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15. Boron Boys (Tom, Lex, Ethan)



Memorable Quote(s):
"I can forgive, but I don't forget." -Tom (about Clarence)
"It was a switch. Everything I had worked for, all the bonds I had made, my two closest friends, are now gone. I am going to have to start over." -Ethan
"You won this, right? This was a reward, right? It's not a punishment, or a hazing?" -Lex (to Ethan)
"My goal was in three days to figure out who cast that mystery vote. After putting two and two together, it became really evident that my worst fears were true. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Kelly has turned." -Lex
"We're shooting a harpoon shot that it's Kelly. It's hard for me to go against my tribemate, and I like little Kelly, but all indications are it's her. We really haven't got anything that's concrete. Nothing concrete except Lex's gut instinct." -Tom
"He's a Jew! He's a Jew! He won't eat the ham!" -Tom
"In camp I lost a little bit of weight, and it was because of the mush. Ethan, if a hyena came through camp... and he ate our mush... and then after he ate it if he turned around and licked his hind end... did he do it because that was the animal instinct? Or because to get the taste of the mush out of his mouth?" -Tom


Many years ago, I was channel searching, and I stopped to watch a tattooed man sitting in the middle of nowhere. I think he was talking to someone, I can't really remember, but I was enamored. Not by the concept of this show that I had no idea what it was called, but just by this guy sitting in a group with a whole bunch of tattoos. I later found out I was watching an episode of Survivor. I think it was the final 5 episode of Africa, an episode that is widely considered to be one of the worst of all time. I didn't get the chance to watch the entire episode, but I was desperately wanting to find the show and watch it again. I found the final 6 episode of Marquesas randomly (which was my first full episode of the show) before looking it up and making sure I would be there to watch the Thailand premiere the very next season.

Anyways, I didn't get the chance to watch Africa until a long time after it aired, but when I did, Lex was my early favorite due to this episode. Yes, I had seen him on All Stars, but I didn't care. I still don't care what anyone says because he was awesome during Africa. In episode two, he was allied with two others who turned out to be pretty great. An incredibly nice Jewish professional soccer player who helped kick Silas's ass to the curb, and a goat farming hick from Virginia who made hilarious comments on pretty much everything. The most paranoid player in Survivor history, a man who misses chessburgers more than his own family, and a charity worker with long hair working together was great. I mean these three together were pretty damn diverse.

Early on in Africa, Clarence ate more than his rations to say the least. Big Tom was not happy, and he proceeded to give him warning votes at every tribal council before the swap. A genius strategic decision with past votes being the tiebreaker, but who watches these shows for strategic purposes? I mean we all love a good blindside, but they are nothing without character development. We were lucky enough to meet all three of these guys.

When the swap occurred, Ethan was separated from his two allies, but Tom and Lex were able to stay alive along with Kelly on their new tribe. Even with Kelly bashing Lex in pretty hilarious fashion, the three stuck out living with three lazy pieces of shit. And if they can survive living with the Mall Rats, then they can do anything.

At the merge, the group was reunited, and Clarence needed to go for some reason. Lex said it was because he was too big of a threat, but Big Tom may have still been mad about the cherries and beans. Anyways, Clarence voted for Lex as payback, and luckily for all of us, Teresa voted with him. Thanks to the best twist in Survivor history, past votes ( http://survivorsucks.com/...SHED-.html#reply-3469415 ), Lex freaked out to say the least. He went on a huge witch hunt to find the snake/rat/whatever. Since T-bird was such a likable person, Lex never suspected that she would be the one to do it, and his new target switched to Kelly in one of the worst strategic moves ever. The rest the group along with Kim J. followed, and for some reason, Brandon joined in to make it a 5-4 vote.That episode wasn't only about a stray vote, though, because Ethan won the chance to go to an African village where they ate French Fries, haggled with locals, and...sold goats.

