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SURVIVOR: REALITY STARS

Episode 01: "The Breast Is Yet To Come"


It was the muggiest of muggy days in Northern Brazil. November had arrived quite unexpectedly, and with it, summer season in all its hot, sweaty glory. Jeff Probst was standing in the middle of a sandy beach in the state of Ceará, overlooking a large chunk of the Atlantic Ocean.
He was on Ilha Dos Anjos, or Angel Island, the backdrop for the latest installment of Survivor.
"I am standing in the middle of one of the last uninhabited locations in Brazil," he said to the camera, "Angel Island, off the coast of the state of Ceará. Soon, eighteen of Reality Television's most memorable personalities will be stranded here, left to fend for themselves and forced to create a new society, while battling the elements and each other.""
It was the same tired speech he'd delivered seventeen times before. He looked utterly bored.

"39 days...18 people.......1 Survivor."
___________________________________________________________________

To call them "Reality Superstars" was an enourmous stretch. A few had made quite successful careers out of their reality show appearances, but the vast majority had succumbed back into obscurity and some were so unmemorable that the hosts of their own respective shows didn't remember them.And yet here they were, eager to dive back into the superficial plastic world of Reality Television. They came in all shapes and sizes, with varying amounts of baggage and very little actual luggage.

Eight men and eight women walked onto the beach from either side of Jeff. Divided by gender, they made their way across the white sand and stood, women on his right, men on his left, waiting for instructions.
"Welcome," Jeff said, "To Survivor: Reality Stars. The sixteen of you have all previously endured very different and unique experiences, and the way you fared on your individual shows had indirectly led you here."
The castaways listened intently. "You might have excelled at business, or singing, or solving mysteries, but this time you'll have to survive the wild. So it is just fitting that I assist you in your survival.""
He grinned, looked behind him and shouted. "COME ON IN, GUYS!"
A few trees moved, and from behind the foliage came two very well known Survivor contestants: Rupert Boneham and Stephenie LaGrossa.
"Ew, Poopert," said Janelle.
"Everyone, please welcome Rupert and Stephenie," said Jeff, "They know this game inside and out, and can either be an asset or a hindrance to you. They are here to provide assistance, but they are also players in this game, eligible to win the grand prize. Use them for their skills or dispose of them as you see fit. The choice is yours.""
Following instructions given by Jeff, Stephenie joined the women on the right. Rupert walked over to the men on the left.
"Now, for your tribes."
Jeff reached into his pocket and pulled out eighteen buffs: Nine yellow, nine purple.
"You have already been divided into men and women," Jeff stated, "And as much fun as that'd be, we've done it twice already. Here's how it's gonna work:"
He explained the process to the castaways.
"You have two minutes to talk amongst yourselves and decide on one man to move over to the girls' side, and one lady to join the men."
"Me!" shouted Stephenie, "I wanna do it! Me! Send me!""
"To add one more topic to this discussion, keep in mind that the person who is selected to change teams will be given immunity for the first Tribal Council they attend during their stay."
"OH MY GOD ME!" Stephenie screamed, "It HAS to be me! PLEASE GOD ME!"
"Don't say the Lord's name in vain!" barked Mama Weaver.
"Why do you wanna go over so badly anyway?" said Omarosa.
"Because I want the immunity," said Stephenie, "And an all-woman's team is retarded."
Omarosa gave her a look as if to say "Bitch, please" but kept her mouth shut.
"How will Stephenie's decision to move to the women's side affect the female group?" said Julie Chen, pressing a button that was hooked up to nothing and talking directly to the cameras, "But first, who will the men select to move over, and how will this important decision affect the game. Find out live in two minutes."
"It's one minute now," said Janelle.
"Can we hurry dis shit up?" said Juanita, "I be sweatin like a fat ho."

The men were no more organized.
"Guys," said Alan, "If you take my name put the first A after the last L, that spells Lana. That's a chick's name, which means I should be the one to go."
"We already have a girl," said Rupert, "Let's send her!"
"Excuse me!" said Clay, "I'm male!"
"Oh," said Rupert apologetically, "Sorry."
"Sam, what do you think?"
But Sam didn't answer. He was sleeping soundly on the sandy ground.

