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Dad ordered them. Yeah, he caved.

They arrived and Mom was furious. "Junk!" she exclaimed.

"Uh-huh," I said.

"And there's no return information in the box! Isn't that sneaky?"

I agreed that it was, indeed, very sneaky.

"Can you look it up for me on the computer? See if they have a phone number I can call or an address or something."

I looked it up "on the computer." Mom got a return authorization, and the Shamwows are now gone, gone, gone. Money not-so-cheerfully refunded, but refunded all the same.

"Your father has a thousand real chamois as it is and he doesn't even keep them nice. They're all stained because he uses them on the tires!"

I explained that he uses them on the rims, not the actual tires, but that it would be prudent of him to make sure the rims were really clean before drying with the chamois, but Mom wanted to be mad at him for making the chamois dirty no matter what I said, so I let it go.