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Okay to continue on CR's question, I thought the damn magician was gonna come up and I didn't want to lose what I had written. Sorry for the premature postulation.

When we first got dropped off and the favs started coming out, Jeff was asking all of us questions. He asked me "Kathy, you almost got on Vanauatu. How did you feel after watching the show?"

I said "Well, I was kinda glad I didn't get on because turns out, there were a couple of lesbians on the show and I would've felt kind of uncomfortable"

Guess what Jeff says next.......Here's Ami from Vanauatu!!

That should explain the glare she had on her face as she came around the corner. I was so set up. Well, when we lost the first reward challenge, and they had to send someone to exile, Penner says "We're sending Kathy. The lesbian hater" Now you know why my jaw dropped when I looked over at him.

Luckily, all the planets were aligned that day and I got to go with Cirie, who in my opinion is one of the most nurturing, funny, supportive woman I have ever met. I was, of course, crying when I got on the boat and she took my hand and patted my leg and said "Don't cry sweetie, we'll be just fine. I'll take care of you. Aras showed me how to make fire and we'll be fine" I'm like "bwaahahahaha, Penner said I hate lesbians. I don't hate lesbians or anyone" (also, Joel said to me in the Clutch Cargo style before I left: You better not tell her anything about what's going on at camp or I'll kill ya.

We get to exile and I told her I can't tell her about anything, she gives me the Cirie eyebrow and that's all it took. I spilled everything. We can't use the machete, we only get one sip of water, the shelter collapsed, they won't let us help, they tell us we don't know anything, we're weak, and we are the first three to go blah blah blah. She says "Whaaaaaat?? Are you serious????" And I explained about the lesbian comment. I told her I haven't been exposed to to many gay people and I thought that if a lesbian saw me naked it would be like being naked in front of a man. And by that I mean that it would feel sexual in nature, and, well you've seen me, I'm not too comfortable with the body god gave me, and I prefer it to be very dimly lit when I'm naked. So it really is MY problem with ME being uncomfortable with MYSELF. (I sure hope I'm explaining this right)

Cirie went back and explained it to everyone, and because she was sooo nice to me, that is why I worked so hard to find the idol. Cirie is not very comfortable in water over her head and I helped her and told her that I wouldn't let nothing happen to her in the water. I made a promise to Cirie that I wouldn't help anyone else find the clues, and I told the camera guy that I felt horrible for decieving Ami about the clues, but I had made a promise and out there, my word was all I had. Ami is a beautiful wonderful free spirit girl and we spent an excruciating night on exile in that storm. There was no where to go to hide from the rain. The camera fried in an hour in that rain and they couldn't get any footage of it. Damn. I knew the idol was on exile, so when I was there with Ozzy I acted like I didn't care about the idol so that he would leave. Do you really think I didn't see him dive off that platform. While he was gone I looked hard for that idol. I also knew he had found it. Camera men don't run that fast for nothing. I did NOT know that he made a fake one though and that was brilliant.