Eventually, amidst much heated discussion, the two minutes passed and Jeff interrupted the conversations. "Guys, who will it be?"
The men decided to send Jim, the obnoxious contestant from The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, to the female side.

JIM: I wanted to go to the girls' side because females are much easier to manipulate. Plus, five more minutes with Marcellas and I would've been arrested for assault and battery.

The females, to nobody surprise, sent Stephenie.
"It was a mutual decision," said Omarosa, "Very, VERY mutual."

STEPHENIE: I got what I wanted, which is a strong, strong team full of guys. No offense, but I couldn't deal with eight other women for 39 days. That'd be retarded.

OMAROSA: I'm so glad we got rid of her, because five minutes into this thing and she was already giving me more of a headache than that plaster droplet ever did.

JANELLE: I didn't really care if we kept Stephenie or not. I'm just thankful they sent us Jim and not Poopert. He fucking sucks.

"So, we have to good tribes?" Jeff asked.
All nodded. "Well, then."
He pulled two woven bags out of his pockets, each containing nine colored buffs. The bag containing yellow buffs went to the women and Jim. "You are the Iara tribe, named after the Brazilian goddess of Water."
The men and Stephenie all got purple buffs. "You guys are the Caipora Tribe, name the for Brazilian god of fire."
"Ooh," said Marcellas as he put on his new buff, "I'm loving this lavender!"
Jeff then handed each team a map.
"Follow these to your camp sites. This game is officially on."
And with that, the teams headed in opposite directions.
"Bye, Fafu!" Janelle shouted, "You're such a meatloaf!"
Scott flipped her the bird.

IARA TRIBE




CAIPORA TRIBE




___________________________________________________________________

DAY ONE

IARA CAMP

Even despite Angel Island's relatively small circumference, Iara's hike to camp took them a good portion of the afternoon. The supplies they had been given - crates with rice and soup cans, water canteens, some rope and a tarp - were heavier than any of them expected. Jim volunteered to carry most of the heavy things, while the women helped in their own individual ways. Charla did the bulk of the work by carrying the lid of a large crate on her head; April tried to juggle her own bag and a piece of rope as she only had two hands and one was being used to feverishly pick her nose; Janelle carried the heavy tarp with Julie Chen; Widow Weaver tried to help by asking God to "Please make this load lighter," while Omarosa refused to carry anything because she claimed to have a concussion.

"Wasn't that, like, two years ago?" Janelle asked.
"Look at the pot calling the kettle black!" Omarosa barked, covering her forehead with her sizeable left hand in an attempt to demonstrate pain.
Juanita and Kathy, by far the two weakest people on the team, were too taken aback by the heat and the phenomenom of sweat as a result of physical activity to help much at all.

KATHY: Last time I signed up for a Reality Show I had a terrible time and looked horrendous, but I won. I figured the more I suffer, the more money I get, so this time I plan to make myself miserable.

JUANITA: Dat hike to da camp site made mah bunion all swollen!

She wasn't exaggerating. Trailing behind the rest of her tribe, Juanita looked as if Simon Cowell had become president and cancelled Thanksgiving.
"Oh mah gawd," she cried, "I's about to collasp!"
"Collapse..." Omarosa sighed.

After four hours of intense heat and moderate walking, the Iara tribe finally spotted their yellow flag on the beach. They set down their supplies and celebrated for a brief moment.
Juanita collapsed.

LINDA WEAVER: I can't believe I'm living in Brazil for 39 days. You know, I've always wanted to visit Europe, but I never thought it would actually come true! Thank the Lord!

From the moment they stepped onto the beach it was obvious that Jim, Janelle and Charla were the only Iaras who actually did any work. Linda (whom the team had taken to calling "Widow Weaver") and April did their share at irregular intervals, while the rest of the team was completely useless.

JIM: These women are spoiled, they are weak, and their minds aren't in this game. So I've made it my responsibility to shape them into my personal army. I'm General Jim, Janelle's Lieutenant, Charla's the colonel, and the rest are measly cadets.