The next episode, Samburu once again couldn't come together, and it gave a perfect opportunity for the Boron Boys to walk to the end. After Brandon left, we got to see Ethan and Tom share an item in the food auction (a video which I'll post right after this update), which I have to say was funny as hell. Thank you Big Tom for reminding us that Jews don't eat ham. There was another opportunity for the boys getting overthrown, but Kim J. was a strategic moron. They made the final 4, and they should have made the final 3 together had production not screwed up the fallen comrades challenge. Then, Ethan's cameraman threw up during the final 3 immunity challenge, so Kim J lucked her way into the finals. I wasn't too happy about it, but at least Ethan won fairly easily.

While I liked all three of these guys tremendously during Africa, they were strategically retarded for the most part. Lex was the best by a long shot, and he made a couple pretty big errors. Also, while Lex was my favorite at the start, I ended up liking a few other people even better than this trio, and I would have been very happy to see a shake up in the game. When it didn't come to fruitition, I wasn't complaining too much because Ethan was a really likable winner.






















14. Matt and Jenna



Memorable Quote: "The plan is, if I win tomorrow's Immunity Challenge I will take Jenna with me in the final two. I will either honor that plan, or do some major backstabbing." -Matthew


As I've said many times before, I despised Jenna during Amazon. I hated her with a passion, yet she is in an alliance that makes the top 15? How? Well, Matthew von Ertfelda is my favorite castaway of all time. I think that has a little bit to do with it.

At many points during Amazon, Matt was made fun of for being either naive or crazy. Understandable. Matt has admitted to being naive early in the game, and the term crazy might be an understatement. Still, everyone is naive at one point in their life. They will continue being naive in a field until someone teaches them the basics of whatever it is. This field is Survivor. The teacher was Rob Cesternino. He had taken Matt under his wing for a little while in the game. He saw him as a dumbass who could catch fish. An easy vote to have if you will. Oh yeah, and most of all, an easy person to beat in the finals.

As the game progressed, Rob and Matt grew closer and closer together. What Rob didn't know is that he was actually teaching Matt how to play the game. The mastermind was teaching the psychotic killer what to do. Remember when Rob taught Matt to throw some challenges to not look like too much of a threat? Guess what he did at the final three.

Rob taught him how to play the game of Survivor, and when Jenna won immunity at the final 4, he did just that. At that point, Matt had already fooled both Rob and Butch into thinking he wanted them in the finals. Since he already had two deals on the table, he went to Jenna to make a third. They agreed to go to the finals together. This deal helped Jenna make it unanimous for Butch at the final 4 instead of bringing the purple rock into play.

Was Matt really going to honor the deal he made with Jenna? Who knows, and who cares? He didn't have to because he delliberately threw the final challenge. He set himself up perfectly to go to the finals with both of them, and he did not want the blood on his hands. Jenna beat Rob like she should have, and Matt won 5-2 in the finals. Only losing Heidi and Alex's votes to Jenna. We all celebrated the best winner in Survivor history, and no one punched their TVs like I did when I found out Matt really lost.

I need to say one more time that Jenna's win was complete bullshit. How could Matt's epic underdog story fail? The correct answer is social game, but we're not going to side against Mateo. This end game alliance was magical to say the least, and it was the one time I liked Jenna during Amazon. I like her for everything else she has done on All Stars and Survivor Live, but I know I was not the only one pissed off at the end result.




The 13 remaining:

Tagi 4 (Richard, Rudy, Sue, Kelly)
Mike, Elisabeth, Rodger, Jeff, Alicia, Nick
Samburu elders (Carl, Frank, Teresa, Linda)
Kathy, Sean, Neleh, Vecepia, Paschal
Rob and Kathy
Christy, Matt, Rob, Butch
Rudy and Rupert
Eliza, Chris, Scout, Twila
Stephenie and Bobby Jon
Yaxha 4 (Gary, Danni, Brandon, Bobby Jon)
Misty and Sally
Natalie, Alexis, Amanda, Parvati, Cirie
Crystal, Sugar, Ken, Susie, Matty