicitions have to come true. And in the truly petty spirit of, "I told you so", I am hoping that Twitch wins, just so I can say:

I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.