"So," Jim said as he approached Janelle, "What do you say? Me, you, Charla, we get two more people and make it to the final 5?"
"That sounds good, I guess," said Janelle, "Have you talked to Charla?"
"Si, Señor," said Charla. She had been standing next to Janelle, who hadn't noticed her.
"I think I can get April," Janelle said, "She's still so ashamed about that whole Friendship ordeal that she might just be willing to work with me."

JANELLE: I don't fully trust Jim at all. I think he's selfish and I think he'd screw me at the first opportunity he got, but really - who's dumb enough to turn down an alliance on the first day?

April, as expected, agreed almost at once to be a part of the alliance. "Oh mah gawsh, y'all, ah just hope this time I'm in the popular alliance.""
"Fat chance, Busto." Jim joked.
"Ah swear, y'all, we have such a good group of people, if America doesn't like our alliance the most then they are all pieces of shit!""
"Are we talking about bowel movements or am I interrupting something important?""
Kathy had overheard April's overly loud comments, and thus the foursome was forced to include her in the alliance.

And the five shook hands and vowed, for the time being, to be loyal to each other. The first alliance of the game had been born.

The sheer amount of testosterone in the Caipora tribe meant their hike to camp was much quicker and less troublesome than Iara's. Alan, Colin, Scott, Rupert and Stephenie carried most of the weight. Sam had begged to help them, but Colin told him to fuck off and Rupert simply patted him on the back (after which Sam swore never to shower again). Marcellas was clearly annoyed by how shiny the Brazilian humidity made him look, and was using Dewberry's luxury item (an apron) to wipe his forehead clean.
Halfway through the trek Alan decided to remove his shirt, which caused Marcellas, Dewberry and Clay, all of whom had been trailing behind the rest of the tribe thus far, to suddenly sprint to the front of the pack in order to catch a closer look.

They spotted their purple flag in less than two hours, and before they even put their bags down Stephenie began barking orders.

"Ok, the latrine goes right there," she pointed, "We did it in Palau. If we put it there, only the north half of the camp smells like ass. Colin, don't put that box there. Rupert, climb that tree and fetch both coconuts. Dewberry, lose weight!"

DEWBERRY: I swear, I'm all for havin' a leader, but that girl just...ooooh…..she was screamin' and barkin' orders and I....I could not contain my hefty bein', I got the vapors!

MARCELLAS: HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!

CLAY: Stephenie is definitely the leader of this team. It doesn't bother me in the least. For this first beginning part, I'm trying to stay completely Invisible. Ha ha, get it?

As he said that, two Claymates who had been hiding in a bush nearby giggled and were asked to please kindly leave the island as they were not allowed to be there and were interfering with the production.

For all of Stephenie's bravado in delegating tasks, however, she was anything but competent, and it showed in the shelter the directed the team to build, which was anything but protective. Rupert had dug an enormous hole in the ground, around which Alan and Colin placed bamboo poles. Stephenie was so busy telling people what to do that she forgot her own task (finding palm fronds for coverage), and thus the shelter had no roof.
"Well, that sucks!" said Scott as he leaned against one of the shelter's walls.
It collapsed.
"Um, boys," said Marcellas coyly, "We'll take over from here."

Putting his design skills to the test, Marcellas took over for Stephenie in directing the team, and before Dewberry could say "vapors" the team had built a sturdy shelter, complete with rock garden, benches decorated with wild lilies and a dining room table made of a crate top garnished with wild berries.

RUPERT: It was a miracle. The minute Marcellas took over the shelter it began to look like home.

STEPHENIE: Marcellas is so gay. This whole team is gay. Why couldn't I have been on the girls' team? Those girls are strong. I don't wanna complain and whine, but that is how I feel. But of course, I will never let any of them hear me saying that.

She, of course, didn't mean that.

"Why couldn't I have been on the girls' team?" Stephenie complained to Rupert, "Those girls are strong. I don't wanna complain and whine, but that is how I feel."
"Don't let your dreams die," said Rupert.

The shelter Marcellas organized was a much better effort than the one Stephenie directed. Rupert had refilled the hole he dug, and Colin and Alan built a sturdy wall of bamboo, which Clay decorated with stick figures made out of twigs that resembled children. Dewberry collected wild berries and began making cold stew.

