Yuku free message boards

So I'm already jonesing for the next Survivor game. We'll see who sucks the most.

snowjungle wrote:

---

So I'm already jonesing for the next Survivor game. We'll see who sucks the most.

So I'm reading about the cast.
First one I come across is 53-year old bus driver Sandy Burgin. She's quoted as saying "on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a 12". She must drive the re-re bus. C'mon! Next!
Fishbach thinks he looks like Kermit the Frog, here! He must pull all the ladies. Fish, Frog! Fish! Next!
James Jr. Has hunted everything in Alabama. I suppose that also means he hunted man, cuz ya'll know there ain't no laws in Alafuckinbama! He might make it to the end. Next!
Spencer Duhm, taking a semester off to be on Survivor 18. What an education. Hopefully his studying has taught him that, similar to WHo Wants to Be a Millionaire, you NEVER ask the audience for help. He'll be the 3rd one off, in time to register for late classes. Next!
Sydney Wheeler. Reading her quotes I'm going to go out on a limb and associate her with one of those gazing balls you see in people's yards: nice to look at for a while, but then you just want to start throwing rocks at it. I'm sure the emotions are just as fragile. Next!
Carolina Eastwood. How did you prepare for Survivor? Grueling workouts? 24-hour fasts? Reading "How to Survive ..." books? No, she got "lasered". Don't want any hair falling into my south american beetle soup! WTF!? Next!
Taj Johnson George: 5'9" 190-lb black woman from "the south"? married to Eddie George, former NFL running back? with the voice of an angel? If she doesn't make it to the final four, the show needs to be cancelled and the host burned alive at the stake.
Sgt. Jerry Sims, US Army. Finally, after seven cast members, someone who is somewhat qualified to live in a jungle for 8 weeks. Not sure about the walk soft attitude to start the game though. Someone might confuse him for being in the Navy rather than the Army. What's with all the dirt on your knees? Sir! Yes, Sir!
Candace Smith: My favorite so far. Why? Because she will SWALLOW! Hello! And smart enough to be a lawyer, and smart enough to stop being one. I wanna see Wade smack her ass ... hard!
Tyson Apostol: rides his bike 31 MPH. SO do I - down hill. And just how does that skill help you in the friggin' rain forest? The only people's buttons he'll be pushing after week two are his wives. Can't wait to see if this one-nut job wears a LiveStrong bracelet. I'd use it to choke the shit out of him.
Sierra Reed: No tryout? Just standing thereminding her business at a taco stand? WTF?! Not the sharpest tool in the shed, eh? Let's see, turned down Hilfiger (guaranteed money) for a spot on Survivor. Hmmm. She "doesn't need the money", yet she's eating at a taco stand selling 4 tacos for a dollar? Seriously?! I'll watch the show if I get to see her and Sydney make out.
Erinn Lobdell from Wisconsin. Whenever she's speaking, I'll be muting the tv. Have you heard these faux-Canadians talk? Makes my dog cry. And she can get a stranger to trust her in 5 minutes. So can hookers and guys with GBH in a vial. Next!
Debra Beebe verbated words like "potty thing" and "big bathroom"? Big mistake! Use your words like a big girl, clone! Maybe her middle school kids will see how most adults turn out and request a transfer to China to work in a sweat shop. Next! Please!
Brendan Synnot, the Bear Naked Granola guy: already has $122- million in the bank, yet selfish enough to apply to be on Survivor and possible take away $1 million from someone who can truly use it to better themselves and maybe the world. And he "thinks it's healthy to have everything taken from you and then have to rebuild". Really? Hey, schmuck, give me all your money and start rebuilding. You'll be healthier and thank me for it. No?! That's what I thought. Another jackass. Next!
Ben Wade: I saved the best for last. This guy coaches women's soccer and orchestrates a symphony in his part time. I did a little research on him too. He holds a world-record for a solo kayak trip and has eaten piranha from the Orinoco River. He was a Golden Gloves boxer in college and climbs glaciers in his spare time. Don't believe me? Check out this site: www.coachbenwade.com This guy has to win it all! If not, I'll assume a fix is on.
OK, that's my take on the contestants. Please let the strongest character win and not some soppy wanker spank-daddy as in the past shows. Vegas should take bets on this season.
Go, Wade! Go!