This is just a quick summary of a long article and not the details. Only read the full article if you don't value your breakfast, lunch or dinner.
http://www.alternet.org/sex/90855/?page=entire
We are both middle-aged women who have spent the past 11 months sleeping around Craigslist.
It takes a woman about a thousand words and a condom to get laid on Craigslist. But for a woman to be laid properly -- by a passionate lover who knows what he's doing -- well, that's a whole different ball game.
Anna decided to try Craigslist because she found other online dating sites too silly. Now, despite her wrinkles and middle-age spread, she "dates" a multitude of guys. But they aren't really dates. "We don't go places together; they sometimes buy lunch but just as often they don't. I'm sleeping with them. Actually, that's a euphemism; we have sex." With a lover whose bad back has him on the injured reserve list, Anna knows what to do: click on "Casual Encounters" and start the e-mail banter that almost always leads to a meeting. "I don't have a boyfriend," she says, "I have a team roster."
What kind of sex did we find? Some of the lovemaking was wonderful, a lot of it was initially awkward but got better as time went on, and some of it was downright disastrous. Upending the notion of "Casual Encounters" -- as Craigslist dubs its "Just Looking to Get Laid Tonight" category -- we both discovered that casual sex is anything but.
Finally, there's the zany sitcom a woman's life becomes when she's juggling multiple lovers: scheduling dates; trying to keep personal data straight on each man; finding enough time after work to shave her legs, dye her hair, exfoliate her skin, apply mascara, and MapQuest the planned meeting spot.
1) A lot of men want to screw Sarah Silverman. (Three lovers told Lily the potty-mouthed comedian was their "fantasy fuck.")
2) With ads for people over forty, add at least five years and ten pounds to the photo. That way, when the older and heavier date shows up, you won't be as disappointed. This rule is as applicable to men as it is to women.
3) Men have a tendency to overreport the number of sex partners they have had. Women underreport.
4) You better have a good memory if you want to date a lot. In case you don't, call everybody "honey" to avoid mix-ups and make a cheat sheet on each with the name of their dog, their favorite movies, wines, and sexual positions. Failure to take notes will make pillow talk a minefield. If you are compulsive, go ahead and make a chart.
5) Promise little, deliver much.
What we found
For a heterosexual woman who wants to get safely laid, there's a fully stocked candy store on Craigslist waiting to be robbed blind. On a recent Sunday night there were 1,000 men in the Bay Area looking for one woman, any woman.
Most of the ads were written in a vulgar and tasteless style which didn't even tempt an answer. For instance: "I often travel and find myself bored in a hotel room and not really interested in another half-assed handjob from some pregnant meth-head for $100. ... So, I'm doing something very uncharacteristic: thinking ahead." This man seemed to be looking for women to meet him in his hotel room the next time he was in town. His ad said he was "well-versed in the appropriate acts and mechanics" and able to "control myself so that everyone has a good time." But though we like a man who is proud of his skills, he pissed us off by equating us with hookers. And his characterization of prostitutes as "pregnant meth-heads" is incredibly offensive.
Neither of us ran our own ads; it was more fun to see what the guys were offering. Lily answered ads in the Men Seeking Women section while Anna looked in Casual Encounters. Anna was okay with the explicit nature of that milieu, and the ratio of men to women worked in her favor. Anna thinks like a guy anyway: have sex first; if that works out, see if love follows.
The life lessons
Lily dated Luke exclusively in the past few months. Their love grew deeper when, in April, Luke was handed an unexpected diagnosis of kidney disease. What started out as casual sex on a boat in the Berkeley Marina, ended up as friendship caught fire. Hearts can and will be broken when sleeping around Craigslist. And in love, just as in life, there are no guarantees.
Anna remains in the game full-time. We are publishing under pseudonyms to protect our kids and our day jobs, not because we have shame. Truth is, we are grateful to be having the passionate sex we missed when we were younger. We thank the men and women we have met on our journeys. And we share the real list of what we've learned:
Be yourself.
Trust your body and your intuition.
Be honest with your feelings.
Practice safe sex.
"No" is a complete sentence.
Have fun.