MARCELLAS: It was important for me to be comfortable with my surroundings, but it was also important to show Stephenie that nobody is perfect...well, sans me, but we already knew that, right?

Finally satisfied with their shelter, the team went to bed early that evening. They had an immunity challenge the following day, and were determined to beat Iara.

JUANITA: Oh mah god, last night I was cryin'' mah eyeballs out cuz my back hurt so bad! Dat shelta gots to go.

Juanita wasn't the only one who had a rough night. Omarosa was positively disgruntled, and had resorted to pouting in a corner, occasionally mumbling words like "racists" and "strong black woman" but mostly keeping to herself. Kathy looked horrified and miserable but thoroughly pleased with her intense suffering, while April was complaining that her extended tailbone got caught in between two sections of the bamboo and now her whole butt was hurting. Janelle refused to get out of ben until almost noon, and the lack of sleep was making Jim lose his voice.
"Dang," said Juanita, "You be talkin' like a geriatric frog!"

Treemail arrived an hour after lunch, which had consisted of a half a bowl of rice each and had left everyone disappointed. Charla read it.

"Swim, run, catch dive
Grab the things that keep you alive
Jump, hike, throw, float
And you'll sure avoid the vote"

"Ooh, yay, bathing suits," said Janelle.
"You say that now," said Jim, "Wait till you see Dewberry with his shirt off.""
"Ah gots ta git wet??????" Juanita complained, "But what about mah weave?!""
"Dear Lord," prayed Mama Weaver, "Please let Juanita's weave repel water. Amen.""

JUANITA: Ah wuz all worried cuz mah weave wuz gon' git wet, but Widow Weaver did her voodoo thang to God and now I's gon' repel the water!

Before the challenge, Jim gave the team a pep talk. (Omarosa chose not to participate in the huddle)
"Girls," he said, "We get out there, we fight hard, we do whatever we have to do to make sure one of them goes home, and if we lose we can all just gang up on Omarosa and boot her ass out. Got it?"
"Got it!" Kathy nodded.
"Let's go then!" said April.
"Oh mah gah," exclaimed Juanita, "Dis be nervousin'"

___________________________________________________________________

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE - "LIFE SUPPORT"

"Come on in, guys!""
Jeff was standing in the middle of Challenge Beach. In front of him were two mats: one yellow, one purple.
Iara came in from the left. With the exception of Omarosa, every tribe member (including Jim, who viewed it as a display of team spirit) was wearing their buff as a tube top. They came in single file, Janelle first, Omarosa last, and took their spot on the yellow mat.
"Hi Jeff," Janelle giggled.
Caipora came in from the left, and if they had meant at all to conceal their team hierarchy they had failed miserably. Stephenie was first, followed closely by Rupert, Alan, Colin and Scott. Marcellas was behind Clay, but insisted on trying to pass him so he could symbolically move up in status, while Dewberry was content with being the last person in line and whistled happily as he walked.
"Welcome to your first Immunity Challenge," Jeff said, "As you know, on Survivor, one of the ways you can guarantee that you remain in the game is by winning the Immunity Idol."
He took the lid off a large basket and pulled out the idol: A hand-carved wooden chicken.
"Thou shalt not worship false idols, thou shalt not worship false idols," Widow Weaver chanted to herself.
"This is the immunity idol," Jeff continued, "The tribe that wins the challenge will take this home and be safe for another three days. Losing tribe will visit me at Tribal Council where one of you will be the first person voted off of Survivor: Reality Stars."
"How heartless," said Dewberry.
"Here's how the challenge works: The Immunity Idol will protect you on Survivor, but on your original shows, you had to rely on other things to survive. Your job today will be to find such things. At the bottom of the ocean there are seven treasure chests, each containing an item that, on your previous shows, would keep you from getting eliminated One person from each team will swim out, dive down, and retrieve one of the seven chests. That person will then have to bring the chest back up to your team's mat, open it, and identify which show it came from. First team to retrieve four items wins immunity."

When Jeff finished, the teams prepared themselves. Colin was swimming first for Caipora, Jim for Iara.
"Survivors Ready?" Jeff asked as he raised his right hand.
"AAAAAAH!" screamed Colin.
"Bitch, please!" said Juanita.
"GO!"

Colin and Jim ran in unison like madmen toward the water and dove down to retrieve their chests at virtually the same time, but their strategies were much different. Jim took a long, drawn-out breath, dove down and didn't come back up for another forty seconds. When he finally did, he had a wooden chest in his hands.
Colin took a more desperate approach - short breaths, multiple dives. The lack of air didn't allow him to go very deep, and as a result he was having trouble seeing the chests.
"AAAH, GODDAMNIT AAAAH!" he yelled, swallowing water as he dove down.
"COLIN, TAG OUT!" Stephenie shouted.
"GRAAAAW! GAAASAGSGAAGA!"
"Oh, Jesus, go get him Rupert," Stephenie ordered.
Rupert ran quickly toward Colin.

Meanwhile, Jim had opened the first box. It contained a necklace with a round gold symbol on it.
"It's the Power of Veto from Big Brother," he said.
"Correct!" Jeff shouted, "Iara with one, Caipora with zero. Next person, go!"
Janelle sped towards the water, golden hair blowing in the wind, and gave the camera a coy little wink before diving down to retrieve her chest.

By that time, Colin was sulking back at the beach mouthing something about the ocean being brokeen and Rupert was running back to the mat with Caipora's first chest.
"What is it?" asked Clay. A couple of Claymates hiding behind a tree fainted at the sound of his voice.
"A green piece of paper that says FF," said Rupert, "What is that?""
"A Fast Forward," said Colin, still seething, "From the Amazing Race."
"Caipora now has one," Jeff shouted, "Both teams are even."

But that wasn't exactly true. By the time Scott ran down to the water, shirt off, Janelle was already back at the Iara mat with her team's second chest.
"Ooh, open it," said April.
"Oh my god, a boob," said Kathy.
"Two boobs, there's two,"said Jim.
What the fuck kind of show would this be?" said Janelle, holding two rubber breasts that were in the chest.
"Oh, God, you people are pathetic," Omarosa barked, "Boobs are about the only thing that will keep Donald Trump from firing you on The Appentice.""
"Well, that makes sense," Janelle giggled.

Omarosa was correct, of course, but the time they spent deliberating cost Iara the lead. Scott managed to bring back Caipora's second item (a cookbook from Hell's Kitchen), and therefore Stephenie and Juanita left their respective team mats at the exact same time.
To everyone's surprise, Juanita was a fierce physical competitor. Stephenie was faster, of course, but Juanita kept up and amazed even herself. They made it to the water practically a second apart, with Stephenie edging her out slightly.
Stephenie found a chest first, and was in the process of returning to the beach when Juanita, seizing the opportunity, ran in front of her and tried to steal the chest.
"What the hell are you doing?" Stephenie yelled, "Let go of my chest!""
"Bitch, whateva," Juanita said, "There ain't no rule against stealin'"
"She's not playing with integrity!" said Rupert.
"Who CAY-URS about integrity?" said April.
"Yay, you've been demaggified!" Janelle giggled.
"Let go of my chest," Stephenie complained, attempting to dodge Juanita, "Do you even know who you're messing with? Do you know who I am?"

This, it seemed, struck a nerve.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO AH AM?" Juanita shouted, "I'M JUANITA AN' I WAS AXIN' YOU TO GIVE ME YO CHEST NICELY, BUT YOU AIN'T GONNA, SO FUCK YOU BITCH!""
She snapped her fingers three times in a Z-like formation, pouted her lips, bobbed her head and spit in Stephenie's face. Unable to see, Stephenie let go of the crate, and Juanita brought it triumphantly to the yellow mat.
"Hurry, open it" said Charla.
Juanita opened it. Inside was a laminated picture of vocal coach Debra Byrd.
"OOH," Juanita shouted, "Iss Miss Debra! From da Idol Show!"
"Iara with three, Caipora with two."

Forced to return and grab another chest, Stephenie was now furious. She slammed her new chest on the mat so hard that it shattered, thus saving her the trouble of opening it.
It was a diary with a fingerprint on it.
"That's from The Mole," Clay concluded.
"Correct," said Jeff.
Millions of females who remained unseen cheered loudly and obnoxiously.

By then it was a done deal. Clay and Charla ran the course next (Clay wasn't allowed to remove his shirt for fear that the Claymates would invade the challenge site), and ever the gentleman, he let Charla run a little ahead of him.

He didn't realize there was only one chest left.
"CLAY," Stephenie shouted, "CLAY, GRAB HER CHEST!""
"I am NOT grabbing her breasts!""
"No, the chest!"
He got it eventually, but his utter Clayness would never allow him to cheat. So it was only a matter of time before Charla opened the chest and identified the Immunity Necklace from Survivor.
"IARA WINS IMMUNITY!"
"THANK YOU LOOORD!" shouted Widow Weaver.
"Congratulations, Iara," said Julie Chen, "You are the NEW Immunity Winners. Jeff, please hand Iara the immunity idol.""
"Um....kindly let me host."

He handed Iara the Idol, as he did, Iara was surprised to see that even Omarosa seemed happy.

It had truly been a good day.
___________________________________________________________________

DAY THREE

CAIPORA CAMP

STEPHENIE: This is a nightmare...a total nightmare....I am so tired of losing.....this is so gay.....

Caipora had lost, and despite Marcellas's best attempts to keep the morale up, shouting "HAPPY MONDAY SWEETIE!" at odd times was not Stephenie's idea of fun. She and Colin pouted all morning.

STEPHENIE: Once again, I get stuck on a sucky team. Those girls thought I was a threat, so they made me come here. I didn't want to come to this team.

CLAY: Stephenie and Colin have terrible attitudes. It seems that when things don't go their way, all they can do is mope around like it's the end of the world.

Yet despite Clay's disapproval of Stephenie's attitude, he had become very close friends with her. Stephenie's subconscious need for a Rafe-like pawn combined with Clay's complete adversity to male friends had brought the two very close. So close, in fact, that he felt she deserved a pep talk.
"Listen," he said, "Don't you dare give up. You tried to tell them what to do, but…..they did not listen, they did not know how...perhaps they'll listen now..."
He broke into soft rendition of "Vincent". She gave him a hug.

STEPHENIE: Clay sang to me. I mean, I know he's gay and all that, but he sings pretty. And that motivated me enough.

So much, in fact, that right away her demeanor switched from woe-is-me to let's-make-a-deal as she approached Rupert later that day.
"So listen," she told Rupert, "You and I are the strongest people on this team. What do you say we get together with Colin and Alan and vote off Dewberry?"
"I don't know..." Rupert said, "I like old Dewberry...I don't know..."
It was true. Rupert and Dewberry had developed a close relationship over the course of the last three days, mostly based on their mutual appreciation of dreams and women's shoes, and Rupert had promised him to watch his back.
"Rupert," Stephenie insisted, "You have to be ruthless in this game. I say we vote off Dewberry. It's our best shot at ever winning immunity."

At lunch, they decided to put off strategy-talking so Clay could sing for the team.
"Hold me cloooooose...in your aaaaaarms...if you told me that it's where heaven is at you'd be riiiiiight"

ALAN: Having Clay around is definitely a bonus. Guy doesn't talk much, but when he sings it's entertaining. I'm just holding out until he sings "I will survive" so my life can be complete and I can laugh at him.

STEPHENIE: Sure, he's gay and troll-ish, but his voice sends chills down my spine. It's orgasmic.

Marcellas was the only one who seemed bothered by the sudden spike in Clay's popularity within the tribe.

MARCELLAS: How dare he threaten my popularity? Marcellas and Boo will see to this.

He clutched his beloved porcelain gnome tightly in his hands. Since he and Clay were viewed as similar by the entire tribe, the fact Clay was more well-liked than him was a threat to Marcellas.

He had to cut this cancer now.
___________________________________________________________________

TRIBAL COUNCIL

On the evening of the third day, the Caipora tribe hiked to Tribal Council where Jeff was waiting for them.
"Behind you are your torches," said Jeff, "In this game, fire represents..."
"Our lives, we know it Jeff, you say it every time." Stephenie grabbed a torch, lit it, rolled her eyes impatiently and took a seat. The rest of the tribe followed suit.
"Well then," Jeff said, "If you know so much about Survivor, why did you lose today?"
"We lost because I got put on the wrong team,"" Stephenie said, "But those girls didn't want me."
"If I recall correctly," Jeff said, "You were the one who asked to be moved to this team."
"Why would I ask to be moved to the loser team?""
And she didn't say another word, so Jeff moved on.
"Marcellas," he asked, "How are you holding up physically?"
"Well," he said, blushing at the sight of Jeff, "It has been quite...interesting. Boo and I are obviously not as strong as, say, Stephenie or Rupert or Colin, but we hold our own."

"Boo?"

"My gnome." He smiled. Jeff pursed his lips, muffled a chuckle and proceeded.
"Dewberry," Jeff asked, "Have you made any friends?"
"For the first time in my life, Jeff, I have," said Dewberry, "Rupert and I have become close friends."
"Of course you did, nobody else wants to befriend you two," Colin snapped.
"How are you holding up physically?"
"Well," Dewberry said, "I'll be the first to admit I'm the weakest person here, but what I lack in strength I make up for in perseverance."
"So, Rupert," Jeff asked, "When you go up there to vote, do you keep your friend even though he is weak or do you get rid of a friendship in order to stay."
Rupert growled a semi-intelligible answer about integrity and honor and defending your dreams.
"Eloquently put," said Jeff, "It is time to vote. Colin, you're first."

Colin got up, made his way to the voting confessional, cast his vote and sat back down. Scott followed. Then Dewberry, Sam, Alan and Clay.
Marcellas voted for Clay. "There can only be one star in this show, and I'm gonna make sure I'm it. "
Stephenie, as she had told Rupert, voted against Dewberry. "Nothing against you," she said, "You're just fat and gay and southern. Nothing personal."
Rupert was the last to vote. He cried. He covered his eyes. He looked up into the sky and asked Laura Boneham for advice. He was about to watch somebody's dream die just like his had twice now, and decided he couldn't do that to someone. So he voted for himself.

"I'll go tally the votes."
Jeff left to go retrieve the voting urn. Rupert was going into hysterics.
"Once the votes are read, the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I'll read the votes..."

He opened the urn.
"First vote," Jeff read, "Clay."
Clay's eyelashes fluttered.
"Next vote.....Rupert."
Rupert simply nodded. Stephenie's jaw dropped.
"That's one vote Clay, one vote Rupert. Next vote," he continued, "Dewberry."
Dewberry closed his eyes. Rupert patted him on the back.
"Next vote.....Colin."
"Fuck you, whoever," Colin shouted.
"What, does everybody get one?" Marcellas joked.
"Next vote.....Dewberry. That's two votes Dewberry, one vote each for Colin, Rupert and Clay."

There was a pregnant pause as Jeff pulled the next vote out of the urn.

"Next vote....Colin. Two votes Colin."
"Jesus Christ," said Stephenie.
"Next vote....Dewberry.Three votes Dewberry, two votes Colin, two votes left. Next vote...."
Rupert's beard was now glistening with tear droplets. Dewberry kept fanning himself and mumbling about vapors.
"The first person voted out of the Caipora tribe is...."
Rupert closed his eyes.
".....Dewberry. Dewberry, that's four votes, that's enough. The last vote will remain a mystery. Please bring me your torch."
Rupert was now bawling. "I'm sorry Dewberry."
"Darlin', it's ok," said Dewberry, "It's fine, it really is."
He brought his torch to Jeff.
"Dewberry, the tribe has spoken.""
And with that, Dewberry left the game forever.

"Well," said Jeff, "From this vote I can gather this tribe has no idea where it's going. Grab your torches and head back to camp."

And before he could flood the Council set with his rainfall of teary drops, Rupert and the others grabbed their torches and left.

___________________________________________________________________

VOTING HISTORY



___________________________________________________________________

NEXT TIME ON.....SURVIVOR!


- An encounter with an old foe causes Colin to throw another tantrum.
- When Jeff Probst is forced to leave Brazil, a new host takes the game by storm.
- After losing the immunity challenge, one tribe cannot agree on a vote and the confusion has shocking consequences.